Sex!!!

[dLoc07]

Sex stories.... Funny, sad, terrifying, great, horrible, anything! If you think its worthy of us reading, LAY IT ON US!! Or even something you think sounds funny, request someone to do it for you! If you've heard of the spider man- (where you cum in your hand and throw it in a girls face like a web), but have never done it and think it would be funny to hear of someone who has or will.... REQUEST IT!!! Im sure someone will do it for you, and post up the details for all of RIU to enjoy and laugh at! Lets make this the Largest thread RIU has ever seen.

 

[heathaa]

one time i fucked my wife in the ass and she shit my dick out and there was a green turd on the head of my junk and i had to flop it off cuz i didnt want to touch it

 

[dLoc07]

Thats fuckin GROSS!!! please tell me you hit her with it!!

 

[Tenner]

There was a thread like this relatively recently and it made it to like 20+ pages lol

I did my gf one day and she didn`t shower properly then I had a piece of dry cum fall in my eye during a 69. I wear contacts and its a tragedy when you have a piece of your dry crumbled up cum stuck to a contact lens going all over the place as your trying to get it out, while your girlfriend is half sitting on you and still in action I mean anybody wearing contacts, think of an eyelash stuck to the lens, can you imagine how a piece of dry cum feels, like the size of an oat?

But hey, I only stopped for like 10 seconds

 

[dirtyho1968]

Rolling laughing!

 

[dLoc07]

There was a thread like this relatively recently and it made it to like 20+ pages lol

I did my gf one day and she didn`t shower properly then I had a piece of dry cum fall in my eye during a 69. I wear contacts and its a tragedy when you have a piece of your dry crumbled up cum stuck to a contact lens going all over the place as your trying to get it out, while your girlfriend is half sitting on you and still in action I mean anybody wearing contacts, think of an eyelash stuck to the lens, can you imagine how a piece of dry cum feels, like the size of an oat?

But hey, I only stopped for like 10 seconds

That sounds tragic, but also sounds like youre a pro!! Thats pretty good timing in the middle of a 69... not exactly easy in that position to keep going, pick that shit out of your eye, and not miss a beat... all in 10 secs too???

 

[Tenner]

That sounds tragic, but also sounds like youre a pro!! Thats pretty good timing in the middle of a 69... not exactly easy in that position to keep going, pick that shit out of your eye, and not miss a beat... all in 10 secs too???

Nah I doubt I can say I`m pro don`t get me all chuffed up now hehe

Picking the stuff out the eye was pretty awful, you have the eye shaking water pouring out and the damn eye shuts and you kinda have to wipe it out lol

I did stop for 10 secs and lost some hardness though

I hope a dried piece of poo never makes it into my damn eye!! lol

 

[heathaa]

one time i met a chick at the beach. we were going to take a walk on the beach for some "fun" so she ran to her car to grab a rubber and im on the beach. i was fishing all day and didnt want to stink so i jumped in the saltwater and made sure i didnt have bait or anything on me. she gets back and she starts giving me head and she looks up and asked if i eat veggies recently i said yea. cuz it was tru. i said why do you ask that? she said if you eat a lot of veggies your junk will taste like salt and if you eat a lot of fruit it will have a sweeter taste. i was like yea that must be it.

 

[dam612]

"the flaming dragon" bust in her mouth, then hold your hand over her mouth tightly and tell her you have the clap/ghon/syph/aids-watch that shit projectile everywhere
"the rusty trombone" self explanatory-atm
"Angry pirate" cum in her eye, and kick her in the shin and watch that scally wag stumble like a fool
"sand blaster" a nice facial followed up with a slap of sand to the face, a gritty mess

 

[dLoc07]

