The UK Growers Thread!

dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
Daily Star - Many benefit claiments spend just 8 minutes a day looking for work.

Coincidently,that is the exact total time of the Jeremy Kyle breaks combined.
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
RobbieP said:
yeah but cheaper lol ... rock n roll stopped a weeks wages last week cus i was late to sign .. nobs ...
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been there before mate thats why im now on sick as an alcoholic. i visit the doc once a month and he gives me a line and thats it. they ask u to go to a medical (which u WILL fail!) and then u put in an appeal which will take at least 6 months due to the fuckin enormous back log during which time the continue paying you and u just sit on your ass watching the telly and smoking doobies.
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
I rang the doctor and said "my wife has been hit by a golf ball"

He said "Where?"

I said "Between the first and second hole"

He said "That doesn't leave much room to operate..."
 
Beansly

Beansly

RIU Bulldog
The difference between the three Celtic races is that the Scot keeps the sabbath and everything he can lay his hands on; the Welshman prays on his knees on sunday and everyone else the rest of the week: while the Irishman doesn't know what he wants, but he'll fight to the death for it.
 
Beansly

Beansly

RIU Bulldog
The lecturer was proud of his ancestry, and he didn't conceal it from his County Cork audience.
'I was born an Englishman; I live as an Englishman, and I hope to die an Englishman.'
'Yerra', came a loud voice from the back of the hall, 'Have you no ambition in ye at all?'
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
What's the difference between choice and choose?

Choice is a decision you make and Choose is what Mexicans wear on their feet
 
Airwave

Airwave

Well-Known Member
Sneaking across the U.S border with your 19 brothers and sisters isn't enough? You have to emigrate to the uk thread too?

Then again, my grass could do with a nice trim.
 
Beansly

Beansly

RIU Bulldog
Airwave said:
Sneaking across the U.S border with your 19 brothers and sisters isn't enough? You have to emigrate to the uk thread too?

Then again, my grass could do with a nice trim.
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ahah--no


Pay attention to dura, he's got the idea, Jock that he is lol
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful," says the mother. "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Scottish husband!"
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part.
 
dura72

dura72

Well-Known Member
In a Scottish classroom, the teacher asks a student, "If you have 5 pounds, and I ask you to borrow 2, how many pounds do you have left?"
"5."
 
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