I feel like I'm killing my dad..

[Padawanbater2]

TL;DR - I think my dad has emphysema, he's unwilling to get it checked, and he asks me to buy him cigarettes regularly (with his money), what can I do to help him quit, or at the very least, make him understand the impact it has on his family? I feel like I'm indirectly killing him and feel like the guilt I will feel once he's gone will be with me forever. Every pack I buy for him is just another nail in his coffin.

He's reached old age, what I would consider, looking at him, old age.. He's smoked my entire life, and 12-14 years before I was even born.. right now, he is clearly experiencing the beginning stages of emphysema, no doubt in my mind. Every time I ask him to go to the doctor to get screened and see how bad the situation is, he replies with "I know, I need to quit smoking.."... it breaks my heart. Even worse, he regularly asks me to buy (with his money as I'm out buying groceries or what not) him cigarettes, 2 packs each time. Maybe once or twice a week, having bought them himself 2 or 3 times also, so going through 3-5 packs a week, regularly. 20 cig's in a pack, 20 x's 3-5 = 60-100 to 140-160 cigarettes weekly.. He's 56 years old atm. Overweight, drinks occasionally.. I feel like he'll have a heart attack or stroke or something any day, every day..

I think he's afraid of going and actually getting diagnosed.. I'm positive he's got something, he doesn't breathe normally, and he's killing himself with each cigarette, and I feel so fucking guilty for buying them for him when he asks me, for not doing something to get him to quit.. I mean, I try, but he just doesn't listen, it seems like he just doesn't care at this point.. As if he's got nothing of any significance to live for.. as if he's given up..

Breaks my heart..

The older I get, the more I worry.. How do I get him to quit? Would it even matter at this point? He recently started trying an 'e-cig' that supposedly help with the addiction, but he's had it two weeks and it's still not gone, which tells me he'd rather smoke regular cigarettes.. those things have like 500 hits in them and 160 cigarettes have probably somewhere around 3,200 hits.. which tells me he feels it's not sufficient..

 

[Chief Walkin Eagle]

Need to give some tough love man. Gotta get your point across to him, get a little bit upset. My dad died of a heart attack at age 51 and he has smoked for 30 years. I too would look at my dad and think that he probably had ten or so years left to live, he had a much shorter time than that. I told him to get his chest pains checked out but he was so certain it was just his acid reflux. I dont know if theres a difference between guilt and regret but I sure as hell regret not showing my dad some tough love so he'd start getting healthy. It wasnt my dads weight that killed him, it was the smoking.

 

[Howard Stern]

Hey bro to be honest my dad was in an old folks home and he had two strokes and a few heart attacks. He smoked too at the time and I did also. When I went home on leave and visited him he would bumb one off me and I felt bad afterword cus the nurses told me not to. My Dad is dead now, died when I was around 27 ish 8 years ago. The man has lived his life, he is a grown ass man and the last thing he needs in what may be his last years is a bunch of grief and guilt! Let him do his thing and just enjoy the fucking time you have with him! I don't have anymore and I wish I did! Stop worrying about stupid shit and spend some good time with him! Have fun! And don't forget to tell him you love him!

 

[sworth]

I wouldn't buy his smokes anymore. Period/Full stop.
He loves you; It will make him think. That's all you can do. Talking only has so much "power" in this situation imo.
My Mother was an alcoholic, so I have some idea where you are.
Peace

 

[Padawanbater2]

Need to give some tough love man. Gotta get your point across to him, get a little bit upset. My dad died of a heart attack at age 51 and he has smoked for 30 years. I too would look at my dad and think that he probably had ten or so years left to live, he had a much shorter time than that. I told him to get his chest pains checked out but he was so certain it was just his acid reflux. I dont know if theres a difference between guilt and regret but I sure as hell regret not showing my dad some tough love so he'd start getting healthy. It wasnt my dads weight that killed him, it was the smoking.

