Ok...so I have a family type dilemma I could use some unbiased internet views on...

[missnu]

Alright...let me start off by saying that the drug companies have sucked out my mother-in-laws mind, and she just no longer is on the same thinking plane that a person not so drug addled might be..Also because of all the Vicodin and Percocet...2 different specialists writing her doubles of a lot of common scripts...She used to be a nurse, but she lost her license for ---- You guessed it...she was "accused" of stealing meds...she swears she didn't...but seeing her medication boxes and shelves I am not able to renounce the claim...
So anyway, she wrecks a lot of cars...just because I don't know...she stops looking at the road or paying attention to anything in the car so she wrecks...and I get it, that drives up my father in laws insurance policy, and they can't afford their house because of all these hundreds of dollars a month that have to be spent on the pills she has wracked up. Anyway...My father in law needed to use my husband's truck...And my husband asked me and that was fine, but my husband added in the stipulation that his Mom was not to drive the truck...because if she wrecks it we'll just be out a truck...it is not a nice truck, or nice looking...but it runs and my family has to have 2 cars due to schedules and what not...anyway...it is our second car, but because of summer vacation we haven't really needed to use the truck at all, so we figured it is no harm in letting his Dad use it at his leisure...At least it is being driven...
When my husband got in the first fight with his mom over not driving his truck, I was like, " hey, what's the big deal honey?" And then he reminded me of all the cars she has trashed over just the few years I have been part of the family, and I realized that that stipulation wasn't him being an ass...it was him being the smart responsible man I know him to be...So I hopped on the "No mom drives the truck" bandwagon.
But suddenly it seems like his Mom is driving the truck just to bug him... I don't like it when he fights with his Mom, because she is super strange, and she will call me to insult him after he stops answering, and I just don't like it... So anyway I prefer them to get along, but I agree with him that perhaps it is time for his parents to give up the truck or add it to their own insurance and perhaps pay us a small amount for said truck...Either way, I don't think we are wrong in saying that she shouldn't be driving the truck...I feel that Dr. Phil would tell us that the truck isn't worth the relationship, but Dr. Phil doesn't have to live next door to these people...lol.

not to mention the truck is a 5 speed, and she has had 2 knee replacement surgeries one of which was not too long ago...Anyway she can't drive with one foot...and I know it is much harder to drive with 2...

So give me the straight answer... Is my husband being a bad son in not letting his Mom drive his truck, or would he be a bad husband if he gambles with our only other alternate transportation.
I know that if a family friend told Eric he could drive their vehicle but I couldn't that I would be pissed...but he has a work truck and the company says I can't drive it and I don't give a shit...so I mean rules is rules...My feelings would be hurt, but I am not doped to the gills calling and asking if I saw who stole their teeth in the mornings, crashing cars, and walking into things... But, I mean it seems totally logical to me, but is logic ill used against zany family members...

Jesus this was long...hopefully you toked as much as I toked and am able to talk as much as I talk...or read as much as I type..whatever.

 

[tehgenoc1de]

No go on the truck. She's proven she can't handle driving and you shouldn't be responsible for giving her access to another vehicle to perhaps maim someone or herself.

At some point when family keeps fucking up and can't get in control of their lives, someone needs to get real with them and put an end to it or it'll keep progressively getting worse.

 

[auldone]

I would first get the truck back. Its in your guys' name there for you will be responsible. Second, she needs to have her license revoked. She is not safe on the road and will hurt or kill someone. Its a shitty thing to say but for everyones safety you need to do that. Its only goin to get worse and then it may be to late... At the very least go get the truck and cover your collective asses. I truly wish you luck on this....

 

[GreatwhiteNorth]

You husband saying no to her driving just might save her or someone else's life seeing that she's such an "at risk" driver.
Best to you my dear.

