SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX do not enter if SEX offends you

[......]

when I was like 12 me and some friends were walking down train tracks and when you come out of the cut theres this abandoned factory.Well we get out into the cut and all you see is this toothless motherfucker that was high as hell fucking the shit out this bitch.lol he had her bent over standing up with his face in the air and his tongue sticking out screaming come crazy shit.We left.

 

[Gafoogle]

all you see is this toothless motherfucker that was high as hell fucking the shit out this bitch.lol he had her bent over standing up with his face in the air and his tongue sticking out screaming come crazy shit.We left.

good call. that's a disturbing image

 

[Shmulster]

So me and my girl we had this candlelight picnic in a park that i know... were drinking a abit and smoking and things got hot... we actually did it right there smack in the middle of the park which is basicly grass with no trees or anything but it was very late and no one was there... so i go on top missionary style and i look down at her the whole time... when we finished i rolled over and looked sideways and THERE WAS A DUDE SITTING ON A GRASSY KNOLE 4 METERS FROM US! AND THE FUCKER PRETENDED TO LOOK AT THE STARS WHEN WE CAUGHT HIM! man that was such a weird moment and the weirdest part is that he was religous - like a dead on rabbai peeping on me and my girl... wonder where hes going when he dies...

 

[rupert pupkin]

this tread has made me laugh several times!! this came to mind, i was in a a park and had this girls skirt up on the picnic table i heard something turned around and and here comes a family(mom dad brother and sister), so she just sat still on my lap until they passed into the woods we kept going and finished right before they came back off the trail.

 

[Total Head]

His wife's sister would be his sister-in-law.

lol. grav hits of hash. i meant her husband.

 

[canuckgrow]

.....back in about 86 or so I was smashing this blonde on the hood of my car in a well known parking area for such business when another car pulls up and stops with the headlights pointed right at the whole scene....We're both staring at the headlights like a couple of deer and the person gets out and walks right up to us and says......come on Christine I am taking you home......it was the chicks mother......Fuck me runnin I never even pulled up my pants I jumped in the car and I was pealing out of there in my '74 Nova......Her Dad called my parents and they were like what do you want us to do he doesn't even live at home anymore.....We were both 18 so it just fizzled out but I never saw much of Christine anymore.
Also had a girlfriend who ummm liked to perform oral sex on me while in public places like phone booths, elevators, laundromats, drive thru restaurants.

 

[El420]

When I was a senior in high school, my girlfriend at the time, A latchkey kid, would invite me home every day after school I'd go to her house and, uh, we would entertain ourselves before her parents got home. Her folks knew we were there, but they were older and mellow and didn't seem to care.

She and I were also honor students, so maybe they assumed we wouldn't get into too much trouble alone.

Heh heh.

You can guess what happened next. Her dad came home early from work one day and busted us. We'd heard him unlocking the door, so I had time to get myself completely dressed -- what can I say, I'm a pro -- but poor stacey, got everything on but her pants.

As her dad walked in, she buried her face in her hands. I think I grinned and said "hey" to him like some kind of moron. He stopped, looked at us, then walked away without a word. Oh, the shame.

 

[Benassi]

Long story short, went up north, got trashed off Crown Royal, and me and my buddy fucked these two "bigger" chicks side by side and then switched half way hahahaha. Funniest shit like all these people just started coming in the room and laughing like the "oooooooooh yeaaaaah maaaaaaaaaan!!!" with high fives thrown all around. It was fucking hilarious. I'm pretty sure someone took a picture. God dammit matter of fact I specifically remember a flash hahahahaha. Everyone left, we finished up and went back to the living room laughing and shit. Not a minute later one of them walks out all fucking shit floored trashed lookin' and my buddy straight says "so you girls gonna walk home or you like got a ride coming or something....", right after he said that she blacks out and collapses into a giant tower of about 300 CDs... sent them flying everywhere as she face planted into the floor. I fucking cried laughing so hard snot came out of my nose. We ended up passing the fuck out and story goes their DAD picked them up... lmao what a fucking random hilarious night. Never forget it.

So yeah, I'd watch someone mashin' cheeks in the woods or some shit. Because assholes did it to me hahahaha. I wouldnt be a fuckin creeper and smack my pole but I'd take a glance for a few seconds then yell something hilarious.

 

[thedoc08]

Long story short, went up north, got trashed off Crown Royal, and me and my buddy fucked these two "bigger" chicks side by side and then switched half way hahahaha. Funniest shit like all these people just started coming in the room and laughing like the "oooooooooh yeaaaaah maaaaaaaaaan!!!" with high fives thrown all around. It was fucking hilarious. I'm pretty sure someone took a picture. God dammit matter of fact I specifically remember a flash hahahahaha. Everyone left, we finished up and went back to the living room laughing and shit. Not a minute later one of them walks out all fucking shit floored trashed lookin' and my buddy straight says "so you girls gonna walk home or you like got a ride coming or something....", right after he said that she blacks out and collapses into a giant tower of about 300 CDs... sent them flying everywhere as she face planted into the floor. I fucking cried laughing so hard snot came out of my nose. We ended up passing the fuck out and story goes their DAD picked them up... lmao what a fucking random hilarious night. Never forget it.