ok so heres one... I was vacationing down in South Carolina about 6 years ago. I wanted to go to the club down there, and asked my brother to go. Hes kinda the punk rock type and didnt really wanna go, so i bribed him with paying his way in, and all he could drink. Who would say no to that??? Anyways, we get to this club called Kryptonite, and I'm double fistin from the door. I was trashed within an hour of being there. I went there to get drunk and get pussy... i see this guy standing over by these 2 girls dancing. Its obvious hes knows them or is just a complete creeper... So i go over there and start making conversation with the guy. NOT IN A GAY WAY.... AS IN, IM GONNA FIGURE OUT WHICH GIRL YOURE WITH AND IM GONNA FUCK THE OTHER, KIND OF WAY!! Plan works, turns out the one girl is his sister and the other is her friend. My brother and I found our one night stands! So i go after the better looking one of course, and my bro got the lesser of the 2, which was still good. We do our danciing for the night, along with a altercation where some guy tried taking my brothers girl. lmao I was so trashed Im surprised the guy didnt beat my face in for saying what i said to him... Nice Guy!! So the club is getting ready to shut down... and they ask if we want to go to the beach and drink. We say yes and figure out where were going to meet so they can follow us. I get in the car and pass right out. Not even a minute after we get in, i throw up all over myself and the car. lmfao. Heres where my player skills come into play, from here on. So my brother stops the car tell me to get out and clean it up... I was like no just drive.. go.. get out of here before they see this or shot is gone with this girl. He said no and made me get out and clean it up the best i could. Everyones laughing at me and we head back to the condo. I hurry and get showered and brush my teeth, and head down to the beach with them. I sobered up a little from that incident and was ready to drink more hahaha so the girl i was talking to, asked me to go swimming in the ocean with her. I told her i was scared of the water (which I am, but i played it up more than i really was) and she tells me if i go in with her she'll go in naked. DONE! I was in that water swimming faster than michael phelps!! my brother and his girl were up on the beach and they couldnt see what we were doing. My brothers girl told him she couldnt fuck him, because the girl i was with wanted to be good, and she didnt want to be the only one doing that. Needless to say i was fucking that girls brains out in that ocean. the waves were not the best thing for my stomach so i carried her onto the beach , dick still inside her and banged her on the beach! I ended up banging that girl for the next 4 days till we left. hahahaha She was such a freak too! She was awesome! I actually talked to her about 6 months ago after 3 years hahahaha. Moral of the story?? If you puke on yourself, youre probably screwed, unless you picked up a true SLUT!! lmao Hope you guys enjoyed it. +REP If you like, and ill rep you back!

 

[DSB65]

Was getting a blow job and this girl told me not to cum in her mouth...well i did and she spit the shit right in my face....

 

[PushForKush]

View attachment 1713118View attachment 1713117ok so heres one... I was vacationing down in South Carolina about 6 years ago. I wanted to go to the club down there, and asked my brother to go. Hes kinda the punk rock type and didnt really wanna go, so i bribed him with paying his way in, and all he could drink. Who would say no to that??? Anyways, we get to this club called Kryptonite, and I'm double fistin from the door. I was trashed within an hour of being there. I went there to get drunk and get pussy... i see this guy standing over by these 2 girls dancing. Its obvious hes knows them or is just a complete creeper... So i go over there and start making conversation with the guy. NOT IN A GAY WAY.... AS IN, IM GONNA FIGURE OUT WHICH GIRL YOURE WITH AND IM GONNA FUCK THE OTHER, KIND OF WAY!! Plan works, turns out the one girl is his sister and the other is her friend. My brother and I found our one night stands! So i go after the better looking one of course, and my bro got the lesser of the 2, which was still good. We do our danciing for the night, along with a altercation where some guy tried taking my brothers girl. lmao I was so trashed Im surprised the guy didnt beat my face in for saying what i said to him... Nice Guy!! So the club is getting ready to shut down... and they ask if we want to go to the beach and drink. We say yes and figure out where were going to meet so they can follow us. I get in the car and pass right out. Not even a minute after we get in, i throw up all over myself and the car. lmfao. Heres where my player skills come into play, from here on. So my brother stops the car tell me to get out and clean it up... I was like no just drive.. go.. get out of here before they see this or shot is gone with this girl. He said no and made me get out and clean it up the best i could. Everyones laughing at me and we head back to the condo. I hurry and get showered and brush my teeth, and head down to the beach with them. I sobered up a little from that incident and was ready to drink more hahaha so the girl i was talking to, asked me to go swimming in the ocean with her. I told her i was scared of the water (which I am, but i played it up more than i really was) and she tells me if i go in with her she'll go in naked. DONE! I was in that water swimming faster than michael phelps!! my brother and his girl were up on the beach and they couldnt see what we were doing. My brothers girl told him she couldnt fuck him, because the girl i was with wanted to be good, and she didnt want to be the only one doing that. Needless to say i was fucking that girls brains out in that ocean. the waves were not the best thing for my stomach so i carried her onto the beach , dick still inside her and banged her on the beach! I ended up banging that girl for the next 4 days till we left. hahahaha She was such a freak too! She was awesome! I actually talked to her about 6 months ago after 3 years hahahaha. Moral of the story?? If you puke on yourself, youre probably screwed, unless you picked up a true SLUT!! lmao Hope you guys enjoyed it.

lmao!! awesome story, and props for writing that haha

tough luck for ur bro i guess lol

 

[mazand1982]

one time i was on a first date with this nasty hot little latina i met from some dating website, we were at some bar in whittier (so cal bitch) and i went to the bathroom and came back and these other two fuckin crazy hot chicks were talking to her, i sat down and chopped it up with my date and the other 2 hotties and it was obvious the 2 girls liked my date and they were bi, they wanted her and apparently thought i was cute so we were both invited to their apartment, after a few more beers, everybody fucked everybody, my sexy little latina whore internet date, this other 20 something mixed cutie and some other white girl. man that was the experience of a fucking lifetime. i used condoms too, dont worry, i used up like 7 or 8 of them i think,lol...my glove compartment stash of them was bone dry after that night

