Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
The peanut butter comes at the end as a nice parting gift.
Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS
- Thread starter Big P
- Start date
Don Gin and Ton
Well-Known Member
should have run those fools down
dirtyho1968
Well-Known Member
Lobster anyone?
dirtyho1968
Well-Known Member
Vagina Tree
This one won't load so here's the link:http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/80524284/
This one won't load so here's the link:http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/80524284/
guy incognito
Well-Known Member
bobtokes
Well-Known Member
Things that are imposible to say when your drunk
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
The freebird is typing today
gopherbuddah
Well-Known Member
nothing funny, but i thought this was super frickin cool, and im going to make some! theyre hemp pendant lights diy!
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/9qyjN6/go.tipjunkie.com/dc/284/www.craftynest.com/2009/03/hemp-pendant-lamps/
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/9qyjN6/go.tipjunkie.com/dc/284/www.craftynest.com/2009/03/hemp-pendant-lamps/
Big P
Well-Known Member
Your Mom is so fat she was overthrown by a small militia, she's now know as The Republic of Your Mom
Your Mom is so fat that the local restaurant says maximum occupancy 45 people or your mom
Your Mom is so fat she when she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
Your Mom's so fat she has to put a belt on with a boomerang.
Your Mom's so fat, that after we finished having sex, I rolled over twice, and I was still on the Bitch!
Your Mom's so fat people jog around her for exercise
Your Mom's so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
Your Mom is so fat that the local restaurant says maximum occupancy 45 people or your mom
Your Mom is so fat she when she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
Your Mom's so fat she has to put a belt on with a boomerang.
Your Mom's so fat, that after we finished having sex, I rolled over twice, and I was still on the Bitch!
Your Mom's so fat people jog around her for exercise
Your Mom's so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
bobtokes
Well-Known Member
Funny insurance claim statements
"I was driving along the motorway when the police pulled me over onto the hard shoulder. Unfortunately I was in the middle lane and there was another car in the way.." (Thanks M Robson)
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.." (Thanks N Bradley)
"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof." (from an Australian claim form - Thanks N Shepherd)
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." (Thanks Sharon Burrows)
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."
"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "
"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."
"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."
"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."
"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."
"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."
"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
"I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings."
"The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."
"I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before."
"I was driving along the motorway when the police pulled me over onto the hard shoulder. Unfortunately I was in the middle lane and there was another car in the way.." (Thanks M Robson)
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.." (Thanks N Bradley)
"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof." (from an Australian claim form - Thanks N Shepherd)
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." (Thanks Sharon Burrows)
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."
"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "
"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."
"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."
"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."
"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."
"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."
"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
"I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings."
"The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."
"I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before."
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
Cat's fine. Notice after the bounce it still landed on it's feet. It only needed to retract claws to let loose. Funny though. I wonder if it will do it again?
dirtsurfr
Well-Known Member
When I was a kid I had this cat that my Dad loved to fuck with. One day she got a infected sliver in he paw, so My Dad decided to soak her paw in Epsom Salts.
So here's Dad semi sitting on the cat holding it's paw in the Epsom salts, the cat's back there chewing the shit out of Dads wallet and she finally gets off to the side and bites Dad right square in the ass. Dad screams like a school girl and lets go of the cat. The cat proceeds to climb up Dads back and jumped off his shoulder leaving bloody paw prints up his back. I thought I was gonna die laughing at Dad.
He's been gone for 10 years now but I have some great memories of him.