Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
NEVER, EVER, QUESTION A DRUNK! ​

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:​

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of lettuce,
A 2 lb. Can of coffee and
A 1 lb. Package of bacon​

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.. ​

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated --
'You must be single.'​

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at
the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.​

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Yes you are correct. But how on
earth did you know that?'​

The drunk replied -- 'Cause you're ugly.'​
 
Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
BREAKING NEWS FROM LIBYA

نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان
نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و یره ما نقش سایه دگر
نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما اگر رفت سایه
پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم
خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش
دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان نور اگر رف سایه پیدا نیست نقش
دیوار و چشم خیره ما
نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان
نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه
دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما
نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان
نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه
دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما
سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان
نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.
 
Louis541

Louis541

Well-Known Member
Winter Woman said:
BREAKING NEWS FROM LIBYA

نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان
نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و یره ما نقش سایه دگر
نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما اگر رفت سایه
پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم
خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش
دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان نور اگر رف سایه پیدا نیست نقش
دیوار و چشم خیره ما
نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان
نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه
دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما
نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان
نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه
دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما
سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان
نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.
Click to expand...

Wait, huh?

If you can not find the light went shadow eyes staring at the wall and the role we do not don the role of other shade
If the light went shadow. The role of the shadow was not found R. Wall and other shade Yrh Our role
If Dan was not a shadow of light is found and the role of eyes staring at the wall if we went to Shadow
Not find a role and eye wall
We do not stare again don the role of the shadow if the light went shadow. Shadow went to find a role R is
We stared at the wall and eye shadow role again don not find the light if the shelf is not the role of shadow
Our eyes and stared at the wall
If you can not find the light went shadow eyes staring at the wall and the role we do not don the role of other shade
If the light went shadow. Shadow went to find a role R is the eye wall and staring at our shadow role
Don not go again if the light does not shadow the role find eyes staring at the wall and we
If you can not find the light went shadow eyes staring at the wall and the role we do not don the role of other shade
If the light went shadow. Shadow went to find a role R is the eye wall and staring at our shadow role
Don not go again if the light does not shadow the role find eyes staring at the wall and we
Shadow. Shadow went to find a role R is the eye wall and stare We do not don the role of other shade
If you can not find the light went shadow eyes staring at the wall and our role
 
patlpp

patlpp

New Member
Winter Woman said:
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.

A human hair can hold 3kg.

The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb.

The femur is as hard as concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster then a man's.

Women blink 2x as much as men.

We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand.

A woman has read this entire text. A man is still looking at his thumb..
Click to expand...

That's just plain unfair!! What a man trap! Excellent. Is that from the back knuckle to the tip of the thumb or do I include the thumbnail...........
Edit: Don't add the thumbnail.
 
Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
What's the difference between an oscillatory and a trepidatory earthquake?

1. This calculation is just for engineers:
aircraft engine.gif

And, this is for the layman -- like you.

This is a trepidatory earthquake -- and up and down movement...
aa1.gif

This is an oscillatory earthquake -- a side to side movement.

aa1.gif

And this is a combination of both trepidatory and oscillatory:


aa1.gif

Isn't science beautiful when properly explained.
 
woodsmaneh!

woodsmaneh!

Well-Known Member
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
 
woodsmaneh!

woodsmaneh!

Well-Known Member
[FONT=&quot]All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Johnny is even madder than before.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
 
woodsmaneh!

woodsmaneh!

Well-Known Member
[FONT=&quot]
> A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The
> doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now
> you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the
> freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your
> penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it.
>
>
>
> The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in
> insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build you
> a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000
> an inch."
>
> The man perks up. "So," the doctor says,"You must decide how many
> inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over
> thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If
> you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit
> upset. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a
> five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays
> a role in helping you make a decision."
>
> The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes
> back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
>
>
>
> "Yes I have," says the man.
>
> "And has she helped you make a decision?"
>
> "Yes" says the man.
>
>
>
> "What is your decision?" asks the doctor..
>
> "We're getting granite countertops."

[/FONT]
 
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