Concerned for a friend.

hsfkush

hsfkush

Well-Known Member
Didn't know which section to post this so I've put it in here(please move if it needs to be moved).

Hi guys, I've known a friend of mine for 15 years and I'm very concerned about his weight and eating habits. I've tried several ways of approaching him about his problem but he just takes mega offence to it every time no matter how I go about it.

I've tried reasoning with him.
I've tried telling him.
I've tried getting all scientific on him.
I've tried sorting a diet out for him.
Everything... I've even tried the tough love approach in which I've verbally abused him about his weight until he started crying. And that still didn't work. It's not just me who's tried either, his brother has tried several ways to approach it, and the majority of his friends have all said one way or another that he needs to shed some of the weight.
He's not too much over weight for his size, but just by his eating habits and how quickly he devours food is seriously unhealthy, couple that with the amount that he drinks and smokes(he chain smokes cigs).

Has anyone got any advice for me about how to help him change? I'm just sicking of watching as he kills himself and I don't want to lose a valued friend.

Thanks in advance, all idea's are welcome as long as they're sensible.
 
sunni

sunni

Administrator
Staff member
hsfkush said:
Didn't know which section to post this so I've put it in here(please move if it needs to be moved).

Hi guys, I've known a friend of mine for 15 years and I'm very concerned about his weight and eating habits. I've tried several ways of approaching him about his problem but he just takes mega offence to it every time no matter how I go about it.

I've tried reasoning with him.
I've tried telling him.
I've tried getting all scientific on him.
I've tried sorting a diet out for him.
Everything... I've even tried the tough love approach in which I've verbally abused him about his weight until he started crying. And that still didn't work. It's not just me who's tried either, his brother has tried several ways to approach it, and the majority of his friends have all said one way or another that he needs to shed some of the weight.
He's not too much over weight for his size, but just by his eating habits and how quickly he devours food is seriously unhealthy, couple that with the amount that he drinks and smokes(he chain smokes cigs).

Has anyone got any advice for me about how to help him change? I'm just sicking of watching as he kills himself and I don't want to lose a valued friend.

Thanks in advance, all idea's are welcome as long as they're sensible.
Click to expand...

wow you're fucking mean, lets just rip on someone and make them fucking feel so bad about themselves they cry.....might as well just give him the gun now cause if you keep harassing him like this and making him FEEL like shit he may commit suicide and it will be all your fault.

Heres some advice , leave him alone, when he wants to loose weight he will if you're seriously concerned , ask him to go play some basketball or go hiking or go do physical actives, yet you think its ok to just hurt someone verbally?

I can't believe that,.
 
J

jtprin

Well-Known Member
If all of that didn't do anything then I'm not sure what will. Say that you're not trying to be a dick but if he keeps it up his life will be over soon.
 
Dr. Greenhorn

Dr. Greenhorn

Well-Known Member
hsfkush said:
Didn't know which section to post this so I've put it in here(please move if it needs to be moved).

Hi guys, I've known a friend of mine for 15 years and I'm very concerned about his weight and eating habits. I've tried several ways of approaching him about his problem but he just takes mega offence to it every time no matter how I go about it.

I've tried reasoning with him.
I've tried telling him.
I've tried getting all scientific on him.
I've tried sorting a diet out for him.
Everything... I've even tried the tough love approach in which I've verbally abused him about his weight until he started crying. And that still didn't work. It's not just me who's tried either, his brother has tried several ways to approach it, and the majority of his friends have all said one way or another that he needs to shed some of the weight.
He's not too much over weight for his size, but just by his eating habits and how quickly he devours food is seriously unhealthy, couple that with the amount that he drinks and smokes(he chain smokes cigs).

Has anyone got any advice for me about how to help him change? I'm just sicking of watching as he kills himself and I don't want to lose a valued friend.

Thanks in advance, all idea's are welcome as long as they're sensible.
Click to expand...
so how overweight is this person? you make it sound as if the person is obese. what's the stats? height? weight? is he really killing himself with his eating habits?
 
hsfkush

hsfkush

Well-Known Member
sunni said:
wow you're fucking mean, lets just rip on someone and make them fucking feel so bad about themselves they cry.....might as well just give him the gun now cause if you keep harassing him like this and making him FEEL like shit he may commit suicide and it will be all your fault.

Heres some advice , leave him alone, when he wants to loose weight he will if you're seriously concerned , ask him to go play some basketball or go hiking or go do physical actives, yet you think its ok to just hurt someone verbally?

