The Thought of Thought

[Zaehet Strife]

i am a seeker of truth. i am sorry if people get offended, but that is not my fault. if they are offended, it is for a reason. when they get offended they need to stop, and think.

why did i get offended when i heard those words?

take away everything you think you know about yourself, about life, and about existance. dig hard, dig deep... you cannot lie to your inner being, but you have the ability to hide from it. if you can dig far enough you will open your eyes to a new light, a new perspective, an...enlightenment so to speak. a perception of truth beyond words or inert existences.

from there, and only from there, you may begin to ask yourself questions that you have not thought about, or have not had to courage to answer. it is so hard, and even more terrifying to truly be able to do this.

i am not afraid to take you there, i am not afraid to make you think, i am not afraid to ask you the questions and i am not afraid to not know!

fear, fear is the only thing...the only thing that is keeping you from connecting with the truth of yourself, and your existence.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

you cannot know god, you cannot imagine god, you will only EVER be able to EXPERIENCE god! straight up

 

[karri0n]

i am a seeker of truth.

You spend an awful lot of time asserting your own truths as opposed to questioning for someone who claims to be a seeker.

i am sorry if people get offended, but that is not my fault. if they are offended, it is for a reason. when they get offended they need to stop, and think.

why did i get offended when i heard those words?

As to why someone may be offended, in some cases, your assertions are correct. Other times, it's that the tone of the entire post is one of superiority and contempt. A good teacher does not teach by demeaning or patronizing others.

take away everything you think you know about yourself, about life, and about existance. dig hard, dig deep... you cannot lie to your inner being, but you have the ability to hide from it. if you can dig far enough you will open your eyes to a new light, a new perspective, an...enlightenment so to speak. a perception of truth beyond words or inert existences.

from there, and only from there, you may begin to ask yourself questions that you have not thought about, or have not had to courage to answer. it is so hard, and even more terrifying to truly be able to do this.

These things of which you speak are nothing new. The stripping of the self exists in nearly every shamanic and mythological tradition. The shaman descends into the underworld and is stripped of all clothing, weapons, and adornments. Here he may see himself for his true form, but the lesson is not complete. The shaman's flesh is stripped from his bones, so he can feel the pain of the loss of self. But the lesson is not complete. The shaman is stripped of his bones, so that he may see that even without a body, only his essence remains. The seeking shaman's journey is complete destruction of the self so that a teacher and a healer can be built from the remains. It is only from this point that the shaman can begin to rebuild himself, free of the preconceptions, feelings, and assumptions that have been put into him since birth. It's not an easy journey, and there are very few who will have this calling. During the time of the rebuilding, most will experience "Shaman Sickness". It's a time of pain, suffering, and often madness. Some will never return to sanity, others will never return to health.

A similar practice can be seen even in the modern western world, in the form of hardcore boot camp. The civilian is broken down, humbled, and reduced to building blocks so that a hardened warrior can be remade.

i am not afraid to take you there, i am not afraid to make you think, i am not afraid to ask you the questions and i am not afraid to not know!

I don't believe for a moment that you are qualified to bring anyone on this journey - your outright denial of the spirits and helpers that are all around us each and every day show beyond any doubt this is a walk you have never taken. You speak as some sort of spiritual teacher or mentor, yet you deny the existence of spirit. It's really you who needs to let go of your preconceived notions if you truly wish to make any progress.

fear, fear is the only thing...the only thing that is keeping you from connecting with the truth of yourself, and your existence.

Advice that you'd be wise to follow. It's your fear of being wrong that doesn't allow you to believe that there is more to this world than you think.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

ok my bad i mean to say i am not afraid to guide you, and by guideing i mean attempting to open your mind to new ideas and new perspectives of thought. so what is your point i dont understand why you critique everything i said, with the same information just put into a different way. it seems to me like i may have offended you. maybe you need to take a step back, and think about why you wrote those things down for me to read.

what are you trying to get accross to me? and what are your intentions?

i do not know the truth, i search for it

my intentions are easy to understand. to open your mind to a the true perception that you cannot know god, you cannot imagine god, you will only EVER be able to EXPERIENCE god!

the only reasonable explanation to me, for you to reply the way you just did, is that you have a certain perception about god that you are too afraid to give up. you must let it go.

so please, enlighten me on what you are trying to get across to me, and what your intentions are.


i am not a teacher, i will never be. but i will try help whoever i can, see the truth behind their own illusions... as i am and will be myself until the day that i die. i am only stating that you AND ME do not truly know anything.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

please reply with an answer to these questions from the bottom of your inner being,

what are you trying to get across?

what are your intentions?

