I think i may be a Bad Person

[Urca]

Because I compare myself to other people all the time, mainly other girls, and I always have bad thoughts about them in the back of my head.
I think "wow she's ugly as fuck and just as fat as me, yet she's with a man and happy"
or I see ugly girls Ive gone to school with, and I tell myself "well, at least I have the prettier face" as they walk away with their s.o, happy.
This isnt normal or right to do, because I do it to punish myself for the way I look, like "she's worse than you, but obviously better, anyone is better than you."
I dont know what to do, how to stop thinking like this.
Starting to really make me feel guilty. I never voice these opinions to anyone or treat anyone bad based off of how they look, but its eating me up inside, that Im a bad person for feeling this way

 

[ChronicObsession]

Well, I would say turn to Jesus Christ. That guy always cheers me up !

 

[Urca]

dont believe in jesus

 

[timeismoney1]

Sounds like you have a low self esteem. Find it and fix it, or it gets worse. I know first hand. Could be anxiety also

 

[Perfextionist420]

don't worry im a sociopath and i recognize it but seem to be the only one who does. I am far too good at projecting an image of what i want people to see

 

[JustCoasting]

Woman are naturally competitive in the way you just described. Just note that you are being naturally feminine and then be a good person.

 

[cannabineer]

So long as you realize that the judgmental streak is all in your head and not based on what is real, you'll be OK. That way you'll always consider the act of judgment based on trivia (like looks) to be something to be fought. A big element of gaining maturity is to have perspective, a certain amount of equanimity, and learning to like yourself for your inalienable good qualities and NOT what others may think of you based on surface trivia. Jmo. cn

 

[bigbillyrocka]

or you dont smoke enough green.
what youre feeling is only human. We were born with disorders called envy, jealousy and in some cases hate.

 

[obijohn]

Sounds like you have a low self esteem. Find it and fix it, or it gets worse. I know first hand. Could be anxiety also

Exactly. No offense or disrespect meant, but most of your threads are looking for approval or validation. You can't worry about what others think, it's what YOU think that matters. Once you have that attitude, the way others perceive you will change. Kind of a paradox, but you need that inner confidence

 

[Urca]

its just so hard... i cant even describe to you what I feel and think when I see these girls, or even when Im alone.
I told my sister once, how I felt, and she told me that I need to quit, its fucked up and im a bad person, because in her words "you just think you look better than them, who the fuck are you to think these things about them?"
yet i compare my looks to theirs and think maybe i have the prettier face, but then I know i have the worse body. Except for the girls who are the same size as me. Then im like wtf am i doing wrong if they can be with someone and I cant?
Then i say, well, Im fat, ugly, stupid, etc, and they must be better than me.

 

[timeismoney1]

Personally if you have anixety weed kicks it in 10 fold. Its a bad bad feeling

If ya dont have anxiety you dont understand how much it can ruin you. You feel like complete shit and always worried

 

[jammin screw]

I believe in god.... I'm kinda half on the homie JC tho... Anyway... Urca all I can say is u have to slowly stop doing it... First try to say positive things in ur head even if u dnt mean em....dnt pay much attention to others n if you do jus say something good... Don't go well atleast I'm prettier, or she like this n that and this, instead jus something simple like... She's doing well or how cute nice or whatever..... Jus be koo try to be unirratant if u can be.... But seem like u do it so much it might be a habbit but jus try to do what I mentioned... Your jus gon have to do it n change alil bit if you want to stop thinkin bad n all that....

 

[Urca]

I wish I could not be so judgemental, and not judge myself so hard.
Makes me feel like the worst kind of person

 

[JustCoasting]

Ah, that's the rub Urca. You judge others harshly because you judge yourself harshly. It follows hand in hand. Everyone has flaws. You have to accept your flaws so that you can accept flaws in others. Then you can decide, with an open mind, which flaws you are willing to accept in your partner.

I think it is a question of getting to know yourself so that you can get to know others.

 

[xKuroiTaimax]

I think Neer-Neer has summed it all up perfectly. I get those bitchy thoughts in my head too; I'm jealous of all those girls who have no skills or aspirations and aren't all that pretty but they have boyfriends who kiss the ground they walk on. Women are naturally bitchy to some extent- I hope it can be a feature that keeps them trying to better themselves rather than spending the entire time maliciously slagging eachother off. You are a very conscientious person Urca. Everyone thinks bad things about others sometimes, but you acknowledging your negative points and wishing to better yourself for the sake of those around you- just that in itself -​is what makes you a Good Person.

 

[jammin screw]

Well some people do that worse to where they take action... That's crazy... Try to start on a simple positive note, also TIMEISMONEY..... I know what u mean by anxiety green.... That's y I like indies, or good hybridz, but I mean I started doing alil bit more then jus sittin down n think... Or if I do I train my thought to how can I make things better and what if I try to do this... It worked....

 

[timeismoney1]

Damn bro indicas?? REally? Nuts. When i smoke indicas i get like rushing heart beat. feels like its going to pump out of my body. i get really hot and sweaty and super paranoid. Very afraid of how ppl will judge me. sativas are a bit better. but both suck with my anxiety so i quit smoking. Im not in the right time frame and im still young.

 

[xKuroiTaimax]

No, I have severe depression/anxiety; when I'm manic and panicy, I will subdue myself with indicas. Heavy, heavy, stoney, blissful indica...

 

[Luger187]

Urca, go see a therapist. I dont mean that in a bad way. Just saying, they will help with this stuff.

don't worry im a sociopath and i recognize it but seem to be the only one who does. I am far too good at projecting an image of what i want people to see

me too! people have no idea what goes on in my head. ive always been able to fake my emotions and 'put on a show' for others. this is why therapy didnt work for me lol.

 

[jammin screw]

@TImeIS$$$..... for real??? Give a sativa n I'm the opposite... Jus goes to show bro a the variation in Person to person... KUROI I'm like that... I found some hybrids can be very uplifting.... This skywalker I had.. Whoaaaa. Calmness and dweeply chill yet still up... Try that 1... I had another one that wasn't like that tho... I think that pheno I had was great n damn good for depression/anxiety maybe even good aiding against high blood pressure... It was that chill for real... No negative thoughts at all....