How to Fart in Public without Being Noticed

[ilikecheetoes]

if my wife ever farted around me we'd get divorced nah but seriously that shit is gross and she is a lady. I used to be a big farter. now only when im by myself or one of my more childish friends is around.
I was taught there are only 7 kinds of farts.
the fizz, the fuzz, the fizz-fuzz, the poot, tatter poot, tear ass and the rattler...
I dont use public bathrooms to shit either. (germ thing from my mom) Actually I cant piss if theres anybody else in there either. (small penis thing from my dad) Unless im drunk...

 

[Total Head]

i was going to put this in the weird news thread but it seems relevant since farting etiquette came up.

[h=1]Federal employee formally reprimanded for farting at work [/h]
A federal employee was formally reprimanded earlier this month for “conduct unbecoming a federal officer."
His crime?
Farting too much at work.
The 38-year-old was handed a 5-page complaint about his "uncontrollable flatulence" that actually detailed the exact dates and times when he relased "the awful and unpleasant odor” into his Baltimore office, reports The Smoking Gun.
The man, who was repeatedly warned about his smelly emissions, reportedly provided evidence that he suffered from “some medical conditions”.
Unfortunately for him, a Social Security Administration manager said in the letter that “nothing that you have submitted has indicated that you would have uncontrollable flatulence. It is my belief that you can control this condition.”
"I informed you that the smell from your being flatulent disturbed your coworkers and disrupted the work environment", the letter stated.
According to The Smoking Gun, the man in question was contacted at his office but said “I can’t talk to you about this, I’m sorry.”

 

[Padawanbater2]

Lulz..

If it disturbers others, come on.. that's fucked up... Some people don't think odor can affect their job.. it can n does.. Odor affects my life even without work, headaches, difficulty concentrating.. even perfume (which it most likely is with me) affects performance.. Surprisingly, most people don't seem to give a shit about that.. IMO, fuck those people. What if I held a bright light near their face 24/7? I wonder if they'd care.. Or if I constantly touched them while they were working.. Or if I made them suck on lemons while working.. Why is the sense of smell so downplayed?

Exactly.. None of those other examples would provide a feasible working environment, so stfu when it comes to the sense of smell.

 

[ClaytonBigsby]

Hey, Pad, what happened at the homefront? Did you lock your sister out?

 

[Padawanbater2]

Hey, Pad, what happened at the homefront? Did you lock your sister out?

Her and her boyfriend found some place to stay, it was fuckin' torture having them both here for 3 days! I got maybe 6 hours of sleep total the whole time. One morning, his brother in law came over (7am) and woke me up "Is ______ here?" (he was in the shower), "yeah, but he's in the shower".. "well I need to talk to him".. "uhh, OK, hold on..", I tell him he's here and go back to bed. 15 MINUTES later he gets out of the shower.. "dude, your brother in law is at the door.." "oh, he is?"... I guess to serve him some legal document, I don't know.. That's why they were here, because they got kicked out of that place..

Dumbass neighbors dogs barking every single day for 2 weeks straight, I actually jumped the fence and put a piece of scrap plywood between the two fences to shut them the fuck up, still didn't help..

I can't understand why the neighbors wouldn't do something about that, if it bothers me a yard away, how the hell is it not bothering them??