How to survive prison?

[pandabear]

Same here,i couldnt be paid a million dollars to grow even a tomatoe in my home now or to keep more than an 1/8th in my house,even then i keep it locked in my safe.

My wife bought a silly ass areo garden that she keeps pestering me about,she wants me to bring her home a few clones so she can set that thing up,i can see it now,3rd felony conviction over a stupid areo garden,that thing will see no use.

oh shit would that be eligable for the 3rd strike rule? goddam I dont blame you for hiding that 1/8 like that.

i fucked around the nether regions of Atlanta for a few years but I never got into fights and stabbing muggings and shit. Had a few things stolen, i think 4 ozs of shwag once. even knew who did it but I was not fittin to mess with that nigga. they called him bigman and it wasnt cuz he was tiny. one time that nigga came over my house with his shoes all bloody from kickin his cousins ass. I was like if thats the way he treat family then fuck that!! this guy was sellin crack to his mom.

funny thing was me and my boy would sell erb outa our appartment to the whole appartment complex, we would leave the erb and money just lieing around tryin to act like we were so badass no one would dare take shit from us, but obviously after many months someone dared to so we just chalked it up as a business expense and kept slangin cuz it was our own dumbass fault and our main focus was $$$

those were the good ol days i would be up all night and my boy would be up all day, we had that shit going 24/7 and cops never even looked at us wrong,

I had this female cop once let me go even after this big asshole cop cuffed me and told me I was going to jail all screemin in my face and shit cuz he found a 1/4 bag on me. what a fuckin ass hole, he put me in this bitches cop car, i talk to her for like 2 seconds and she goes off and tells that silly nigga that she was gonna just take me back home

I wanted to laugh in that other cops face, but I didnt.

I tell you tho i been let off so many times its not even funny, pulled over 3 times pissed silly drunk and they let me go every time. on time the cop was like well your drunk so i cant let you drive home. he took my car to the impound and drove me and my gurl to wafflehouse we had a deliciaous 4 am breakfast by the way.

maybe Ill start a thread about how to correspond with cops.

ok ill just put it here:

1) When getting pulled over it speaks volumes to the officer if you show concern for thier safty & they will let you off in return cuz it almost never happens to them,:

Example: Got pulled over speeding on a road without a break down lane, i had to stop in the middle of the street. so I stopped in the street but then slowly pulled my car halfway onto the sidewalk so when the cop came to my window he was shielded from oncomming traffic by his car. He let me go with no worries. and told me he appriciated my concern for his well being saying im a "good guy" I was in the car with no shirt on tryin to look like 2 pac at the time so I didnt look like one of the good guys

2) Ofcoarse u are gonna lie to the cop, but dont be stupid and tell him u only had 1 or 2 beers. these guys get lied to everyday, and if there hear somone tell the truth, half thier arresting urge is removed. you need to say somthing that makes it sound like the truth so you say " I did drank a lot sir I hope im not over the limit had about five beers in the past maybe 2 hours. this way u are vague but at the same time sound believable. i mean u even admit "I hope im not over the limit", "lets figure this out together officor "Usually they will only give you the road test. If your a professional drinker you should be able to pass that no problem.

3) always turn off the engine and keep both hands on the wheel no matter what.

all these little things show the officor that you are not a threat / and are concerned for thier trust and well being


Once i was driving like a nut across the state, speeding switching lanes actin a fool cuttin off cars. well I get pulled and this cops comes up red faced screemin at me at the top of his lungs even spittin like. "what the fuck do you think your doing, you peice of shit yada yada, he kept screamin in my ear why were you doing it like he looked like he was ready to start cuffin, so my response

"im and idiot sir"

Cop: what the hell are you fuckin doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"im an idiot sir"

so he keep askin the same question over and over and over again and I reply about litterally 7-8 times

"im an idiot sir"
"im an idiot sir"
"im an idiot sir"
"im an idiot sir"

finally after the strange exchange we all chill out, he told me later he was gonna take me to jail for reckless endangerment of somthin to that effect. but he let me go finally still got a ticket tho.

oh well I never ride dirty anymore, i keep my ass at home

thanks for the tips guys hope i never gotta usem

 

[Corso312]

nahhh cook county aint that bad ...dont get me wrong some crazy shit goes down there i been in cook county more than a few times....same people in state prison but cook county max security is pretty much on lockdown all the time....across the street at min and med security at cook county are pretty chill usually

 

[panhead]

oh shit would that be eligable for the 3rd strike rule? goddam I dont blame you for hiding that 1/8 like that.

You guessed it,where im from you get a letter infront of your prison number,every time you go back the numbers advance starting with A.

