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The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to...

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Bob, Tom and Debbie. They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex all the time, Debbie felt...

What's blue and sings alone? - Dan Ackroyd.

Groucho: Tell us something about yourself; are you married? Contestant: Yes, I'm married and I have 13 kids. Groucho: 13 kids?! How did you do that? Contestant: I love my husband. Groucho: I love my cigar, too, but I take it out every once in a while!

Did you hear about the group called "dam"? "Mothers Against Dyslexia"What does DNA stand for? "National Dyslexics Association"

Their team was so mean that after they sacked the quaterback they went after his family. -Rodney Dangerfield Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze! "Captain, captain, what do we...

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. (W.C. