Have you ever had to deal with a sociopath?

[Jeffdt1966]

didnt realize he was 30 ... hell hes a man , dont feel a bit bad for kicking him out . Opiate addiction is a bitch ( I speak from expierence ) as long as you provide food , shelter , and put up with the shit - he has no reason to take responsibility for his actions . You did the right thing .. now you have to stand behind it .. Its hard when its family but chances are he wont change unless he has too ...

good luck - I hope things get better

 

[april]

That's exactly what I was thinking. Sociopaths get off on your pain, addicts get off on your money. If an addict could steal your money and make you feel like you're walking on sunshine, they would. Well the inverse is true for a sociopath, if they could make you rich but miserable he would. Addicts may do wicked and evil shit, but usually they still feel remorse. It's just the compulsion to use is so over powering. It is extremely hard to overcome an addiction, especially by yourself with little to no support and no tools.


It's a shame you feel that way. There's no rehabilitation in prison. So saying that's the best place for him is saying he is a lost cause, and that's sad to me. In my opinion, people only become lost causes when everyone turns their back on them.


Actually quite the opposite, again sounds like an addict not a sociopath. I'm pretty sure sociopaths usually tend to achieve some moderate form of success even with their anti-social behavior. Their willingness to lie, cheat, and steal to get to their top often does get them ahead.

So it sounds to me like you have an addict on your hands. He probably has a several hundred dollar a day habit. And he probably feels totally trapped in his addiction. You didn't necessary do the wrong thing kicking him out, because enabling an addict does not help the situation and providing free living is enabling. Nor can you blame yourself for someone else's addiction, plenty of people with perfect childhoods turn to hard drugs, people from all socio-economic classes, intelligence, age etc.

But if you totally turn your back on your son, and are not there to support him, then you failed your son. If he ever does decide to clean up his act and go to rehab, he will need support. Getting clean can be incredibly scary for some people, and it's hard to do by yourself. Every aspect of ones life needs to be changed, from friends & acquaintance, to daily activities. Without a loving and supporting family backing you, it is very easy to lose sight of that light at the end of the tunnel and slip back into active addiction.

Just remember, there's a big difference between tough love and no love.

VERY WELL SAID!!
I hate that my mother calls my brother atleast twice a day, and me maybe every few months,( he's a gay pothead that owed money mart over 10000, but she paid it because per her he did it because i was being bad and he wanted attention???) i know i messed up when i was young but i feel like she gave up on me years ago and over compensates with him to hurt me on purpose because it's her style, she's a dweller. (also she gave him all my grandmas stone cookware on my b-day? WTF???) I faked a smile and left crying. But i do feel a shitload of guilt for my past actions, and she wont let it go. I think it's her own guilt, she can't face me because she was not there when i needed her, she keept me away from my fathers family ( he died when i was 9) because she said i would embarass her. So feeling like my mother gave up, made me give up. Please don't give up on your child, Tell him/her you love them, even if they fuck up

30 this is an adult with an addiction problem, not a child acting out, my shannanigans ended at 18. I say he needs an intervention , people only help themselves if given a reason, give him as many positive reasons, addiction is the devil

 

[Corso312]

just curious april, what were you doing that was "bad" ? that makes you feel guilty?

 

[april]

just curious april, what were you doing that was "bad" ? that makes you feel guilty?

Lied, stole liquor, went places on the bus i was not allowed (mall,movies, boys houses) smoked dope*(in my moms eyes i was smoking crack, even if it was just weed lol)
And i left for 3 days one time, road trip to niagara falls. Very typical teenage shit, i never stole from others, only from my house lol and i was not a slute, the opposite actualy i'm very picky.I just have a strong personality, i'm not a push over and very stubborn, but i graduated with honors (even got a 98 in English!!) My mother thinks only whores go to bars, and does not drink or smoke. I enjoy life and always will, she has been on disbility since i was 11, back injury, fuck maybe it was the meds that made her nutty?

 

[Corso312]

agree all typical teenage stunts, imo having you mother pay 10k for your fuck up is far worse than any of those things.

 

[Corso312]

if i were you i would call her out on it, maybe get ya nowhere ..but you will feel better

 

[PappaBear]

its a little late, but hes your son. He came out the end of your dick right? Than you have "creators rights", if gos can send jesus to get stabbed and beat.. you gotta feed him bare knuckles to the face. Knock that little fucker out. If he wants to call the police, you call first. He shoud up with an ass woopin on drugs actin crazy. I have 3 kids. If they were to pull that shit with me and their mother they would easily dissappear from this earth or at least neck deep in an ant pile.

Im not saying beat your kids, just enforce what needs to be inforced. If they cant stand the heat, than get the fuck out my kitichen! Crying is for when there is nothing left, is he dead? Than man up and make that little shit pay. Its your job! Crying doesnt fix your problems so suck it up. If he offs himself than he has made the ultimate decision and heis a grown man that can make his own decisions.

Let him be homeless, in prison, or worse.. if you dont let him hit a real rock bottom then he wont learn.. Sounds like you and your ex-wife are a pushover.. well the only reason you can be mad at yourselves is for being spineless and not hard enough. Sounds like yall also have issues to work out.

 

[PappaBear]

Good luck with the personal ass whoopins

 

[Corso312]

eh beating his ass will achieve nothing, and you are saying to beat your kids, right above where you say "im not saying beat your kids"..beating kids = lazy parenting..and his kid is 30 years old

 

[WoodyHaze]

its a little late, but hes your son. He came out the end of your dick right? Than you have "creators rights", if gos can send jesus to get stabbed and beat.. you gotta feed him bare knuckles to the face. Knock that little fucker out. If he wants to call the police, you call first. He shoud up with an ass woopin on drugs actin crazy. I have 3 kids. If they were to pull that shit with me and their mother they would easily dissappear from this earth or at least neck deep in an ant pile.

Im not saying beat your kids, just enforce what needs to be inforced. If they cant stand the heat, than get the fuck out my kitichen! Crying is for when there is nothing left, is he dead? Than man up and make that little shit pay. Its your job! Crying doesnt fix your problems so suck it up. If he offs himself than he has made the ultimate decision and heis a grown man that can make his own decisions.

Let him be homeless, in prison, or worse.. if you dont let him hit a real rock bottom then he wont learn.. Sounds like you and your ex-wife are a pushover.. well the only reason you can be mad at yourselves is for being spineless and not hard enough. Sounds like yall also have issues to work out.

let me give you a little insight, first off i am in a wheelchair, may be the rest of my life. i damn near died ,spent 4 yrs in a nursing home, so just how in the hell do i do all that stuff? i have nerve damage. i am no pushover, and i want to believe he has some good in him, you are only a fool or heatrless to think its that god damn easy giving up on a life. btw, he is not 'a liitle fucker' he may be an accountant but he isn't little. funny thing is if you met him you'd like him if you didn't know anything about him

 

[WoodyHaze]

eh beating his ass will achieve nothing, and you are saying to beat your kids, right above where you say "im not saying beat your kids"..beating kids = lazy parenting..and his kid is 30 years old

that is sooo true, my father never really raised his hands too us (always threatened to) and 4 children turned out fine

 

[bobbypyn]

yea, i kicked him out last night and this is difficult to say....he is my son. it's funny but i feel somehow i failed him. it breaks my heart and i feel lkie crying..........damn man................

Look dude, I was a total junkie piece of shit for 20 years before I snapped out of it. You can't make him look at his shit, only he can or will & he'll do it on HIS timeframe or he won't. YOU CAN NOT LOOK AT THIS AS A FAILURE ON YOUR PART!!! that's exactly what the junkie/addict wants!!! don't play into it. Love him; but make it absolutely abundantly clear that until he's ready to address whatever fundamental unhappiness is driving his self destructive behavior, you cannot watch him destroy himself. He's going to play on that guilt (don't think for a second that he's not counting on you feeling that way to feed his addictive behavior..) do not engage it. Not everybody takes 20 years like me, I'm just extra recalcitrant. Much as I hate to say it, you have to even accept that his addiction may kill him before he looks at what's causing it. Here again, this is HIS journey now. you raised him. trust in the foundation you laid to eventually give him pause to consider why he's doing what he is. Hope this helps...

 

[WoodyHaze]

Look dude, I was a total junkie piece of shit for 20 years before I snapped out of it. You can't make him look at his shit, only he can or will & he'll do it on HIS timeframe or he won't. YOU CAN NOT LOOK AT THIS AS A FAILURE ON YOUR PART!!! that's exactly what the junkie/addict wants!!! don't play into it. Love him; but make it absolutely abundantly clear that until he's ready to address whatever fundamental unhappiness is driving his self destructive behavior, you cannot watch him destroy himself. He's going to play on that guilt (don't think for a second that he's not counting on you feeling that way to feed his addictive behavior..) do not engage it. Not everybody takes 20 years like me, I'm just extra recalcitrant. Much as I hate to say it, you have to even accept that his addiction may kill him before he looks at what's causing it. Here again, this is HIS journey now. you raised him. trust in the foundation you laid to eventually give him pause to consider why he's doing what he is. Hope this helps...

you are right, i think i know this, but it helps coming from you, thank you

 

[bobbypyn]

you are right, i think i know this, but it helps coming from you, thank you

My pleasure. consider it cosmic balance for what I put my own family through...

next time ya'll should happen to speak, shoot it to him like this: Make him look at how his behaviour is negatively affecting others & his relationships; play the victim (i.e- "Look how you're being on dope is making me treat MY OWN SON!!! do you not even care that this is fucking KILLING me too?") Try to avoid vilifying him in lieu of making him see that he's not in rational control of his behaviour once he ingests dope. When we're getting high, we are rarely even aware of the repercussions beyond getting sick every 12 hours; that's the main focus. The dope fiend is locked into the "I'm not hurting anybody but me" mentality, but the kick in the balls there is that you're still generating negative karma even when your only victim is yourself due to the collateral damage caused thereby. Even in a relationship vacuum (no friends, no family, nobody cares) you still generate bad karma by shootin dope so in effect, the universe punishes you for punishing yourself. almost doesn't seem fair but that's how it is. *shrugs*

 

[WoodyHaze]

My pleasure. consider it cosmic balance for what I put my own family through...

hopefully my son will pull through like you, i know it won't be easy but no matter what, parents will always love their children, hate the things they do, but still love them. it's human nature, at least in my eyes. good luck, you are a good person and you have my respect. . peace to you

 

[bobbypyn]

I'm tryin... Namaste & May Jah Protect & Guide.

 

[PappaBear]

let me give you a little insight, first off i am in a wheelchair, may be the rest of my life. i damn near died ,spent 4 yrs in a nursing home, so just how in the hell do i do all that stuff? i have nerve damage. i am no pushover, and i want to believe he has some good in him, you are only a fool or heatrless to think its that god damn easy giving up on a life. btw, he is not 'a liitle fucker' he may be an accountant but he isn't little. funny thing is if you met him you'd like him if you didn't know anything about him

Oh yes the wheel chair days, I was walking across a street and was hit by a fleetwood caddilac and destrowed its windsheild with my forehead. I was in a wheel chair too, so now what? Your not giving up on shit, your doing whats right.. Lets put it this way, Fuck you, fuck me, fuck your son.. we are nothing, can do nothing, and act like we know everything. In a bare handed knuckle fight with a bear, we would all lose and have are tesclicles eatin by badgers. Past that how are you gonna pick and choose what you fail at? You either can or you cant/ cant-yet. All you know is what you have seen and been told. From what you say, your daddy never hit you and your kin do great.. well now you have seen that hitting doesnt work. Well now you squirt out this little terror and he rocks out with his cock out with no supprise hes been doing it all his life. Some people need that physical education, your son from what you told us sound like that kind of person.