 

[Xub420]

Nope! Truck is yours. And if u are insuring the truck, then u are taking full responsibility of whomever drives it. Put ur foot down and tell her that yall made a decision to either sell off the truck to them(liability issue if not). Or that they are going to need to find another alternative on their own. She is the fire and yall are fueling it. Take the fuel back, bcuz it may cause worsening issues down the road.(No pun intended)(Relationship and financial issues). Thats my opinion, and with no intentions of giving legal advice.

 

[TheChosen]

All of that is from the medication. I had family members in the same situation. I got called to pick one up at a gas station because they backed into a gas pump and tried to drive away with the pump attached to their tank. I was able to talk the cop out of arresting them which I regretted. They needed to go to jail and catch a dui because it wasn't until they were only 90lbs and on the verge of death that they finally got help.

If his dad can't respect the two of yours decision to not let the mother drive the car, you should tell him it either goes in his name tonight and he compensates you for the truck or you're taking it home. Don't allow a situation the two of them allowed her create affect your livelihoods.

You all should consider putting her in a rehab center and help her understand how she's destroying her own life and it is affecting those around here. You can't be "well" and use those medications on a permanent basis. She's an addict.

 

[Johnnyorganic]

Your truck, your rules.

I sure as hell would not allow someone in that condition to drive it either - based on liability alone.

End of story.

But, this is not really about the truck. Fuck the truck.

If it were not for the pills, the FIL would not need the truck in the first place.

Your MIL needs an intervention. And she needs a medically supervised rehabilitation.

Her addiction is not just affecting her any longer; and she either does not realize it, or does not care.

But be advised, it will not be easy. And if she is not willing to change, it will be impossible. Prescription drug addiction is very hard to overcome.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[missnu]

All of that is from the medication. I had family members in the same situation. I got called to pick one up at a gas station because they backed into a gas pump and tried to drive away with the pump attached to their tank. I was able to talk the cop out of arresting them which I regretted. They needed to go to jail and catch a dui because it wasn't until they were only 90lbs and on the verge of death that they finally got help.

If his dad can't respect the two of yours decision to not let the mother drive the car, you should tell him it either goes in his name tonight and he compensates you for the truck or you're taking it home. Don't allow a situation the two of them allowed her create affect your livelihoods.

You all should consider putting her in a rehab center and help her understand how she's destroying her own life and it is affecting those around here. You can't be "well" and use those medications on a permanent basis. She's an addict.

See the issue is that all the corresponding doctors I feel like would just try and cover their asses...I mean CVS red flagged her one day because 2 different Dr. called in the the same prescription for the big mega pharmacy bottle of Percocet 10s...and she is supposed to take Ritalin and Xanax together...That is called speed balling, not a prescription...I mean it is heinous...and she gets mad if anyone says anything, because she is an addict...she will never be 90lbs, the diabetes is killing her as well...I am not sure why when she is in and out of the hospital nobody does anything...I mean they give her a pill to help with this, but it causes this, so they give her another pill to help with that, but it causes this...
For one thing..you are an older woman and do not need to be prescribed anything with a generic name like amphetamine salts. But I mean she has a job, and all this, but I never see how...I just don't understand...Everyone notices that she is looney tunes talking nonsense more often than not, but nobody ever does anything about it...They just watch her keep downing the pills the Dr gave her...
I don't think she would be where she is now, if she wasn't on all the pills that she is on. But here is where we are now, and she is as drug addled as she is...His parents have another car...they have my mother in laws car...So it isn't that we don't want them to use it...we just don't want her driving our vehicle...she can drive her own all she wants...I mean she shouldn't...but that is for her insurance, the DMV, and law enforcement to decide, not me...
We wouldn't be leaving them without...we would just be not allowing her to wreck our stuff instead of her own...
My husband just talked to his Dad and we told him he could buy the truck, or stop driving the car, because there is no reason for her to be driving it...His dad says that is she wants to drive the truck he can't stop her...I don't know if that was an invitation for us to stop her, or just him letting us know that he thinks it a hopeless situation...
Because she will keep driving it just to try to prove to her son that she is the adult and can do what she wants...and then perhaps when she wrecks it the cops will look into it... It seems they just give whatever tickets and then just let her go...Perhaps she needs a more heinous wreck then she has caused so far...it's usually rear ending other people, and running into guardrails and what not... whatever kind of accident does she have to cause before someone says that perhaps she shouldn't be driving...?

