13 years ago I went through the same thing that you are going through right now. The decisions we make, good and bad, make us the people we are today and will become in the future. I have, as well as everyone, made mistakes that I regret and wish I could change. But, I have to say, looking back at the low points in my life they all led to bigger and better things.
At 21 I was pretty down and out. Out of work recently filing for bankruptcy due to a car accident, in a brand new car, I did not have insurance on, and not being able to afford the payments because I had just lost my job. I lost my job because I was stealing from the company, a little here a little there thinking I would never get caught. I did, however, and at the time I thought it was the stupidest mistake I had ever made. But, in looking back, if I had not been fired I probably would still be there working in that nowhere job busting my balls every day 10 hours a day making peanuts. I wouldn't be where I am today if not for that. I know its odd to say that but, it led to me getting my shit together.
I remember the exact moment of my "moment of clarity". I was laying in bed one morning in my apartment staring at the ceiling thinking there has to be more to life than this. Just then my roomate walked into my room, she asked me if I would be renewing the lease with her at the end of the month when it was due. I thought for about 30 seconds and said no I am sorry I will not be. That point is when it all changed, it was like a light was turned on and I started getting my shit together.
Now, and this is me not you and for those that don't agree with what I am about to say, just stand by and listen for a second with an open mind. I drove over to my parents house on the last half tank of gas I had in a car that was given to me by my brother since I had no other options and no money to afford any transportation. I asked my parents if I could move back in with them temporarily, they were fine with this since they were worried about me after all that had happened.
The next day I went to the Marine Corps recruiters and talked with them for a bit and decided it was my best course of action. I had spent 6 months in the Army previously but, was injured while going through Airborne school and could not continue with the training, I did not want to do anything else so I was medically discharged, another low point in my life.
I could go on and on but, in an effort to make this readable, I will try to be brief. Long story short here I am 13 years later making a six figure salary traveling all over the world in an occupation I love that makes a difference in peoples lives. Smoking fat chronic when I can. Life has peaks and valleys and most of the time shit doesn't go your way, but you have to power through it because its amazing how things work out and tides turn.
Don't be afraid to ask people for help, that was one of the first lessons I learned during my upturn. Don't think that your friends have it any easier than you do, some of them do but, lets be honest here most of them probably don't appreciate the little things as much as you do, like freedom.