Hey bro to be honest my dad was in an old folks home and he had two strokes and a few heart attacks. He smoked too at the time and I did also. When I went home on leave and visited him he would bumb one off me and I felt bad afterword cus the nurses told me not to. My Dad is dead now, died when I was around 27 ish 8 years ago. The man has lived his life, he is a grown ass man and the last thing he needs in what may be his last years is a bunch of grief and guilt! Let him do his thing and just enjoy the fucking time you have with him! I don't have anymore and I wish I did! Stop worrying about stupid shit and spend some good time with him! Have fun! And don't forget to tell him you love him!

It's these two conflicting viewpoints I have a really tough time dealing with inside my head the most..

 

[Carne Seca]

You need to find the easiest method to wean him off the cigarettes. Talk to a doctor and find out the least stressful way to deal with the addiction. Get all the information and sit your dad down for a heart to heart. I had an aunt that died from Emphysema. My mother died of lung cancer. These are not easy ways to die. Whether he wants to face it or not, the damage is being done. He can't escape that fact. His choice now is to decide whether he wants to die of natural causes or slowly suffocate to the death. Sorry to be so blunt but you have to realize how serious this is. At his age he needs a really good way to ease him through the hell that is withdrawals. Talk to a doctor as soon as possible. And you are in no way at fault. It's your dad's choice to smoke and he is an adult.

 

[Padawanbater2]

You need to find the easiest method to wean him off the cigarettes. Talk to a doctor and find out the least stressful way to deal with the addiction. Get all the information and sit your dad down for a heart to heart. I had an aunt the died from Emphysema. My mother died of lung cancer. These are not easy ways to die. Whether he wants to face it or not, the damage is being done. He can't escape that fact. His choice now is to decide whether he wants to die of natural causes or slowly suffocating to the death. Sorry to be so blunt but you have to realize how serious this is. At his age he needs a really good way to ease him through the hell that is withdrawals. Talk to a doctor as soon as possible. And you are in no way at fault. It's your dad's choice to smoke and he is an adult.

Thank you CS, I'm going to speak to a doctor asap. I figure if there's some authority behind it he might actually listen.. Which would explain his adamant refusal to seek a professional opinion.. I don't think he wants to quit.. that's the problem.. As I said, he's got an e-cig but it doesn't seem like he uses it.. I'm not sure why, the nicotine is what's addicting.. Plenty is provided in those.. Must be something else..

 

[Prisoner #56802]

U could try an Electronic Cigarette. He's probably in denial about tobacco being addictive. The older generations from B 4 the warning label on packs of cigarettes were told by the tobacco companies it was not addictive. They all lied. Smoking tobacco was one of the hardest things I've ever had to quit

If U keep trying to get him to quit, he might get mad. Show him some nasty pics of black lungs and show him how bad it is 4 your health in genral- not just the lungs

So, try an electronic cigarette....I gave my aunt 1 and she's using it

Get Well Soon!



Added: I gave my aunt the Clean Cig brand electronic cigarette: cleancig.....com

 

[Derple]

Tough love is the way.
Tell him you've had enough of seeing himself killing himself, stop buying him cigarettes. A walk to the shop might do him good.
Or you could try and ween him off tabacco with marijuana?
Maybe you could try getting him a vape (not sure if it still delivers nicotine).

I hope your father quits, losing a parent is a terrible thing.

 

[Padawanbater2]

The e-cigs don't seem to work for him, he's tried them...

I feel like showing him pics of black lung or lung cancer would be tantamount to showing me pics of aborted fetuses, in other words, it wouldn't really do shit to sway his opinion, especially considering he's physically addicted to tobacco, for longer than I've been alive.. that's one of the major obstacles I seem to be facing.. He's been doing it for so long, at this point, I don't think even a medical professionals opinion would really mean shit to him. If a DOCTOR told him "dude, quit or you will DIE!", he likely STILL wouldn't fuckin' quit.. He'd rationalize inside his mind somehow that a pack a day, a half a pack a day is OK.. Just so long as he's "cutting back"..

Even now, he tells me "I need to quit first" before seeing a doctor, because he knows any doctor would tell him "QUIT!!!!!". He just doesn't want to, he want's to simply keep living in his delusion that it's OK... for now. That might have been OK when he was my age, but now, it isn't. His mind needs to change, but he's at a point where he's given up on all of that, he doesn't seem to care about himself or his health, I feel like he feels like he's lived a long enough life and he wants to go out on his own terms. Although I also feel like once he's admitted to a hospital bed in which he can't escape on his own terms, he will undoubtedly regret such decisions.. I feel an obligation to tell him as much, to try to steer him away from it, even if he doesn't want to, but also a sense of liberty, in that he's an adult, why should I have any say in his own life?...