 

[Zaehet Strife]

You see we all have demons so to speak, we all have inner demons in our lives… but we expect to see dark apparitions kinda like what you would see in the cinema,but our demons are really the people in our everyday lives. It’s the people that we argue with, the people that we envy or hate, which we physically or emotionally harm in one way shape or form. And it’s not because we envy or hate qualities about these certain specific people. It’s that we hate the fact they remind us of ourselves. They reflect qualities about ourselves that we wish we had more of, or that we wish we didn’t have at all. So what do we do? We alleviate that pain not by fixing or fighting our own demons… but by harming the people that remind us of our demons… by harming the people that remind us of the things that we don’t like about ourselves. And when we become frustrated that were not in control of our own emotions, because we really don’t know what’s effecting our emotions, we take it out on others. We take it out on absolutely anything else that can show us or act as a catalyst for our hatred.

I am not exempt from this either, i too struggle with this. and i do apologize for offending anyone.

thank you karr, for helping me ask these questions myself...to look deep down into my inner being to find the truth about it. i apologize.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

but i still say that you don't know shit about god wehehahahaha!!!!!!

 

[karri0n]

I'm not looking for an apology. I'm looking for discussion free of patronizing, between equals.

The point that I'm trying to get across is that while you may think I'm deluded or scared of releasing my perceptions of just what "god" is, I an assure you, there is absolutely no perception of god that I'm not willing to embrace or at the bare minimum learn about. I'm interested in what, exactly it is, that you perceive "god" to be.

I will ask again, can you elaborate on what you mean by "you cannot know god, you cannot imagine god, you will only EVER be able to EXPERIENCE god!"

While there is probably no single deity which we have every story and piece of mythology that was ever written about them, it's innacurate to say that we cannot possibly have any understanding of them. From the stories and lessons taught about each, it's very possible to determine a deity's character, abilities, and what natural force or aspect of humanity they hold domain over.

If we're talking about non-personified deities such as the energy that pulses through all life from the earth, this is truly something that must be experienced. I'm still not quite sure what your quote means, but I think I disagree with the concept that we cannot have any understanding of its essence. it has different characteristics than, say, the energy of the moon or sun. Ther are specific characteristics that can indeed be decribed or understood in comparison with other things.

If you're breaking "god" down to its barest essence as the basic creative force of the universe, I can oncede that for the most part we don't have much of an understanding of this.. yet. Emerging scince does indeed have theories and models that attept to explain and formulate just how it is that this unknown force creates and makes up reality.


You ask my intentions? n what sense. My intentions within this particular thread are to have discussion without having to contend with condescending or patronizing rhetoric. My overall intentions in this section of RIU are to combat the disinformation spread by people who have a specific anti-religious bent. I'd like people to see that science and critical thinking are not mutually exclusive or even at odds with spirituality. I'd like to show that spirituality is so far broader a concept than what most people see it as - either being that you need to follow everything your church says or you will burn in hell, or from the other end, a wole bunch of bullshit about a sky wizard made up to control people for money and power.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

some people are not yet ready to accept that we know nothing, we only know what we perceive to be true within our own existence... within our own self created reality, which is not reality at all...but illusion. some have not yet gained the ability to let go of everything they hold dear, which is everything they think they know.

god? understand bro, that god is something you just cant understand. you have heard about it, you have read about it, you have seen it on tv, you have imagined it in your mind, people have told you about it. but is that real? is the perception you have about god real? or is that self created? if you tear it down and go deep, go fucking deep. you come to an understanding about god, that it is something that we humans can never know in a physical way. you think our bodies can handle the great awesomeness and non awesomeness that god might be?

i know what your trying to say man, i know that you want to know, i do to. we can try to understand yes, but our human flesh brains cannot understand. only our external consciousness/spirit/soul can ever come close to experiencing what god is.

so yet again i say what i know you absolutely hate to hear, you do not know about god...only your consciousness has the ability to fathom god.

what you think you know about god, is the illusion you have created for yourself about it.

 

[karri0n]

some people are not yet ready to accept that we know nothing, we only know what we perceive to be true within our own existence... within our own self created reality, which is not reality at all...but illusion. some have not yet gained the ability to let go of everything they hold dear, which is everything they think they know.

god? understand bro, that god is something you just cant understand. you have heard about it, you have read about it, you have seen it on tv, you have imagined it in your mind, people have told you about it. but is that real? is the perception you have about god real? or is that self created? if you tear it down and go deep, go fucking deep. you come to an understanding about god, that it is something that we humans can never know in a physical way. you think our bodies can handle the great awesomeness and non awesomeness that god might be?

i know what your trying to say man, i know that you want to know, i do to. we can try to understand yes, but our human flesh brains cannot understand. only our external consciousness/spirit/soul can ever come close to experiencing what god is.

so yet again i say what i know you absolutely hate to hear, you do not know about god...only your consciousness has the ability to fathom god.

what you think you know about god, is the illusion you have created for yourself about it.

Just as what you know about god, and even the world all around you is an illusion you have created for yourself.

Reality is an illusion. The gods that we know and work with our just as real(or just as not real) as the computer you sit in front of while typing this, and just as real as the data transferring over the tubes and being stored on the RIU servers as I submit this post.

Spirituality is about understanding and connecting with your own spirit, which is the part of you that does have the capacity to connect with, learn from, and yes, have some understanding of god. Our minds are able to connect with our spirit, and while you are partially correct when you say we can only "experience" god, you fail to recognize the fact that there is indeed a complete chain from the conscious intellect to god. The body is able to connect with the mind through the brain, the mind is able to connect with the spirit or higher self, and the spirit is able to connect to god. This is why we are able to remember our spiritual experiences. Through this chain, we can use our intellect to analyze these experiences, pick them apart, gain knowledge and wisdom from them, and, indeed, develop an understanding of god. Depending on which god-figure you are working with, it may be more or less difficult to develop an understanding of. A clear-cut personified deity which we have hundreds of pieces of mythology that give examples of the nature and character of is usually easier to understand than a formless and nondescript energy source or a nature spirit that really has no common characteristics with any living creature or person. The reason for this is that we are social animals and genetically programmed to be able to understand people better than we can understand abstract concepts. However, some people are quite socially inept and are, in fact, better at understanding an abstract concept than conceptualizing the nature or personality of a specific personified deity. This is where the theory of multiple intelligences can once again be applied to spirituality. The average person is likely more capable in the area of social intelligence than existential intelligence, but someone who is very gifted in existential intelligence but remedial in social intelligence is likely to gravitate more towards a conceptual abstract deity than a clear-cut and personified one.



View attachment 1606404
Pictured: God.


edit:

"you think our bodies can handle the great awesomeness and non awesomeness that god might be?"

Actually yes, our bodies are capable of handling the essence of god. People have been invoking gods into their bodies for time immemorial. While a mortal human body cannot possibly contain a god's full power, the gods know this and tend to not make people explode or melt or whatever other terrible fate might happen in the case of a catastrophic energy overload when invoking. Some people are only able to bring in a very small amount of energy that causes a slight shift in consciousness or a divine inspiration, while others(sometimes through long and serious training, consumption of chemicals, some just naturally having this gift[more often than not people with it by nature who receive no training go batshit insane, luckily with the internet there are a lot more resources to people these days], and some seemingly opening to this ability as a result of a traumatic brain injury) are able to enter a state of full possession which they have no memory of the words they said or events that occurred during the possession. And yes, it's fucking intense.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

we dont develop an understanding of god, we develop an acceptance of god

but i agree with you on most everything else

through meditation, that is the only way i personally have been able to experience the essence of god (i am sure there could be other ways to venture into the consciousness/inner being)... and i have meditated long and hard. i accept that this is an illusion, and i accept that what i think i know...manifested out of this illusion, even with this experience i still cannot presume to actually know god. i can only ever presume TO THINK I KNOW. you dont know man, i dont know. and like i said before, some people are not yet ready to face the no-thingness. to give up all images of ego, to give up all attachments...not only in materialistic terms, but in mortal egotistical thinking terms too, to give up everything besides the inner being that resides in you.

it is an emptiness, with such fullness that you cannot imagine it..you can only experience it in the moment. in the moment. because there is but one moment, this moment right now this millisecond, which god is manifest in.

to experience the existence of god is one thing, to presume to know god is another. -the latter of this my friend is what i believe you are trying to do.


this is something that ive come to terms with, and have yet to put action to my thoughts. as of right now i don't have the opportunity to live the way i need to live, in order take the journey i know that i need to, to find myself. 7 weeks i am moving, and i will not have a pc anymore, i will not have a tv anymore, a toaster,microwave, fridge. i am giving up all material things, i do not own anything...my mind makes me think i do. i do not own my body, but i would like to think that i own my soul, my consciousness. but who can really say that they own even that? is to claim ownership just another manifestation of my ego? i don't know, all i know is that i must give up everything, all items, currency, and my own egotistical thought process. the only way to do that is to give it all up. this is what i am going to do, and this is the message im trying to get across to everyone. (now starting to realize that trying to get the message across is not working)

we must all take our own personal journeys, but how much are you willing to give up? how bad do you really want to NOT know...but experience. how bad do you want to experience your inner being? this journey will take everything from you and leave you with nothing but yourself. you must give everything up, i am just starting to get to the point where i can put actions behind my words. the funny thing is, it seems like i am the only one, and everyone thinks im crazy for wanting to give everything away. but that's ok, because its not about them, its about me. its about my personal spiritual growth, and to take that journey it is imperative that we release our minds, and our bodys of all external things. i will get there, i know i will...its scary, because it does seem like im the only one who really wants to put action behind theory...but i realize that this journey i cant take anyone else with.

i'm not trying to tell you that your wrong, because in your mind at this moment... that is your reality. but that is not the point of this, it is to help us look at things from a different perspective. to help us realize that we only THINK WE KNOW. you only think you know, and you must let go of this thought process to be fully awakened. i am not there yet, but would like to THINK i can get there.

 

[karri0n]

we dont develop an understanding of god, we develop an acceptance of god

but i agree with you on most everything else

through meditation, that is the only way i personally have been able to experience the essence of god (i am sure there could be other ways to venture into the consciousness/inner being)... and i have meditated long and hard. i accept that this is an illusion, and i accept that what i think i know...manifested out of this illusion, even with this experience i still cannot presume to actually know god. i can only ever presume TO THINK I KNOW. you dont know man, i dont know. and like i said before, some people are not yet ready to face the no-thingness. to give up all images of ego, to give up all attachments...not only in materialistic terms, but in mortal egotistical thinking terms too, to give up everything besides the inner being that resides in you.

it is an emptiness, with such fullness that you cannot imagine it..you can only experience it in the moment. in the moment. because there is but one moment, this moment right now this millisecond, which god is manifest in.

to experience the existence of god is one thing, to presume to know god is another. -the latter of this my friend is what i believe you are trying to do.


this is something that ive come to terms with, and have yet to put action to my thoughts. as of right now i don't have the opportunity to live the way i need to live, in order take the journey i know that i need to, to find myself. 7 weeks i am moving, and i will not have a pc anymore, i will not have a tv anymore, a toaster,microwave, fridge. i am giving up all material things, i do not own anything...my mind makes me think i do. i do not own my body, but i would like to think that i own my soul, my consciousness. but who can really say that they own even that? is to claim ownership just another manifestation of my ego? i don't know, all i know is that i must give up everything, all items, currency, and my own egotistical thought process. the only way to do that is to give it all up. this is what i am going to do, and this is the message im trying to get across to everyone. (now starting to realize that trying to get the message across is not working)

we must all take our own personal journeys, but how much are you willing to give up? how bad do you really want to NOT know...but experience. how bad do you want to experience your inner being? this journey will take everything from you and leave you with nothing but yourself. you must give everything up, i am just starting to get to the point where i can put actions behind my words. the funny thing is, it seems like i am the only one, and everyone thinks im crazy for wanting to give everything away. but that's ok, because its not about them, its about me. its about my personal spiritual growth, and to take that journey it is imperative that we release our minds, and our bodys of all external things. i will get there, i know i will...its scary, because it does seem like im the only one who really wants to put action behind theory...but i realize that this journey i cant take anyone else with.

i'm not trying to tell you that your wrong, because in your mind at this moment... that is your reality. but that is not the point of this, it is to help us look at things from a different perspective. to help us realize that we only THINK WE KNOW. you only think you know, and you must let go of this thought process to be fully awakened. i am not there yet, but would like to THINK i can get there.

Becoming a hermit is not the path to spiritual enlightenment. "Crazy" and "enlightened" share many common themes, but theya re not one in the same, and absolute solitude only leads to one of these. There is much work that needs to be done that involves working with and teaching other people. Even monks engage in teaching and interacting with others.

You also discount the fact that there are many, many faces and facets of "god". No, we cannot truly understand every facet of reality or understand the full scope of what divinity is, but that doesn't mean we should stop striving towards it.

i'm not trying to tell you that your wrong, because in your mind at this moment... that is your reality. but that is not the point of this, it is to help us look at things from a different perspective. to help us realize that we only THINK WE KNOW. you only think you know, and you must let go of this thought process to be fully awakened. i am not there yet, but would like to THINK i can get there.

And once again you should follow your own advice. You THINK you know the point you are trying to get across is truth, but you need to look at this from a different perspective. While you are correct in your assertion that NOTHING is "real", you fail to realize that, on the other side of the coin, it's because of this that EVERYTHING is also "real". We experience, learn, taste touch, see, hear, and feel from all of these experiences just as we do from "reality". In theory, nothing is real, but in practice, everything is real. The very most important thing we can do with ourselves is to learn. Treat everything from the spiritual to the mundane, the pleasurable and the painful, as a learning experience.

Instead of opening up to the possibility that there is more knowledge and experience available that you did not know about, you stick to your guns and you "KNOW" that we can't possibly understand the nature of spirit. (Henceforth can we agree on some terms? You are using "God" which describes an entity, where most people who work in this type of context would refer to it with the broader terms of either "spirit" or "divinity". I will use the word "god" to refer to specific deities, and "spirit" to refer to the essence that you are referring to with the word "god") The fact remains, it is indeed possible for us to fully understand the nature of spirit. This is known as Nirvana or enlightenment, and takes many, many lives to learn. When someone does achieve this, they have learned all that they need to, and their life(lives) on earth will be finished. They will ascend and be one with everything. Obviously I am still sitting here typing, and so I'm not one of these people.

The other thing that you seem to be asserting is that we can not "know" that gods exist. We can and do know this. I posted a picture of one of them in my previous post. I'm not sure if you're failing to understand or simply failing to acknowledge this, but our knowledge of gods is completely undeniable. I can point you to some links for mythology textbooks if you'd like further proof.

but that's ok, because its not about them, its about me. its about my personal spiritual growth,

This is something you need to focus on and understand your motivations for. Doing something, especially something that forsakes others, with the intent of gaining "Personal spiritual growth" is selfish and detrimental to the very growth you are looking for. In many ways this is no different than seeking for the material wealth that you are shunning. A spiritually enlightened person does work for the benefit of others, not for themselves.

 

[boneheadbob]

You may know nothing about the gods, but telling someone who dedicates a large portion of their life to the study of the gods, religion, and mythology that they don't either, is insulting. I wouldn't tell a Catholic priest that they know nothing about their God, either.

You deserve some respect. I do not agree with everything you say, however it is obvious you can sit down and discuss how others feel about their brand of spirituality without disrespecting their views.

 

[karri0n]

You deserve some respect. I do not agree with everything you say, however it is obvious you can sit down and discuss how others feel about their brand of spirituality without disrespecting their views.

I appreciate it. Disrespect gets us nowhere.

 

[Brazko]

to give up everything besides the inner being that resides in you.

Could you elaborate more on this inner being?

 

[Brazko]

Z..to add there is no hidden motive behind my question, but I'm simply trying to understand your perspective insight on God/god. That question also stems from you speaking of illusions and reality. If you ever see me posting in this section I will probably use science/physics to philosophically explain my views. And it is clearly not intended for your purpose but to allow others to follow along. That brings a certain reality about that they cannot simply dismiss into fantasy.

However in regards to illusion, it seems your concept of what's real separates from my line of thought. Meaning when I speak of illusion, I speak from the standpoint of manifested reality and its impermanence just as we are soon to be illusions of the past.

And I hope that I don't come off as all knowing because I know I know No Thing. We are all teachers of each other. Some more than others...


Edit: I've reread your post and was able to see that we do see illusion in the same spirituality sense of the term. I think the confusion is coming from your pov that we cannot know and understand god but experience god. So my line of questioning still remains to understand what do you view this inner being within us as? And to what extent could we begin to say we know and understand this inner being? Or is it that we can never come to understand and know what is within us?

Also I do agree that there is no way to Bottle up "God" to be presented, just as words cannot encompass an absolute description of "God". But that has little of nothing to do with understanding and knowing "God" because it is through experience that one comes to know and understand.

