A fucking piss take this country is getting, the phone's just rang again.
Me: Hello?
Him: Can I speak to ****A *****K please (the missus).
Me: She's not here, can I take a msg?
Him: Well really for security purposes (?) I'd need to speak to her.
Me: I'm her partner and this is my private number so who's speaking please?
Him: Joe Bloggs from Shady Fucker Ltd finance services.
Me: Does she have business with you?
Him: Will you see her any time soon?
Me: Yes.
Him: Well I'd just rather phone back another time to speak to her myself.
Me: Well you're going to have a problem with that because you'll have to ring me on this number again so........can I ask what the call is in relation to?
Him: A road traffic accident.
Me: She hasn't had one.
Him: Well I'd need to speak to her so she can tell me that.
Me: I'm telling you, she hasn't had one, ever.
Him: But....
Me: So far in her life my partner has not been involved in a road traffic accident.
Him: OK.
Worst one was when some cunt firm rang the missus up at the casino a couple of years ago (her place of work while she was on shift) and asked to speak to her regarding my road traffic accident!
Needless to say she broke down in hysterics right there and then thinking I was in the hospital somewhere.