Ladies. Please Read

[Lacy]

Hi Ladies,
I would like to pose a serious question to you about relationships. I've been with my man now for almost 18 years. We have a good relationship as we both share the same types of values etc. I understand it is good to have common interests as well as individual ones. Lately hubby has gotten into fishing. At first I was very excited that he found a hobby that he was so passionate about. He does have other interests but this one seems to dominate over everything. He doesn't like to be alone so when he is home he is constantly trying to get me involved and interested in HIS fishing passion. I've gotten involved with woodworking, landscaping, camping, canoeing and many other of 'his' interests BUT this is getting to be TOO much. Plus I'm starting to realize that he doesn't have any interest in anything I am doing except for my 'grow' but now it seems like he is trying to take that over ie: (Told me some of my plants need to be chopped down 'cause they looked ready when he doesn't know anything about growing weed or growing anything for that matter.)
He's so into his fishing that it seems he is not into me any more unless I will participate in this fishing obsession. I have my own obsessions going on right now, and 'fishing' just ain't one of them. I have tried talking to him about this but he doesn't seem to care. I've even suggested calling up one of his buddies to chat about it.
My question to you is:
How much of yourself do you put towards your man's interests without losing your own identity?
I mean, I'm not his buddy! I'm his wife.

Lacy

 

[Lacy]

opps. I wrote that on my wordpad and din't realize the type was going to be THAT big.

 

[girlyhits]

I don't want to downplay how your feeling Lacy but I had to chuckle a little bit when I read this. It took me the first couple years to realise my husband had gotten me interested in things he was interested in so there would be no nagging when he wanted to do it. He was very subtle and successful at all except sports.

Is it possible that when your husband is wanting you to be interested in hobbies - he's really saying show your interested in me? My kids (not to compare husbands to kids really) will go on and on about a game or show that I have no interest in. But since I love them I listen, when it gets too much I just tell them 'can you give me the short version' or redirect them into something else.

My husband loves to fish too - I don't but I love the outdoors. So every year we have a family camping trip that involues a good fishing hole for my baby. I'll go out on the boat with him at least once and take a good book. Is it possible to make a deal with him? No talking about fishing at home if I occasionally go with you? It's easy to keep entertained while fishing if you got a fat spiff in the tackle box - trust me.

 

[Lacy]

Yes it could very well be that girly but I sit and listen to everything he has to say. Its not like I brush him off like he is a pest or nuisance or anything. I spend a lot of time listening to how is day at work is etc
We used to go camping and have even gone for long interior canoe trips and gone fishing. I have always loved those types of trips and we just stopped going. Each and every time I ask about going for a trip or holiday, he always has an excuse why we shouldn't go and has NEVER taken time off for us to go on vacation.

Since he has gotten into fishing now he wants to go on fishing trips but I am going to be home taking care of the dogs because they are too small to go and he is going with his buddy. Then there are weekend trips with his buddy and when I ask him about it he says well we can plan a fishing trip if you REALLY want to go.

Yes perhaps he is trying to get more of my attention. He is not used ot me going online and having a place to social and it is starting to piss him off and he is the man of the house. I don't hen peck my man as he generally runs what goes on here but this fishing thing is JUST way too much. I just can't seem to talk to him.

Thanks for listening girly.

I don't want to downplay how your feeling Lacy but I had to chuckle a little bit when I read this. It took me the first couple years to realise my husband had gotten me interested in things he was interested in so there would be no nagging when he wanted to do it. He was very subtle and successful at all except sports.

Is it possible that when your husband is wanting you to be interested in hobbies - he's really saying show your interested in me? My kids (not to compare husbands to kids really) will go on and on about a game or show that I have no interest in. But since I love them I listen, when it gets too much I just tell them 'can you give me the short version' or redirect them into something else.

My husband loves to fish too - I don't but I love the outdoors. So every year we have a family camping trip that involues a good fishing hole for my baby. I'll go out on the boat with him at least once and take a good book. Is it possible to make a deal with him? No talking about fishing at home if I occasionally go with you? It's easy to keep entertained while fishing if you got a fat spiff in the tackle box - trust me.

 

[Chiceh]

Lacy this is weird cause I am going through something very similar with my hubby. Cept not fishing but his job.
I will give you the short version here, lol.
My hubby is a paramedic, and works with all kinds of people young and old. They all have the same thing in common. Hubby always wants to hang with all different poeople but I don't cause I always fell left out. I can't talk shop with them, I don't get excited over accidents and shit, lol. This is somehting huge that hubby and I don't share. There is a really big party coming up and I don't wna to go, does that make me a bitch or what?

 

[Chiceh]

I try very hard to support all his interests but so how he doesn't seem to get it, lol.

 

[Lacy]

No not at all. I have the same problem with my man BUT that is where he does understand 'cause he knows I cannot handle bunch of people. In the 15 years he has been with the company he works for, I have never once attended any party function or anything. He used to hassled about it but now doesn't.

It wouldfeel VERY strange getting together with a bunch of paramedics because they really do have their own shop talk. Plus like you said, who wants to talk about accidents and sh*t.