Ive met guys who have like an E or an F prefix who never do any long sentances,if your broke & didnt kill anybody they just pump you through fast,but if youu have a good job,own land,cars & have bank accounts then they will use the 3rd strike bullshit on you,that way they get everything you own one way opr the other,if its not a crime that falls under the seizure & forfiture laws where then can automatically take everything they'll make sure the fines are so large you'll have to sell it all off to pay them.

Grow a see of green in my state & you can be fined $10,000,000 & get 15 years.

 

[mastakoosh]

10 mil-holy shit!!

 

[lucky182]

You guessed it,where im from you get a letter infront of your prison number,every time you go back the numbers advance starting with A.

Ive met guys who have like an E or an F prefix who never do any long sentances,if your broke & didnt kill anybody they just pump you through fast,but if youu have a good job,own land,cars & have bank accounts then they will use the 3rd strike bullshit on you,that way they get everything you own one way opr the other,if its not a crime that falls under the seizure & forfiture laws where then can automatically take everything they'll make sure the fines are so large you'll have to sell it all off to pay them.

Grow a see of green in my state & you can be fined $10,000,000 & get 15 years.

Whaddya in Nevada?! talk about gamblin'!

L

 

[40acres]

Number 8
Booty bandits are a time honored prison tradition. Men who feel the need to rape other men. I actually witnessed a guy about my age getting taken in the shower. Your stomach will just drop out after seeing something like that.
A few rules to follow to help stay clear of ass rapists. Follow all my previous rules. Do not think the biggest guy in your cellhouse wants to be friends with you and take care of you because you really are a nice guy and he can "see that in you". You will get raped
Once again, do not eat some sweets that a random nightmare offers you. You will get raped.
If you are challenged, make yourself fight. I know i am talking to a bunch of potheads, which is good, but if you don't fight, you will get assraped. And i don't mean pick fights or be billy badass, but if someone tests you, and even if you get beat up, fight.
Ass rapists are like other predators, they will get you any way they can. So if you have been marked to be someones human cocksheath,find a weapon and use it. I don't like violence, but it's better than being violated in the rectum.

I don't know if it's appropriate to tell anyone how to make weapons, so if noone tells me no by tomorrow, i will do: weapons of death from newspaper and toothpaste

 

[40acres]

this is where i was at. Sorry for the small pics.

 

[Token]

I got two Brothers in club fed, and so far in this thread only 3 people sound like they know what there talking bout, I've never been to prison but was locked up for two years when i was younger and went to afew state hospitials and other places too, and the first night at one place I got tested (jumped) but i held my head high and never let anyone think there where better then me, you have to have respect for yourself and respect for others (but don't be there bitch) and be a suck up, just be honest.

One of my brothers is called a peaker wood

 

[lucky182]

remind me to run to canada if i ever fuck up real bad....

I think peeps have been doin' that for years? no?

L

 

[40acres]

I got two Brothers in club fed, and so far in this thread only 3 people sound like they know what there talking bout, I've never been to prison but was locked up for two years when i was younger and went to afew state hospitials and other places too, and the first night at one place I got tested (jumped) but i held my head high and never let anyone think there where better then me, you have to have respect for yourself and respect for others (but don't be there bitch) and be a suck up, just be honest.

One of my brothers is called a peaker wood

I hope i am one of those people

 

[40acres]

Number 9
Sometimes in prison you will need a weapon to survive. I myself had to carry one more than once. There are many ways to either get or make a weapon in prison. The simplest way is to bribe someone in the machine shop or on a construction detail. They can get you pipe and sharp pieces of steel.This is good for those that can find someone to help them
In the absence of friendlies, one must be able to macgyver instruments of death. The padlock in the sock or stocking cap is effecient.As just about anything heavy that you can put into a hat or sock or towel will work fine. This means soap, cans of pop, rocks,and marble dominoes will all work.
Sometime the bedsprings are old and can be taken off and fashioned into a knife. Toothbruskes can be sharpened. Pencils, pencils in rolls, a broken porcelain toilet, or anything else sharp will do
One guy taught me how to make a shiv out of newspaper and toothpaste. Just keep rolling the newspaper tight and to a point, while letting the toothpaste dry in between. If you have ever chipped you nail on toothpaste on your sink you know it gets hard. Newspaper also works as armor, if you wear it thick enough.
Anything that gets hot can also be fashioned into a weapon. We had hot pots, and people would fill them up with lotion or hair grease, and then attempt to hit someone with them. I saw one little asian guy splash an enormous black gangbanger in the face like that. It melted his face. Smelled like someone was getting a perm.

It gets wierd inside quick.

 

[Token]

I want to add one more thing, also figure out a way to make money in there the man with the weapons power and respect is the money man, My peckerwood brother was making purno but got caught.