If he had been in jail times before, did you bail him out or let him figure it out? He has been this way a long time you said, so why didnt you do something about it a long time ago..... hes 30.. 15 yrs ago he was just a retarded teen, wiht nobody whoopin his ass im sure it made him feel like a big man. Also with you being in a wheel chair, with a stash, and a gun than your not mr.perfect either.. so its ok to do drugs but not hit your kid? Your son knows you do drugs, you know your son does drugs.. I bet hes even got some of his drugs from you.. that shows me that you have that kind of household.. one where drugs and stealing are ok but never hitting.. give me a fucking break!

His ass needs what god gives him! Every time you play captain dad and give in a little you might as well kiss him goodbye. Obama is in office so the worse that can happen is he gets 3 square meals a day either in prison or a shelter. Maybe you need to watch a few episodes of intervention.

eh beating his ass will achieve nothing, and you are saying to beat your kids, right above where you say "im not saying beat your kids"..beating kids = lazy parenting..and his kid is 30 years old

I never say just beat them.. only take it as far as they want to take it.. if you raise a kid that robbed you is destroying your family life than obviously there wasnt a mental tool taught to him to make better decisions. It takes alot more balls to discipline your child than a time out, if they need it. For you to say beating kids= lazy parenting makes you a moron, because in NO WAY beating your kids a parenting style.. btw you can whoop your childs hide 2 times and it feel like a beating to them.

 

[PappaBear]

how the fuck is playing mind games gonna work? Hes obviously smarter than you. How would woody be a victim anymore he made himself and the rest of his family victims with that hugs and drugs approach. Alot of this could have been avoided with harsher parenting. Too late now, he can only learn this stuff in a prison, shelter, or halfway house.

 

[Angry Pollock]

Oh yes the wheel chair days, I was walking across a street and was hit by a fleetwood caddilac and destrowed its windsheild with my forehead. I was in a wheel chair too, so now what? Your not giving up on shit, your doing whats right.. Lets put it this way, Fuck you, fuck me, fuck your son.. we are nothing, can do nothing, and act like we know everything. In a bare handed knuckle fight with a bear, we would all lose and have are tesclicles eatin by badgers. Past that how are you gonna pick and choose what you fail at? You either can or you cant/ cant-yet. All you know is what you have seen and been told. From what you say, your daddy never hit you and your kin do great.. well now you have seen that hitting doesnt work. Well now you squirt out this little terror and he rocks out with his cock out with no supprise hes been doing it all his life. Some people need that physical education, your son from what you told us sound like that kind of person.

If he had been in jail times before, did you bail him out or let him figure it out? He has been this way a long time you said, so why didnt you do something about it a long time ago..... hes 30.. 15 yrs ago he was just a retarded teen, wiht nobody whoopin his ass im sure it made him feel like a big man. Also with you being in a wheel chair, with a stash, and a gun than your not mr.perfect either.. so its ok to do drugs but not hit your kid? Your son knows you do drugs, you know your son does drugs.. I bet hes even got some of his drugs from you.. that shows me that you have that kind of household.. one where drugs and stealing are ok but never hitting.. give me a fucking break!

His ass needs what god gives him! Every time you play captain dad and give in a little you might as well kiss him goodbye. Obama is in office so the worse that can happen is he gets 3 square meals a day either in prison or a shelter. Maybe you need to watch a few episodes of intervention.
I never say just beat them.. only take it as far as they want to take it.. if you raise a kid that robbed you is destroying your family life than obviously there wasnt a mental tool taught to him to make better decisions. It takes alot more balls to discipline your child than a time out, if they need it. For you to say beating kids= lazy parenting makes you a moron, because in NO WAY beating your kids a parenting sty drugs?


how stupid is this moron?

 

[PappaBear]

hey pollock dont get mad now but I didnt pay a dime in income tax in 2010 and I got a fat check! Plus all this special funding from the gov. so its all good