I don't have a very strong stomach and that just might......

I hear ya.

Lacy this is weird cause I am going through something very similar with my hubby. Cept not fishing but his job.
I will give you the short version here, lol.
My hubby is a paramedic, and works with all kinds of people young and old. They all have the same thing in common. Hubby always wants to hang with all different poeople but I don't cause I always fell left out. I can't talk shop with them, I don't get excited over accidents and shit, lol. This is somehting huge that hubby and I don't share. There is a really big party coming up and I don't wna to go, does that make me a bitch or what?

 

[Lacy]

Sometimes its difficult just trying to find that balance.
I want to be supportive BUT I don't want to lose who I am and my sense of self.

I suppose I just don't want to feel like one of his buddies.
I 'm not one of the guys, don't act like one of the guys, so don't wish to be treated like one of the guys.

If that makes any sense.

Thanks for commenting chiceh. Much appreciated.

I try very hard to support all his interests but so how he doesn't seem to get it, lol.

 

[Chiceh]

There are other things we don't share too. He laughs at me when he sees rollitup on, lol. But he is into something new online called second life? Have you heard of it? I think it is weird, so another thing we don't share, lol. He plays different types of video games than me. He likes to smoke the weed but growin is all me. Where do we find the balance?

 

[Lacy]

My guy used to laugh at me when I came online. because this is the only place I come to.I don't think he actually thought I would stay long enough to meet friends and now he seems to be jealous. He seems to be constantly flipping out and when he is around, I have to follow a schedule or ASK if it is ok to go online like I am a child or something. I know I'm chidish but this is starting to get belittling.

He enjoys his xbox and games and recently got the angler stations on the satelite. Oh joy. He didn't have a problem with me being home doing what I wanted until recently. Its just weird and I really try to talk to him about it and although we do communicate, nothing really gets resolved. I almost feel like I am in limbo right now.

There are other things we don't share too. He laughs at me when he sees rollitup on, lol. But he is into something new online called second life? Have you heard of it? I think it is weird, so another thing we don't share, lol. He plays different types of video games than me. He likes to smoke the weed but growin is all me. Where do we find the balance?

 

[Chiceh]

Just wait Lacy, spring is coming and we will be outdoors in our escapes (our gardens). Nothing but us and our plants.

My guy used to laugh at me when I came online. because this is the only place I come to.I don't think he actually thought I would stay long enough to meet friends and now he seems to be jealous. He seems to be constantly flipping out and when he is around, I have to follow a schedule or ASK if it is ok to go online like I am a child or something. I know I'm chidish but this is starting to get belittling.

He enjoys his xbox and games and recently got the angler stations on the satelite. Oh joy. He didn't have a problem with me being home doing what I wanted until recently. Its just weird and I really try to talk to him about it and although we do communicate, nothing really gets resolved. I almost feel like I am in limbo right now.

 

[Lacy]

Yeah. Thats what I am worried about
Nothing but me and my plants
Never mind

Just wait Lacy, spring is coming and we will be outdoors in our escapes (our gardens). Nothing but us and our plants.

 

[mokety]

well i guess you guys could have a Talk cause it's about time to let he know what r your feelings cause i run to those situation some times but i guess lucky for me he listen to what i have to say and when i finished telling him how i feel and my point of view i just ask him so does it sound fair to him or not.... and i guess he see what is off balance going on...Good luck ladies!!!!

 

[Lacy]

Thanks mokety. Thats really cool to get other people viewpoints.

well i guess you guys could have a Talk cause it's about time to let he know what r your feelings cause i run to those situation some times but i guess lucky for me he listen to what i have to say and when i finished telling him how i feel and my point of view i just ask him so does it sound fair to him or not.... and i guess he see what is off balance going on...Good luck ladies!!!!

 

[mokety]

so how you guys doing lacy...i hope you guys doing better now...

 

[Lacy]

Yeah we talked on the weekend and now he's back at work so everything is cool.
Thanks mokey. I am SO glad there are other woman here.
Men just don't get it for some reason.

so how you guys doing lacy...i hope you guys doing better now...

 

[Lacy]

So I have decided to purchase myself a fishing rod to be a good sportswoman BUT I am getting a cutesy little pink one and am learning about all the different lures.

Here we have some of them. I have to admit that they are funny looking.

There is a hoola hopper froggy
Base magic
Jigger bug

and haha a get this, weedless frog' poor bugger gets no weed.

 

[bongspit]

remember lacy...you have to think like a fish...you have to be the fish....

 

[Lacy]

And remember Mr. Bong....if you want to be a lady, you have to think like a lady

Now if want to come into our ladies section I might suggest wearing a wig, bra and high heels next time

At least if you are gonna be here, we might as well get some use out of you as entertainment.

remember lacy...you have to think like a fish...you have to be the fish....

 

[bongspit]

And remember Mr. Bong....if you want to be a lady, you have to think like a lady

Now if want to come into our ladies section I might suggest wearing a wig, bra and high heels next time

At least if you are gonna be here, we might as well get some use out of you as entertainment.

I'm serious...I think I'm a lesbian....no seriously