 

[Token]

Number 9
Sometimes in prison you will need a weapon to survive. I myself had to carry one more than once. There are many ways to either get or make a weapon in prison. The simplest way is to bribe someone in the machine shop or on a construction detail. They can get you pipe and sharp pieces of steel.This is good for those that can find someone to help them
In the absence of friendlies, one must be able to macgyver instruments of death. The padlock in the sock or stocking cap is effecient.As just about anything heavy that you can put into a hat or sock or towel will work fine. This means soap, cans of pop, rocks,and marble dominoes will all work.
Sometime the bedsprings are old and can be taken off and fashioned into a knife. Toothbruskes can be sharpened. Pencils, pencils in rolls, a broken porcelain toilet, or anything else sharp will do
One guy taught me how to make a shiv out of newspaper and toothpaste. Just keep rolling the newspaper tight and to a point, while letting the toothpaste dry in between. If you have ever chipped you nail on toothpaste on your sink you know it gets hard. Newspaper also works as armor, if you wear it thick enough.
Anything that gets hot can also be fashioned into a weapon. We had hot pots, and people would fill them up with lotion or hair grease, and then attempt to hit someone with them. I saw one little asian guy splash an enormous black gangbanger in the face like that. It melted his face. Smelled like someone was getting a perm.

It gets wierd inside quick.

If you also have a roll of newspaper roll it up really tight either pee or wet it and it makes a pretty good billy-club.

 

[40acres]

In prison, Gumbo is the meal of the day. It is prepared with whatever ingredients you have.Tonight i will give you all the recipe for the tastiest gumbo that can be found. It will fill you up, tastes good, and best of all can be found on almost any commisary.


1.5 bags of ramen to taste per person
2 scoopps pastuerized cheese spread
Some precooked summer or lil boy sausage
This is all you really need. Heat ramen with hotpot and then add cheese and sausage. I like to put jalapenos and chili and refried beans in mine. I also like corn chips in the mix. I've seen everything that you can imagine go into a gumbo. We also liked to use those canned hams and cube them up. That was only when we could afford them however. If you are broke, then try just the ramen and a scoop of cheese. It is much better than chow line and will fill you up.


And I still eat this because i like it. And I'm super ghetto. My white bread ass wife and kids won't eat it with me.

 

[Charfizcool]

And I still eat this because i like it. And I'm super ghetto. My white bread ass wife and kids won't eat it with me.

LMAO! I'd eat it.

 

[panhead]

In prison, Gumbo is the meal of the day. It is prepared with whatever ingredients you have.Tonight i will give you all the recipe for the tastiest gumbo that can be found. It will fill you up, tastes good, and best of all can be found on almost any commisary.


1.5 bags of ramen to taste per person
2 scoopps pastuerized cheese spread
Some precooked summer or lil boy sausage
This is all you really need. Heat ramen with hotpot and then add cheese and sausage. I like to put jalapenos and chili and refried beans in mine. I also like corn chips in the mix. I've seen everything that you can imagine go into a gumbo. We also liked to use those canned hams and cube them up. That was only when we could afford them however. If you are broke, then try just the ramen and a scoop of cheese. It is much better than chow line and will fill you up.


And I still eat this because i like it. And I'm super ghetto. My white bread ass wife and kids won't eat it with me.

Boy did that bring back memories

We called that kinda food "Hook Up's",the stuff i used to make was with Tortillia chips,Cheese sauce & Dinty Moore Canned beef,i cant even look at a can of that shit without getting sick to my stomache.

My wife bought a bunch of that Canned Beef bullshit years back because it was on sale,i saw that garbage in the pantry & was like "you got to be fucking kidding me !

If i never see another can of Dinty Moore canned beef or a damn Moonpie for the rest of my life i'll be happy.

 

[pandabear]

my buddy was locked up for 4 years. when he got out this fool would still only eat ramen noodles by the hand full he so indoctrinated. took him months to start eating normal food.

 

[hashtumbler]

Here in the UK, things are simple so long as you're not a dick or a nonce, jail time is easy. Worst thing about jail is not having your liberty...

SS

 

[40acres]

Remember that everywhere you go, there will be places where you can't see what is coming and it is probably not easy to get out of. these are called blind corners. THey may not even be a corner at all. These are places that the gaurds cannot see or get to easy, or that can be blocked off to prevent help.Bathrooms are a good place. landings on stairs are another good one.
The older the building, the more blind corners that there will be. I was in a former territorial prison, so it was a dungeon where you were never safe unless your back was literally to a wall. A person must find all these spots in thier proximity, and walk through or around these spots with care if you ever feel like someone may want something from you.
Just remember, no mtter how big you are, or how many friends you have, or that you are a former cuban national gaurdsman under fidel, someone can always get at you. I've seen 400 lb men take 5 dicks dry. Physical safety is never gauranteed.

 

[ganji2]

I would fucking kill somebody...