 

[Tenner]

View attachment 1713118View attachment 1713117ok so heres one... I was vacationing down in South Carolina about 6 years ago. I wanted to go to the club down there, and asked my brother to go. Hes kinda the punk rock type and didnt really wanna go, so i bribed him with paying his way in, and all he could drink. Who would say no to that??? Anyways, we get to this club called Kryptonite, and I'm double fistin from the door. I was trashed within an hour of being there. I went there to get drunk and get pussy... i see this guy standing over by these 2 girls dancing. Its obvious hes knows them or is just a complete creeper... So i go over there and start making conversation with the guy. NOT IN A GAY WAY.... AS IN, IM GONNA FIGURE OUT WHICH GIRL YOURE WITH AND IM GONNA FUCK THE OTHER, KIND OF WAY!! Plan works, turns out the one girl is his sister and the other is her friend. My brother and I found our one night stands! So i go after the better looking one of course, and my bro got the lesser of the 2, which was still good. We do our danciing for the night, along with a altercation where some guy tried taking my brothers girl. lmao I was so trashed Im surprised the guy didnt beat my face in for saying what i said to him... Nice Guy!! So the club is getting ready to shut down... and they ask if we want to go to the beach and drink. We say yes and figure out where were going to meet so they can follow us. I get in the car and pass right out. Not even a minute after we get in, i throw up all over myself and the car. lmfao. Heres where my player skills come into play, from here on. So my brother stops the car tell me to get out and clean it up... I was like no just drive.. go.. get out of here before they see this or shot is gone with this girl. He said no and made me get out and clean it up the best i could. Everyones laughing at me and we head back to the condo. I hurry and get showered and brush my teeth, and head down to the beach with them. I sobered up a little from that incident and was ready to drink more hahaha so the girl i was talking to, asked me to go swimming in the ocean with her. I told her i was scared of the water (which I am, but i played it up more than i really was) and she tells me if i go in with her she'll go in naked. DONE! I was in that water swimming faster than michael phelps!! my brother and his girl were up on the beach and they couldnt see what we were doing. My brothers girl told him she couldnt fuck him, because the girl i was with wanted to be good, and she didnt want to be the only one doing that. Needless to say i was fucking that girls brains out in that ocean. the waves were not the best thing for my stomach so i carried her onto the beach , dick still inside her and banged her on the beach! I ended up banging that girl for the next 4 days till we left. hahahaha She was such a freak too! She was awesome! I actually talked to her about 6 months ago after 3 years hahahaha. Moral of the story?? If you puke on yourself, youre probably screwed, unless you picked up a true SLUT!! lmao Hope you guys enjoyed it. +REP If you like, and ill rep you back!

Hahahaa nice one! You were determined I`ll give you that straight, cleaning the car in front of everyone with sick on you (not that you propably cared in this state of mind) but the fast action shower was the move

 

[Tenner]

one time i was on a first date with this nasty hot little latina i met from some dating website, we were at some bar in whittier (so cal bitch) and i went to the bathroom and came back and these other two fuckin crazy hot chicks were talking to her, i sat down and chopped it up with my date and the other 2 hotties and it was obvious the 2 girls liked my date and they were bi, they wanted her and apparently thought i was cute so we were both invited to their apartment, after a few more beers, everybody fucked everybody, my sexy little latina whore internet date, this other 20 something mixed cutie and some other white girl. man that was the experience of a fucking lifetime. i used condoms too, dont worry, i used up like 7 or 8 of them i think,lol...my glove compartment stash of them was bone dry after that night

Sounds too good to be true but if it is then you were living the dream hehe

 

[dLoc07]

lmao!! awesome story, and props for writing that haha

tough luck for ur bro i guess lol

It took a while to type, but i thought it was worth it for everyone!! yeah sucks to be him... when he found out what we were doing he was pissed!! lol

 

[dLoc07]

Hahahaa nice one! You were determined I`ll give you that straight, cleaning the car in front of everyone with sick on you (not that you propably cared in this state of mind) but the fast action shower was the move

I took the fastest shower of my life! hahaha That was the night... It was really embarassing... i wanted him to just drive off... hahahaha Im gald he didnt though!

 

[mazand1982]

Sounds too good to be true but if it is then you were living the dream hehe

haha believe me, it was a one time deal for sure, i had a couple drinks and was feeling pretty smooth but it was definitely atleast 97% luck...LOL....but it happened alright i still jack off to that night, HAHA

 

[mazand1982]

now that everyone has heard my story can i get a few people to click on the signature and stop by my grow and let me know how im doin or what???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????....

 

[dLoc07]

now that everyone has heard my story can i get a few people to click on the signature and stop by my grow and let me know how im doin or what???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????....

Looking good so far... PM me, I had a question for you...