Also, I decided this is going to be a parenting thread. Theme: Don't raise your kids like they are going to live forever, and treat them like they are going to raise your grand kids.
Most of these are just suggestions against bad parenting, I will write more and anyone else's suggestions are welcome. Not really suggesting what TO do, just what not to do.
GOLDEN RULE
If you bring men and women into your children's lives long term. Don't ask the person to be nice, make sure you see them being nice on their own...
And not just nice on the exterior. Make sure your children are being treated like people and not pets.
1. Don't try to control a human being. It is ok to guide someone, it is ok to teach someone things. But if you try to control a child, they are going to realize what is happening one day, and all you've done is create an adult that wants nothing to do with you. A great example of this is a preachers kid, or a school administrators kid. I knew a guy that was both, and he was smoking weed by 6th grade (so was my sister though). Our principals daughter was also horrible, she used to throw ice at her dad in the hall, and eventually she was doing opiates all the time.
2. Teach your kid things. The last point was about not being a control freak, the world exists and your child will see it. If you are controlling, you will act controlling, and that just makes you out to be a complete bitch/dick. But there is another extreme, you must guide and teach your child when possible. If your child asks you a question, they are asking you to teach them something. If you blow them off, you are denying them their ability to reason. Eventually they will blow themselves off, and you will have a kid that doesn't care about anything, except maybe video games.
3. If you put your kid in sports, scouts, church, etc. Listen to what they say about the teacher/coach/preacher, it's an extra curricular activity, not just a chance for you to get away from your kids. Let them switch if they don't like the person.
4. Don't send your kids away to solve your problems, places like this (look up Fin Mckinney Red River Academy) don't help anything.
(If you are a kid, watch this and read about the place. Make sure your parents know what it is if they ever want to send you there)
5. Support your kids dreams, if they fail, you can help them do whatever it is you want to force on them (every parent has something).
6. Don't be tiger mom or wolf dad (these are titles of books about Asian parenting methods)
Also, don't hate your kid for not being a doctor or lawyer. Unless it's like a family tradition. I'm not saying this is ok, I'm saying tradition is not something I am going to break with this thread.
In the case of tradition there is more of a responsibility for the child to comply. There is the case of rebellion within a family, but I don't want to spark that, unless it is the right time and place for the individual.
Tradition can be:
a pilgrimage to open your mind or so that you can learn where your ancestors lived.
Parties to bring the family together
Things like Christmas, that teach people to give
etc etc etc.
You can't just say "end all tradition because it's stupid".
there aren't just traditions that are "meant to harm". Even things like Sharia law have their purpose (ex: chopping off the hands of a thief).
I'm not saying that they are GOOD. I am saying that if someone fights it, they could be fighting a losing battle, and I don't want to be the one that suggests it to them. If there is an opportunity for the child to change their society, sure go for it. But not every opportunity is the right one, and not every kid can tell the difference.
Tradition is tradition. If you don't like it, my suggestion is to go through the motions.
I'm not Christian, but I never went and told my little brothers there's no Santa Claus. And when they asked about God or heaven, I always told them from the Christian perspective.
Everyone on Earth is looking for a better world.
The way to do that IS NOT ending tradition, the way to do it is to introduce new ideas and words into different societies.
It will be a SLOW transition to perfect society. And if kids are just dropping out of stuff like flies, we won't have any good guys in the police department, or the military, or even the Illuminati. You don't think there are at least 1 or 2 people that saw it going to shit and said "I'll just go through the motions until shit changes" and if the opportunity never arises, they can leave clues or pass on the tradition of passive heresy to their child.
Again, it has to work slowly.
I'm 21 and have 1 sibling that is 1 year younger than me, and 2 siblings that are 10 and 11 years younger than me . I raised both of them. I LITERALLY taught one of them how to walk, and was usually the only male role model they had around. As well as the only person able to help them with their school work (I was used to it after helping my 1 year younger sibling for years).
They called me dad all the time on accident (my younger one still does), and I am pretty sure I have spent more one on one time with them than anyone else they've ever met. I taught them how to play video games from the age of like 4, and have been answering their questions since they could speak.
Don't ignore your children
Don't let your older children raise your younger children more than you do
Don't tell your kids that you would rather spend money on making them go away, than helping them
Don't cheat on your spouse and introduce your kid to half of your affairs
Don't call your younger kids "pegs", just because you don't love the mane you married and plan on waiting for him to die
Don't marry someone you don't love for money, especially if they are only like 45-55, because that is not that old
Give your kids moral support, and support period.
Don't act like having a bed is a privilege, you will make your kids hate you
Don't take amphetamines that aren't prescribed to you if you don't understand them. They are not weightloss pills.
