Random drug tests for the rest of my life. Help me pass them.

[Goldowitz]

I love my job in the private sector, but have decided to take up a government job. If everything works out, I will have this job or one like it for the rest of my life and will have to deal with random drug testing. If I come up dirty once in the next 30 years, it will destroy my career.

The easy answer is to stop smoking, but weed is VERY medicinal for me so I need to come up with a solution. I will drink some Detoxify to pass the piss test when I take my physical, but will need to have synthetic piss on me at all times when I am on the job. My work will include crawling, climbing and periods of hard physical labor. It would be easy to tape a bottle to my leg, but tape will fail during the summer when I am working hard and sweat all day.
These drug tests will be the kind where they stand in the open door, so a product like the "Whizzinator" sounds like the best option. The problem is that refills run $15 each and I don't know how long they last once mixed up. If I had to pay $15 each day plus buy 9v batteries every few days it will be several hundred dollars a month.

My requirements:
1. Has to be mixed/ready to go, heated and on my person 100% of my working time.
2. Hot temps plus hard labor equals sweat so I need a way of keeping it from falling off me while I am working. I will also be lifting, carrying, etc so it will get bumped around and must not fall off.

I would love to hear some ideas. Plus rep for good ones.

 

[Da Almighty Jew]

my suggestion would be to keep some synthetic dehydrated piss on you. when they want to pop a random mix it up and pop it in the microwave. and be careful when they are watching you.
Shalom

 

[jesus of Cannabis]

make a choice! sounds like a no brainer to me, i would stop smoking and be a pill popper for a government job.

 

[catmando]

yup start up coke, ride the white pony

 

[midwestmmj]

Wear tight whities! I always did it when I was in the military. I never failed but then again I always knew right before pt if it would happen so id go to my locker and get it. Id stop and see what the procedure is like first. If they administer them in a bathroom where you have lockers just keep some fake pee in there and a hand warmer. IMO start lookin for other ways to medicate 30yrs is a long career to fuck up. Or just get the whizzinator. But I doubt medicating is worth walking around with 2 dicks everyday esp if ur crawling and shit.

 

[forgetfulpenguin]

The biggest problem I see is the indefinite part of it. Proper lab analysis is getting harder to beat by the day and even the on the spot tests are getting more advanced. You may find a solution that works against the particular testing method used by your employer but that solution will likely be rendered obsolete well within a lifetime. For example they have a prototype for a fingerprint scanner that tests sweat for drugs. Seeing as biometrics is becoming a buzz word just getting into your office may require a drug test.

http://www.ubergizmo.com/2011/11/intelligent-fingerprinting-fingerprint-drug-testing-device/
http://www.intelligentfingerprinting.com/news/IFP_press_release_nov_2011.doc

From the press release

The potential uses for the device are wide ranging and cover testing individuals in the workplace -* especially in safety critical industries where there is a need to judge whether someone is ‘fit for duty’ - through to screening drivers at the roadside for drug-driving impairment.

 

[canuckgrow]

I love my job in the private sector, but have decided to take up a government job. If everything works out, I will have this job or one like it for the rest of my life and will have to deal with random drug testing. If I come up dirty once in the next 30 years, it will destroy my career.

The easy answer is to stop smoking, but weed is VERY medicinal for me so I need to come up with a solution. I will drink some Detoxify to pass the piss test when I take my physical, but will need to have synthetic piss on me at all times when I am on the job. My work will include crawling, climbing and periods of hard physical labor. It would be easy to tape a bottle to my leg, but tape will fail during the summer when I am working hard and sweat all day.
These drug tests will be the kind where they stand in the open door, so a product like the "Whizzinator" sounds like the best option. The problem is that refills run $15 each and I don't know how long they last once mixed up. If I had to pay $15 each day plus buy 9v batteries every few days it will be several hundred dollars a month.

My requirements:
1. Has to be mixed/ready to go, heated and on my person 100% of my working time.
2. Hot temps plus hard labor equals sweat so I need a way of keeping it from falling off me while I am working. I will also be lifting, carrying, etc so it will get bumped around and must not fall off.

I would love to hear some ideas. Plus rep for good ones.

Quit your job and make it your career to stop the corporate invasion of privacy for shareholder profits. This shit just pisses me off......If we all stand together there in not a fuckin thing they can do about it.....They need us way more than we need them.

Rise up

 

[Dislexicmidget2021]

yup just quit smoking weed,sorry to say it.Unless u get away from that corporate prison that is.

 

[dbkick]

Quit your job and make it your career to stop the corporate invasion of privacy for shareholder profits. This shit just pisses me off......If we all stand together there in not a fuckin thing they can do about it.....They need us way more than we need them.

Rise up

Stand together where? in the soup line? Some people HAVE to work.

 

[2fast92]

If it's the government testing you, I don't think it's going to be that easy to beat that test. They're much more thourough than anyone in the private sector. Hell, the CIA and the FBI and even some police depts test you AND polygraph you asking if you've used drugs.