 

[missnu]

Your truck, your rules.

End of story.

But, this is not really about the truck. Fuck the truck.

If it were not for the pills, the FIL would not need the truck in the first place.

Your MIL needs an intervention. And she needs a medically supervised rehabilitation.

Her addiction is not just affecting her any longer; and she either does not realize it, or does not care.

But be advised, it will not be easy. And if she is not willing to change, it will be impossible. Prescription drug addiction is very hard to overcome.

I wish you the best of luck.

It is just such a hard thing...because she doesn't see herself as the same as the guy who buys the pills on the corner and goes home and takes 2 or 3...she sees herself as the upstanding citizen just taking her meds the Drs prescribe...but deep down in there somewhere she knows that 9 Xanax bars and 6 Ativan is too much in a day...especially along with 2 percocet every few hours...when you are also taking prescription speed...I don't see how the Doctors get away with it...and then I have to wonder if she has known what she was doing all along to get on the pills? I have always felt like the evil Doctors drugged her up and then let her go..but perhaps she went to them and sought the pills...but with how freely they give them to her, they have to know something is up... Then again...if you go to one specialist for this pain, and one for that...and one counsellor on tuesdays and another place on fridays, they can't know who is prescribing what very well...Everything should be on a computer, and follow a person from Dr. to Dr.

 

[missnu]

Mow through a crowded cross walk?

 

[IAm5toned]

Nope! Truck is yours. And if u are insuring the truck, then u are taking full responsibility of whomever drives it. Put ur foot down and tell her that yall made a decision to either sell off the truck to them(liability issue if not). Or that they are going to need to find another alternative on their own. She is the fire and yall are fueling it. Take the fuel back, bcuz it may cause worsening issues down the road.(No pun intended)(Relationship and financial issues). Thats my opinion, and with no intentions of giving legal advice.

he is right... and in a civil court of law, by allowing her to continue to drive the vehicle, fully knowing she is a liability, makes you an accomplice/accessory, and you can be liable for monetary damages if she hurts someone or causes any property damage while driving the said truck....

 

[IAm5toned]

in response to your rep:

the concept is called "statutory liability", and is on the books in all 50 states. If you know better, and still let her drive, and something happens, your just as liable for damages as if you were driving the truck yourself. And, in a worse case scenario, if your insurance premiums do not cover the damages incurred, the courts can and will actively seek to liquidate any assets you have to cover the difference, like your house, or another vehicle, or anything of any significant value.

edit:
and by "liquidate" i mean, seize, and sell by auction.

 

[TheChosen]

She won't stop it on her own. Drug addicts live in their own world, she could be on the floor on the verge of death from starvation and having to choose between food to stay alive and her pill to keep her from feeling "pain". She will without a doubt take the pill. I have personally seen this. And the doctors will never help. The person this happened to was on different forms of morphine, vicodin, percs, xanax, and things I cannot even type without having to look at the label.

Don't be an enabler. If his dad says, "I can't stop her form using the truck." Then you stop her, and take the truck. I don't understand why they're using it if they have their own car, and you don't need to explain that because it's inconsequentially selfish of them. You may feel bad for taking it back at first, but I would imagine that you two will feel worse and somewhat responsible (both legally and morally) if she crashes and hurts herself or others. Let her do it in her own ride.

It is amazing what people can get away with. I don't know why the cop let me drive my family member away that day, he shouldn't have they probably would have killed someone if they got back on the road.