I can't believe that,.
Click to expand...
It wasn't actual verbal abuse, perhaps I need to reword it, he was denying the fact that he is "fat" so I basically put it as blunt as I could to him.

He plays Sunday league football(real football where you actually kick the round ball. I refuse to call it "soccer"), well not any more because he kept not showing up for training on a Saturday morning because he'd always be out on a Friday night getting shit faced. So now he's once of the coaches, ironic I know... But to get him away from his PC and do something physical is like trying to get blood out of a stone.

He clearly doesn't want to help himself, but we as his friends feel the need to get it into his head that he'll end up living with pipes and tubes in him if he carries on.
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
hsfkush said:
Didn't know which section to post this so I've put it in here(please move if it needs to be moved).

Hi guys, I've known a friend of mine for 15 years and I'm very concerned about his weight and eating habits. I've tried several ways of approaching him about his problem but he just takes mega offence to it every time no matter how I go about it.

I've tried reasoning with him.
I've tried telling him.
I've tried getting all scientific on him.
I've tried sorting a diet out for him.
Everything... I've even tried the tough love approach in which I've verbally abused him about his weight until he started crying. And that still didn't work. It's not just me who's tried either, his brother has tried several ways to approach it, and the majority of his friends have all said one way or another that he needs to shed some of the weight.
He's not too much over weight for his size, but just by his eating habits and how quickly he devours food is seriously unhealthy, couple that with the amount that he drinks and smokes(he chain smokes cigs).

Has anyone got any advice for me about how to help him change? I'm just sicking of watching as he kills himself and I don't want to lose a valued friend.

Thanks in advance, all idea's are welcome as long as they're sensible.
Click to expand...

My best advice to you is to change the one thing you can, which is how you view overweight.
Step one would be "put yourself in his shoes".
Imagine now a metabolism jammed into famine mode. (There's real science behind that assumption.) Imagine that when you eat, when you don't eat, you are always hungry. Not appetite hungry, but winter's-coming-gonna-die! hungry.
That is the reality behind much of today's obesity. He KNOWS it's better to be skinnier, but his body is sending him emergency signals.
Compared to denying that sort of drive day in, day out ... kicking an advanced alcohol habit is easy.
And getting physically active while your body is circling the wagons is like asking you to play with a hangover.

Apologize to your friend for having "gone all scientific" (but without science!) and above all for having tried to bully him into enough shame to change. That's a good way to induce a suicide, in the extreme case.

Finally, explore what being a friend means to you. If you are actually this guy's friend... accept. Support. Don't camouflage moralism (every bit as offensive as those who would "pray your gay away") as concern. Be HIS friend, not the friend of "whom you want him to be". My opinion. cn
 
hsfkush

hsfkush

Well-Known Member
Dr. Greenhorn said:
so how overweight is this person? you make it sound as if the person is obese. what's the stats? height? weight? is he really killing himself with his eating habits?
Click to expand...
He's 19stone and 6"1, it's not exactly his weight, more his size. His stomach is inflated like one of those African babies from the adverts, but that is down to how much beer he drinks(another thing which we're trying to get him to cut down on). But he's also started developing back problems and respiratory problems. He can't do a press up and just walking to the local shop and back which is no more than 500yards away, he's sweating and a little shy of breath.

I'll give you an idea of what he bought at the shop today.

a 6 pack of crisps(chips what ever it is in America)
a 6 pack of mince pies
an 8 pack of sausage rolls
a large pasta salad
4 litres of coke(regular)
40 cigs
6 bottles of Stella Artios(beer/larger).

This is a normal visit to the shop for him on a regular basis(5 times a week).

He also orders an insane amount of fast food a month.
 
sunni

sunni

Administrator
Staff member
[video=youtube;jwLr0-Gtxqw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwLr0-Gtxqw[/video]

i take it your english. here go sign him up for this show
 
ru4r34l

ru4r34l

Well-Known Member
hsfkush said:
He's 19stone and 6"1, it's not exactly his weight, more his size. His stomach is inflated like one of those African babies from the adverts, but that is down to how much beer he drinks(another thing which we're trying to get him to cut down on). But he's also started developing back problems and respiratory problems. He can't do a press up and just walking to the local shop and back which is no more than 500yards away, he's sweating and a little shy of breath.

I'll give you an idea of what he bought at the shop today.

a 6 pack of crisps(chips what ever it is in America)
a 6 pack of mince pies
an 8 pack of sausage rolls
a large pasta salad
4 litres of coke(regular)
40 cigs
6 bottles of Stella Artios(beer/larger).

