Monkee, you have a lot of hits on this thing. Tempted to say you're paranoid. In earlier posts you would see barely a yellow and freak out, and now you're saying
"looking at the plants... they look like they are hurting... at this point you start to think if i really wanted to start a new grow this would be so much better and everything... the plants look like shit"
You know how some pot makes you paranoid? You're too close, you need to back up. Your plants are healthy. You have a massive amount of readers on here, take a look at others who started as you did. Most of them don't finish their threads and then we wonder WTF happened? Did the plants die? Did these people give up?
You have a ton of readers, and you have some Kind that is growing Bluntly.
I know that this sort of hyper speculation is the mark of a great grower, but as you've pointed out numerous times to us my friend, you are on an early grow, and if you look back at your own journal, you have told people, it's just for fun.
It's funny, because at first you joined for fun, but now, you're semi-professional, and the stakes are higher, you're feeling the pressure.
Again, take a look at anyone who started plants in the way you did, you'll see that you have developed quite a career in a very short time. Now you feel the pressure, and you won't come in first, but my God what a great drive you have had, and educated so many people. Your friends who grow so much better, they are what you strive towards, and they and your striving is how you have taught us so much but if you want to get a feel for where you yourself are at, take a quick look at the people around you, using the same tools as you.
In a race of many, you're in the top tier, and you're sharing and teaching with others, there's nothing else to be expected of you, so let the bud build, harvest it, lie back and have a fat smoke and get ready for the next steps, nothing wrong with that.