 

[Brazko]

.....I promise Z' I'm gonna let you respond but I think we are saying the same thing but the context of terminology being used is incorrect. I think when you say we cannot know "god", you are speaking in terms of the "Tao" = "The Way". And in that sense, I would say you stand more accurate in the aspect of that you can only experience the "Tao". There is a term that Skeptics/Free Thinkers prefer to use in its place as well, called "Chaos", in which they say it's no order but to me its a beautiful orderly spewing of happening. And that doesn't mean they don't think it's beautiful as well. We may still miss the mark on a few other points/concepts, but I think I'm understanding with a little more clarity in thought toward the prinicple you are making.

 

[karri0n]

.....I promise Z' I'm gonna let you respond but I think we are saying the same thing but the context of terminology being used is incorrect. I think when you say we cannot know "god", you are speaking in terms of the "Tao" = "The Way". And in that sense, I would say you stand more accurate in the aspect of that you can only experience the "Tao". There is a term that Skeptics/Free Thinkers prefer to use in its place as well, called "Chaos", in which they say it's no order but to me its a beautiful orderly spewing of happening. And that doesn't mean they don't think it's beautiful as well. We may still miss the mark on a few other points/concepts, but I think I'm understanding with a little more clarity in thought toward the prinicple you are making.

"Spirit" or "divinity" are common words as well.

 

[Brazko]

"Spirit" or "divinity" are common words as well.

True and good point, its through the Spirit that we understand and know. There is a book I've read and it shares a point of thought that we have a lower mind (monkey brain) and a Higher mind (spiritual mind). The lower mind is connected and drawn to the material world while the Higher mind is connected to the divinity of all things. When presented with puzzling questions, riddles, problems, life etc... If the case is of a person thinking with their lower mind, they go through all sorts of schematic approaches of solving, but when a person is in their higher mind the answer comes forth uninhibited because the higher mind already knows. It is similar to the euphoria of enlightenment one perceives while meditating on any said subject.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

Could you elaborate more on this inner being?

man, to tell you the truth. i don't know, i have noooo idea. i just have a feeling, or a calling or something... it cannot be explained with words, but the fact is that i do not know, and i might not ever know, but that is not the point. i think it is the journey to find it... today i closed out my bank account and gave everything to my mother. in the next few weeks i will be moving into the country with my best friend and his wife. im going to give them the title to my car, my tv, my computer, microwave, i pod, gameboy, everything i have external of me i will give to them. (as a sort of compensation for allowing me to live there and continue with my journey in peace, as well as cleaning up for them, doing dishes'n what not to make my stay welcome) i will never again use money, not many people will ever understand that and i dont expect anyone to. and i dont expect anyone to take this literally, and to just do what i do and thats the only way to do it... everyone is different. everyone goes on their own distinctive journey whatever that may be. im guess at the begininning i was trying to get people to do things the way i am going to, becuase im scared.

heres a letter i wrote myself last night after a lengthy session of talking with my little brother...

"Yes im scared, im scared for drake, for mom, for steve. im scared to give everything up, everything I have ever grown to love or admire or become attached to. im scared for everyone, I am terrified for me. I am exactly everyone whom Ive seen, made contact with and have tried to be, I am what I think everyone else wants me to be… I am what I think I want me to be. Nothing around me exists, none of this matters, it is all an illusion blotting out the truth. Im scared because ive realized that all of everything is just an illusion, that the only thing that truly exists is my inner being and I have no idea who or what that is. I have no idea, and im so fucking scared. Im scared to give everything up, everything… this journey will take everything from you, and leave you with nothing but yourself. Nothing, but your inner being. Am I ready?... I don’t know. I don’t know…but from not knowing comes fear, and I cannot run away from it any longer. I cannot hide from myself anymore…

the closer it gets to the time where I know I must move on, the more scared I get and the more I want to clutch to what I think I know… the more unsure about what I know I must do. This is me, trying to cope with my fear. This is me, reaching out for something, anything to grab onto, anything to keep me from walking out of the cave…the light is blinding, and it burns. Will I be able to open my eyes?"


im not really sure why i chose to share that, maybe in hopes that someone out there will understand my confusion, pain and fear. i have been all talk and no action. which is why i know now that my trying to help people... is not because i want to help. its because im aggravated that i have not had the courage to do these things myself. i wish you all luck on your own journey, wherever it may take you. i dont know where mine will lead, but i get the feeling like im doing whats right for my inner being/soul/consciousness, or whatever word you want to use it doesnt matter, because it cant be explained with words. either way, good luck to you all.