 

[Prisoner #56802]

It's just like other addictive drugs - he has 2 WANT 2 quit

U can't force him

If he is still listening 2 U, just talk 2 him man-2-man about the reality of it all......it's going to B part of the way he dies if he does not quit. It will catch up and bite him on the ASS! It will totally make death MORE unbearable

so, if he is still listening, keep trying to show him the light- the truth about tobacco and death. It will defeat him at death or he can live longer by quiting now

quiting smoking now significantly reduces risks to your health

 

[Saerimmner]

When my Dad got lung cancer (smoker for over 30 years) his doctor told him if you give up smoking you MAY have another 5-10 years left, so my dad asks him " and what about if i dont give up?" and the Dr tells him 6 maybe 12 months, he soon gave up, was`nt easy but he did it and he has had another 9 years so far, pity really as hes a right piece of shit

 

[Prisoner #56802]

^^^^ even a right piece of shit can quit smoking tobacco if he wants to actually do it 4 himself

 

[cmbajr]

U could try an Electronic Cigarette. He's probably in denial about tobacco being addictive. The older generations from B 4 the warning label on packs of cigarettes were told by the tobacco companies it was not addictive. They all lied. Smoking tobacco was one of the hardest things I've ever had to quit

If U keep trying to get him to quit, he might get mad. Show him some nasty pics of black lungs and show him how bad it is 4 your health in genral- not just the lungs

So, try an electronic cigarette....I gave my aunt 1 and she's using it

Get Well Soon!



Added: I gave my aunt the Clean Cig brand electronic cigarette: cleancig.....com

This Is a good idea. I have a electronic cigarette and it's definietly not the same but IT DOES do the job. I do occasionally smoke real cigarettes still but it's because I'm mentally addicted to them still. But if you do decide to go this rout to give him his nicotine a healthier way don't go cheap with these things trust me. You'll want to get an $80 kit that don't take cartridges but you hand fill with juice they hand make here's a link to where I got mine http://www.thevaporroom.net/

 

[Saerimmner]

Yeah its surprising how quickly a dyed in the wool smoker changes their mind when smacked in the face with their own mortality

 

[Prisoner #56802]

There comes a time when U just have to throw out the red velvet tobacco smoking jacket! LOL! It's so ugly, too!

 

[CSI Stickyicky]

Stop buying the cigarettes. Period. They do nothing positive, except give him a short term pleasure that is unsustainable, and they do so much damage in terms of health. The benefits do not outweigh harm in this case.

 

[sunni]

yeah at that long of smoking its more of the habit try an e cigarette...also 56 is old?

 

[racerboy71]

i tend to agree with prisoner, wait, did i really just type that??

anyhoo's, yah, no one is going to quit any addictive drug if they simply don't want to .. it's as easy as that... i've been to numerous rehabs to get clean for my gf of the time, for my parents, for this, for that, but deep down i didn't want to stop using..
only till i decided i had had enough of the bs did i decide it was time to get me shit together and get clean, over 11 years ago now.. but yah, if i didn't decided for myself i had had enough, i'd still be using.. it's a sad situation, but honestly nothing anyone outside of the person who is using can do until that person for themselves makes up their mind to stop..

 

[Prisoner #56802]

We all reach and hit a bottom when we use addictive drugs.....even with tobacco but many don't see it coming until it's too late.....My mother was on her death-bed wishing she never had smoked B 4.....all she wanted was to breathe again and to not feel aches and pains all the time - smoking cigarettes put her in an early grave....the worst part of it ,tho, is that her doctors didn't give a fuck about her smoking and performed surgery SO FUCKING CLOSE to her lungs that it took off an additional 2-3 yrs of her life.....that's so sad. I don't want to die in a Hospital room, darn it!

At least my mother attempted to use a nicotine patch...it tells me she wanted to stop but was unable to break the chains of addiction - RIP