This is a normal visit to the shop for him on a regular basis(5 times a week).

He also orders an insane amount of fast food a month.
Click to expand...
Cherish your friend as with the menu above he will not be here long. :neutral:

regards,
 
Geronimo420

Geronimo420

Well-Known Member
hsfkush said:
He's 19stone and 6"1, it's not exactly his weight, more his size. His stomach is inflated like one of those African babies from the adverts, but that is down to how much beer he drinks(another thing which we're trying to get him to cut down on). But he's also started developing back problems and respiratory problems. He can't do a press up and just walking to the local shop and back which is no more than 500yards away, he's sweating and a little shy of breath.

I'll give you an idea of what he bought at the shop today.

a 6 pack of crisps(chips what ever it is in America)
a 6 pack of mince pies
an 8 pack of sausage rolls
a large pasta salad
4 litres of coke(regular)
40 cigs
6 bottles of Stella Artios(beer/larger).

This is a normal visit to the shop for him on a regular basis(5 times a week).

He also orders an insane amount of fast food a month.
Click to expand...
I'm going to the store you made me hungry...munchies:leaf::-P
 
J

jtprin

Well-Known Member
http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmi-classification/bmi-obesity-class-2-information.php

"If you have a BMI of 35-39.99 your risk of weight-related health problems and even death, is severe". His BMI (6"1, 266) would fit that category. He is overweight.

Then again, I'm 5"8 and always around 160 and it says I'm close to being overweight. You can see my abs lol. My BMI is 24.33 and 25 is overweight. Not sure the validity of this website just based off that.
 
hsfkush

hsfkush

Well-Known Member
cannabineer said:
My best advice to you is to change the one thing you can, which is how you view overweight.
Step one would be "put yourself in his shoes".
Imagine now a metabolism jammed into famine mode. (There's real science behind that assumption.) Imagine that when you eat, when you don't eat, you are always hungry. Not appetite hungry, but winter's-coming-gonna-die! hungry.
That is the reality behind much of today's obesity. He KNOWS it's better to be skinnier, but his body is sending him emergency signals.
Compared to denying that sort of drive day in, day out ... kicking an advanced alcohol habit is easy.
And getting physically active while your body is circling the wagons is like asking you to play with a hangover.

Apologize to your friend for having "gone all scientific" (but without science!) and above all for having tried to bully him into enough shame to change. That's a good way to induce a suicide, in the extreme case.

Finally, explore what being a friend means to you. If you are actually this guy's friend... accept. Support. Don't camouflage moralism (every bit as offensive as those who would "pray your gay away") as concern. Be HIS friend, not the friend of "whom you want him to be". My opinion. cn
Click to expand...
We've tried pussy footing around him for too long mate, I get what you're saying about the bullying inducing suicide, but I did make another post just above which shows what I meant by "abuse". We even dragged(not kicking and screaming, he consented to do it) him down to the gym, all signed up and played Badminton for an hour a week, but he just stopped going because he'd rather go and drink and play Football Manager on his PC...
 
kelly4

kelly4

Well-Known Member
hsfkush said:
We've tried pussy footing around him for too long mate, I get what you're saying about the bullying inducing suicide, but I did make another post just above which shows what I meant by "abuse". We even dragged(not kicking and screaming, he consented to do it) him down to the gym, all signed up and played Badminton for an hour a week, but he just stopped going because he'd rather go and drink and play Football Manager on his PC...
Click to expand...
Tell him to move to America. He'd fit right in here. LOL!
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
hsfkush said:
We've tried pussy footing around him for too long mate, I get what you're saying about the bullying inducing suicide, but I did make another post just above which shows what I meant by "abuse". We even dragged(not kicking and screaming, he consented to do it) him down to the gym, all signed up and played Badminton for an hour a week, but he just stopped going because he'd rather go and drink and play Football Manager on his PC...
Click to expand...
I understand, but that is his choice to make imo. If someone was on top of me to change all the time, I'd question that person's friendship. If you want him as a friend, take him as he comes. If he disgusts you, if you cannot get past the thought that he's making bad decisions ... you might be better off not hanging out with him. If you are a sloven's friend, like him as the sloven he is, not as the person you believe he can be. Ultimately you and I do not know how difficult it would be for him to change, because we have only our own drives, capacities and responses as a basis for judgment. cn
 
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