Ultimate Freak-the-fuck-out of Freak Outs. (Winter Woman please don't read this)

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
Last night after taking my nephew home I made some Gem Chili Soup. The air was crisp and cool so I felt a nice warm soup would be nice. I had all the ingredients and used my favorite knife for the prep work. It's a heavy blade much like a butcher's blade. It took me about an hour to prep and cook the food and then I cleaned up the kitchen, washed the dishes and placed the blade back in it's slot and went to bed.

I decided to make enchiladas from the chili soup this morning. I needed to chop some onions and grate cheese. I was having soft boiled eggs on top so I started with that and then grated the cheese. I had the chili heating on the stove. I pulled out the chopping block and grabbed the knife I used last night. When I was walking over to chopping block, holding the knife, I felt something squirming under my hand. I turned the knife over I noticed a white sac was attached to the handle of the blade. That was sitting in the palm of my hand. I took me couple of seconds before I realized what it was. A spider egg sac. And then it exploded.

Baby spiders went everywhere. Thousands of them. Crawling up and down my arm, over my chest and on my face. ON MY FACE!!!! Without thinking I threw the knife and ran. Stripping off clothes as I went. By the time I hit the bathroom door I was stark naked and screaming, OH MY GOD!!!! OHHHHH MYYY GOOOOOODDD!!!! I scrubbed myself raw. I washed and rinsed so may times that the hot water heater ran out of hot water. Picture me curled up in a ball on the shower stall floor rocking back and forth saying, "I'm in a happy place. I'm in a happy place.."

When I finally composed myself I went into my bedroom for new clothes. I checked them thoroughly for spiders. That's when I smelled something burning. I ran into the kitchen just in time to see an egg explode and cover the wall with embryo shrapnel. Fuck! I took the eggs off the burner. The smell was horrible. I grabbed the bug spray and began spraying every surface I possibly could and my clothes. I took the clothes outside and hosed them off. They're in the washer right now. I spent a good hour and a half cleaning and scrubbing the kitchen.

That's when I realized that I hadn't run across the knife I had thrown. I just scrubbed everything down and didn't remember seeing it. I started thinking about what direction it flew when I lost my shit. Toward the stove. I had to clean the stovetop because of the egg explosion and realized that there was a huge amount of chili splatter as well.

I knew where the knife was then.

I looked inside the chili pot and there it was. A small part of the handle still sticking out of the soup. With baby spiders all over it and floating in the soup.

This is how my Monday started.
 

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
Carne's Famous Spider Chili. It's ... arachnutritious. cn
I still can't figure out how a spider could produce an egg sac with fully mature spiderlings. Unless she laid them in the slot where the knife goes in the block. Which makes me sick to even think about.
 

Chiceh

Global Mod, Stoner Chic
OMFG are you ok? I would be still in the corner rocking back and forth. A similar event happened to me one time when I was mowing the lawn and going under a tree, the egg sack got stuck in my hair and then popped opened...... (I will not go into more details as you could imagine the horrific trauma I went through).
I am glad you found it then and not after they all hatched and made a new home in your home though. Who needs an extra thousand spiders really?
 

Chiceh

Global Mod, Stoner Chic
I still can't figure out how a spider could produce an egg sac with fully mature spiderlings. Unless she laid them in the slot where the knife goes in the block. Which makes me sick to even think about.
Is there a space under the block? Could have been there and the knife stuck to it.
 

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
OMFG are you ok? I would be still in the corner rocking back and forth. A similar event happened to me one time when I was mowing the lawn and going under a tree, the egg sack got stuck in my hair and then popped opened...... (I will not go into more details as you could imagine the horrific trauma I went through).
I am glad you found it then and not after they all hatched and made a new home in your home though. Who needs an extra thousand spiders really?
A good dozen or so got inside my shirt and were running around my torso. I was hopping around in the bathroom slapping myself silly. I fucking HATE spiders.
 

Chiceh

Global Mod, Stoner Chic
A good dozen or so got inside my shirt and were running around my torso. I was hopping around in the bathroom slapping myself silly. I fucking HATE spiders.
SOOO gross eh? I had them all in my hair, all over my shoulders, in my shirt.....still gives me the heebie jeebies. Why do they need to produce so many in one little sack? There must be thousands in them.
 

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
Is there a space under the block? Could have been there and the knife stuck to it.
I'm thinking maybe the mama caught a ride on me while I was out looking at the moon with my nephew. We don't have a lot of bugs in our house unless someone leaves the front door open or a window. It's adobe. There really isn't a way from them to get in. Everything is sealed that goes into the house because leaking water and adobe structures are not a happy mix.
 

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
I still can't figure out how a spider could produce an egg sac with fully mature spiderlings. Unless she laid them in the slot where the knife goes in the block. Which makes me sick to even think about.
Usually they fill the sac with eggs that hatch in their own good time. You got aholt of a ripe one.
One of those white butt spiders must have placed one right by my garage door a couple of weeks ago. I've been clearing tiny white butt spiderlings out of the house. it's a bit disconcerting when I interrupt a pacing session for no good reason, try to focus on a floater that's not acting properly floaterish ... and spot the tiny spider doing a tightrope act in the midle of the living room. Almost ran into it. cn


 

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
Usually they fill the sac with eggs that hatch in their own good time. You got aholt of a ripe one.
One of those white butt spiders must have placed one right by my garage door a couple of weeks ago. I've been clearing tiny white butt spiderlings out of the house. it's a bit disconcerting when I interrupt a pacing session for no good reason, try to focus on a floater that's not acting properly floaterish ... and spot the tiny spider doing a tightrope act in the midle of the living room. Almost ran into it. cn


Hyperbole and a half. I love that blog. :p
 

ClaytonBigsby

Well-Known Member
Fooooooooooook! I hate spiders too. When the sac popped, I would have been much more concerned with containment and would have gone crazy slapping them; on me, on the floor, on the walls, etc.
 

beardo

Well-Known Member
Carne, will you please make some chili and bring it on our hiking trip, I love chili, its the perfect food.
 

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
Carne, will you please make some chili and bring it on our hiking trip, I love chili, its the perfect food.
If by hiking trip you mean taking me against my will at gunpoint and forcing me on a death march, then sure, I'll bring the chili. When the pilot light goes out in Hell.
 
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