I would hate to sound like an episode of intervention but I lived it for the majority of my life and it took several attempts over a ten year period to get this person help. It finally ended when they were driven to the other side of the state and dropped off at a detox facility so they could be taken off the drugs without going into withdrawals and dieing. They could have left, but how would they get home. We gave them no id, no money, no credit cards, and told everyone they would call to not give them a penny. So basically they would have had to walk home if they left before the treatment was finished, not an easy task from one side of the state to the other. But they will not go on their own, you have to put them in the car. They are better now and thank all of us everyday, it's like a new person living a new life.

 

[ClaytonBigsby]

True on all of the liability. If you do not ahve an umbrella policy now, get one. The truck will be the least of your worries when she fucks up AGAIN and hands you back the keys and lawsuit that could keep you paying for the rest of your life. This is no joke. Understand that your insurance's liability ends when they have paid out the policy limits; the rest is up to you. EVERY attorney has full coverage and an umbrella policy.


As far as the mom goes, you could always watch her drive away and call 911 to report a drunk driver and give them the trucks plates. When you pick it up from impound, it will be easy to not give it back, AND you may help her on her road to recovery. You could possibly even make a small fortune by pointing out the negligence and incompetence of the medical field.

 

[halfloaf]

Call the cops the next time she gets behind the weel of any motor as you should think if she kills somone it is on yours and your husbands head you are alowing some one who is un fit to drive well drive.
If she hits and kills a child could you live with that knowing you let her get away with driving under the influince think about it if she was drunk would you let her drive?

Man if mine or the wifes mum was like that would not think twice she would be in jail.

And some one has to tell it how it is.

 

[cannabineer]

I have only read the OP, but I applaud your husband's backbone. Denying her the truck is the difficult and right thing to do imo. Junkie manipulator with decades of experience. cn

 

[polyarcturus]

this is pretty simple hes a good guy for not misusing your resources. if she fucks up the truck thats a hell of a day. on another note if she wants to drive tell her to buy a car if she cant afford it than she needs to find other ways around and not driving other people vehicles since she can not be financially responsible look at like the government, what is the main rule to driving a car? financial responsibility.

 

[charface]

Just get the truck back and caller id will take care of future phone calls. If not you can block the numbers.
Of course this will be up to how butthurt they choose to get over YOUR rules for YOUR truck.
I look at it like this, if I have to not enjoy being envolved with people including family I simply decapitate the relationship.
Took years to get to that point but I rarely have bad days due to my crazy ass peeps trying to pull me into their insanity.
I have plenty of my own thanx!

 

[Johnnyorganic]

It is just such a hard thing...because she doesn't see herself as the same as the guy who buys the pills on the corner and goes home and takes 2 or 3...she sees herself as the upstanding citizen just taking her meds the Drs prescribe...but deep down in there somewhere she knows that 9 Xanax bars and 6 Ativan is too much in a day...especially along with 2 percocet every few hours...when you are also taking prescription speed...I don't see how the Doctors get away with it...and then I have to wonder if she has known what she was doing all along to get on the pills? I have always felt like the evil Doctors drugged her up and then let her go..but perhaps she went to them and sought the pills...but with how freely they give them to her, they have to know something is up... Then again...if you go to one specialist for this pain, and one for that...and one counsellor on tuesdays and another place on fridays, they can't know who is prescribing what very well...Everything should be on a computer, and follow a person from Dr. to Dr.

Think about it like this and it's not hard at all.

She has become a danger to others. She clearly has no idea she is a menace on the roads.

You do have an option here. It won't be easy because it will start a shit storm.

Knowingly or not, her doctors may be committing malpractice. The woman has a medical background so she knows exactly what to say.

She is abusing the system and her many doctors are letting her get away with it.

Your husband should contact all of her health care providers and relay your concerns about her behavior, and the massive amount of meds she is ingesting.

If they refuse to act, it may be time to get the state licensing board involved.

After the first phone call from the state regulators, I guaran-goddamn-tee you they will act.

 

[Dislexicmidget2021]

Just keep her off the road if shes so incapable of driving a vehicle,,I mean its the responsible thing to do here.Dont let her be a risk unto others.