If you keep thousands of pills that aren't yours in your closet, hide them better.
When your drunk, make sure your kids aren't listening before you start talking shit behind their backs, or just don't talk shit behind their backs
Don't drink wine everyday, and when you stop, don't take pills everyday
Don't let your kids meet a new boy/girlfriend every few months, try to create some form of stability before you just bring new men/women into their lives.
Don't treat any of your pets better than any of your kids. And treat your pet like a person, not an item that follows you.
Talk to your kids, especially if you don't consider yourself to be super intelligent. You can't read minds, stop acting like you can. All your doing is making people not like you.
If your kid tells you they are not gay, they are not gay. Why the fuck would you want both of your older kids sucking dicks all the time?
Don't treat your stupider kids better. The philosophy of "They need more help, so lets give them all the help" is how to get yourself put in a home at the age of 70 (and taking amphetamines in your adult youth will help you get there faster)
Don't talk shit about your own mom, then act like her.
Don't flirt with your kids highschool friends.
Don't hate one child to help you have a better relationship with your other children. You may feel like you are getting closer and helping the family come together, but truly you are tearing it apart. Because even if you hate the other family member, and the other people talk like they do. Somewhere, they still love their father, or brother, or anyone else. So you are basically guaranteeing a shitty family.
And on top of that, try to solve things outside of court, and not by talking shit until the other party decides it's not worth fighting over.
Don't be mad at your kids for looking like the parent you divorced.
Don't hate your male children because you are feminist.
If you treat someone like shit, they can tell. Just want to let everyone know that. So when you treat someone like shit, don't pretend that you are at the same time doing them favors. If you want to do a favor for someone, you need to do it gracefully or it's not a favor. It's a chore that the person had to force you through, and listen about for the rest of their lives. And they will never want to be involved with you again if they can help it.
Give your kids realistic goals, and if you make unrealistic goals for them, you have to work towards those goals WITH the child.
Ex:
If you want your kid to get a job.
1. You need to know that it costs money to get around town, even on the bus
2. You need to know that most places ask you to apply online
3. You need to know that most places are not within walking distance of your house, even if there are 10+ stores within walking distance of your house.
4. People hire their friends first
5. Hundreds if not thousands of people are applying for each job, and kids are born without experience to write on a resume
6. You need to help your kid build credit, so that people can look at that instead of their age.
7. You can't expect the kid to do anything if you aren't willing to help them, it's your kid. It came out of you. It was born with nothing, it needs help just like you did. If you hate your parents because they didn't help you, don't be like them, duh.
8. We live in an age where every child is a trust fund child, and they are considered bums. So if you aren't going to financially support your child, there is no hope of them being considered anything but a bum. Since even people with money are considered bums now.
Don't raise your kid to be your slave, if you don't have anything for them to do.
And to add to the idea of letting your kids grow up, if you don't support their ideas and sabatoge them whenever you can, then duh they are going to fail, and you can't blame them for it.
If you want someone to give up on their dreams, prove to them that they can't do it by giving them everything they need to do it.
Get what you want, by giving them what they want. Instead of spending money, time and emotions on turmoil.
Empathy doesn't come from telling someone that power is in violence.
When you say "We don't hit, hitting hurts people" You might as well be saying "You can solve all your problems by hitting"
Like "Let's make gun laws" then only the criminals have guns. It just won't work that way.
I have 3 little brothers (and 3 other siblings). One was born when I was in first grade, and I have not seen him since 1st grade. I am not saying that this at all prepared me for raising children, but it was an experience that my dad went through, and we went through, that most parents do not even have to go through. So I had deep experience with younger family early on.
Then in 4th grade another brother was born, and 5th grade another was born. So I was 10-11 years old, and I know that I wasn't the primary caregiver for these children BUT:
I taught both of them to walk
I have had to be a translator/mediator for them between my parents
My mom is not good at school work and is over social (and my step dad used to be "on business trips" most of the time, and would be home for like a week every 2 months), so I literally had to raise them at times
And was the main one to help with education
And one of my brothers died about 4 months ago, so I have literally experienced the birth and death of a sibling that I personally felt like was a child to me.
Which most parents and siblings cannot, and hope they never can say is true.
So, I think I have at least a small amount of authority to speak about how to treat children so as not to ruin your time with them on Earth as well as not ruin THEIR time on Earth for themselves, and also to have the strongest family possible. I'm not saying I'm an expert, but I can help.
If your child is trying to talk to you about a serious problem (such as grieving for their dead sibling) don't fucking change the topic by arguing about something stupid (like air bags, which are unrelated to the death). Then not expect the person that is grieving (YOUR CHILD ) to get mad.
Offer your child doors to open, not traps to break out of.