So yeah, I'd watch someone mashin' cheeks in the woods or some shit. Because assholes did it to me hahahaha. I wouldnt be a fuckin creeper and smack my pole but I'd take a glance for a few seconds then yell something hilarious.

The switch n hit is a classic.


As for my contribution to this thread, New Years Eve 07 turning 08 I was pretty much passed out drunk from going way too hard. Posted up in a chair in the living room, and some Chinese girl starts giving dome, in front of everybody. Luckily for me, she wasn't attractive and my buddies forcibly removed her from my golden penis. With a shower of beer, which made my shit all sticky.

 

[puffntuff]

I have a couple stories like that.
1. I was getting head by this chick in a parking lot when a car pulls up I look over she leans up like ohh shit that's my uncle!! Hahaha I pulled off quick and finished up with road skull.
2. Went to a hotel party started fucking this chick when the door opens it's her boyfriend. I'm getting ridden so I'm in a bad position. I smack her on the ass and tell her to handle the situation. 5 min later she comes back in I finish up and leave her bf is sitting in the lobby waiting for us to finish!!
3.I'm in a department store with my girlfriend when the urge comes on so we go to the dressing room and start getting down to business. I'm going to town and she smacks her head against the wall the manager comes to the door like is everything alright right when I'm about to bust. I got off but it was awkward.

 

[Chad Sexington]

I've been busted. When I was in the military we were doing build up training to depart to Afghanistan. We were in the field for a month, and we had this not so attractive but really slutty reservist with us. So I notice she keeps flirting with me and what not when we are out on patrol, and I start to feel it. So I take her to the thunder box (portapotty) and just start railing her like a hungry wolf on raw meat. She is moaning so load that the padre who came to take a shit in the portapotty next to us heard (not to our knowledge) so when we zip up and walk out we see the rsm and bsm standing there with the padre, both smiling. Had extra duties for a month.

 

[Karmapuff]

I have caught every single one of you people on the forum masturbating.. I just didn't want to say anything tell now!

 

[mescalinebandit420]

hahaha. awesome. a couple years ago i was trippin on sum 2cb and banging my ex girlfriend at my friends apartment in his room. this other dude and his girlfriend were drunk or rolling and he said he would just use the couch. good news i thought. after about 15 minutes of pounding, i hear the fuckin door open. my exgirl was on top so i couldnt really see who it was but had a good idea. i guess they forgot about the couch and decided to come in and fuck on the floor. i didnt wanna stop so i didnt. thank god the lights were off. after another 10 or 15 minutes i finished up and went back in the livingroom to put on sum music and smoke a few bowls. ill never forget how strange that was and mainly because i think i was tripping balls. hahahaha.

 

[BiteSizeFreak]

Been caught? No.

Put on a show for shits-n-giggles? Yes.

 

[StonedPony]

Thanks everyone for makeing this a great thread I laughed my ass off at some and some I said YEA Ive seen that before ROFLMAO......thanks again

 

[djdestroyer]

StonedPony, is that you 'having a stoner moment' on your youtube account? I'm fucking laughing my ass off as you dance to trancy techno and tote your gun!

 

[StonedPony]

StonedPony, is that you 'having a stoner moment' on your youtube account? I'm fucking laughing my ass off as you dance to trancy techno and tote your gun!

Yep thats me LOL

 

[Saerimmner]

theres been a few funny incidents over the years but the one that always sticks in my head is when i was a doorman on a gay club, been working there for a few weeks an got friendly with the bar staff etc an one of em was a moderately attractive girl but she had quite a few tattoos and piercings all over her (always had a thing for that), anyways long story short ended up at the staff xmas doing jaegerbombs an stuff with this girl an her mate coz everyone else was being boring, got very drunk an at the end of the night ended up back at this girls place an halfway thru going at it i see her bedroom door open slightly out the corner of my eye, turn round to look an there another girl trying to hide behind the door whilst playing with her dildo watching us, turns out its pierced/tattooed girls girlfriend that she hadnt told me about, long story short after id jumped up off the bed an apologised for banging her girlfriend she just gave me a smile, told me not to worry as they were both bisexual not gay an we all kinda jus carried on til we passed out, ended up moving to cyprus with em to work for a season, 2 months before the end of the season they split up an both of em decided to move home an i stayed out there an finished the season working, by the time i got back home 1 had gone to university somewhere an the other had gone into the army, last i ever saw of em which was a damn pity

 

[UncleBuck]

reviving dead thread.

have never caught anyone in the act. my wife and i have been caught in the act on the oregon beaches a few times now. these people just seem to come out of nowhere.

one time, she went down on me while we were in the hot tub of an apartment complex. there had to be at least 25 apartments with a direct view to that hot tub. i'm sure someone or the other enjoyed a show.

 

[dirtyho1968]

Drift wood?