Just witnessed a friend die

curious2garden

curious2garden

Well-Known Mod
Staff member
I worked trauma. I've seen some pretty ugly shit. But there are only a few that stick with me. A couple children and those who I carry on my heart because I failed them. When I had a bad day at work I could really hurt someone. I even got to bury a couple of my mistakes.

One of the worst was a 2 y/o little girl. I can't even mention it without crying. It has been more than 30 years ago and I can see her just as plain as day. I try to remember her laugh and I can't and I hate myself for that and how I failed her. I can't forget, I can't forgive myself and I will carry this until I die.

So what do you do and how do you expiate your sins? Me, I try to pay it forward in any way I possibly can. It's the ugliness of life, the shock of the moment, combined with your first real vision of the ugly and you felt to blame. So go to the pound and adopt a cat. Take it to the vet and give it a good home and lots of love and NEVER let it outside.

This does help. But you will always remember. Get down on your knees and thank god you can still feel badly about these things. That they still matter to you.
 
ebgood

ebgood

Well-Known Member
hey ive been in a somewhat similar situation. it gets better bro. just know ur buddy didnt suffer as it appeared.
 
G

Growingforpeace

Well-Known Member
curious2garden said:
I worked trauma. I've seen some pretty ugly shit. But there are only a few that stick with me. A couple children and those who I carry on my heart because I failed them. When I had a bad day at work I could really hurt someone. I even got to bury a couple of my mistakes.

One of the worst was a 2 y/o little girl. I can't even mention it without crying. It has been more than 30 years ago and I can see her just as plain as day. I try to remember her laugh and I can't and I hate myself for that and how I failed her. I can't forget, I can't forgive myself and I will carry this until I die.

So what do you do and how do you expiate your sins? Me, I try to pay it forward in any way I possibly can. It's the ugliness of life, the shock of the moment, combined with your first real vision of the ugly and you felt to blame. So go to the pound and adopt a cat. Take it to the vet and give it a good home and lots of love and NEVER let it outside.

This does help. But you will always remember. Get down on your knees and thank god you can still feel badly about these things. That they still matter to you.
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Thanks for sharing that. I think in your case at least you know you have saved lives as well, many more than the few that were lost. I wish you the best.
 
M

minnesmoker

Well-Known Member
Fenian Brotherhood said:
If you wanna Make a New Account we don't Blame you... But I Suggest a Name Like "Catkilla420"
So we Know it's you.
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Have you ever stopped, and asked yourself why exactly you seek to insult everyone you deal with, trying to hurt their "feelings?" I've noticed that's a common theme in your posts, and have never understood it. You aren't particularly good at it, I mean, they're almost always shallow digs, like this one, that don't really do much more than make people shake their head and go "poor retard, too much lead paint chips as a baby, working with hat brimming solutions."

OP expressed remorse, over the loss of a life, of a cat's life. That's something that's refreshing lately. A lot of hostile anger, hate, and for no real reason -- like your post. You seem to be struck by a serious sense of anger, and personal guilt, and are lashing out at everyone, constantly. I believe I've rep'd you, so you aren't devoid of worth, but, I don't understand your constant need to strike at others in a hurtful, hostile manner.
 
Metasynth

Metasynth

Well-Known Member
In all seriousness, you guys know that we just dodged the proverbial bullet. That cat, was in fact, carrying the zombie virus. It was just the carrier, and probably showed no obvious signs of infection. HAD it not been "extinguished", then you very likely would have become the first human infected, starting the pandemic that sweeps across the face of the earth, exterminating all humans in it's path. This should not be a pity thread, for we should ALL rejoice in the preservation of our species, hailing you as a hero and humanitarian on a scale which this planet has never seen. Bravo Sir!
 
Metasynth

Metasynth

Well-Known Member
I'm sorry bro. I love cats. I once came home at 3 in the morning, and before going to my room to go to sleep, I woke up my cat to say hello. He was sleeping soundly, but looking so cute that I couldn't resist. Well, shortly after waking him up, he went outside and a few minutes later I heard him screaming as a coyote got him. I was crushed as well, and waited till morning to search the hills, and found fresh coyote scat with my cat's black and white fur in it. I loved that cat so much, and it still brings a tear to my eye when I think about the way he went. Scared to death, and eaten alive. And I feel like it was my fault for waking him up. I miss that cat, best personality of any cat I've ever owned. Perhaps that's why I tend to deflect with humor. Sorry for your loss buddy, no one should have to see/hear/experience that.
 
RPM371

RPM371

Well-Known Member
I used to work for a paving company and we were repaving a state road than ran thru a residential area. We drove very slowly (20 mph limit) thru the residential area, but most of the people in this one horse town came out to watch us work. It was like the circus came to town.

As I left the paver headed back for the plant, an old woman was walking out to the corner in her housecoat and carrying her kitty to watch us work. Suddenly the cat leapt from the old woman's arms and made a beeline for the street and my truck. I couldn't swerve fast enough and my drivers and trailer made the ominous "thump, thump" as the old woman stood there and watched in horror. I felt horrible, but there was nothing I could do. About that time I hear "CAT KILLER!!!" over the radio from one of our trucks that saw the whole thing.

That name hung with me for years.
 
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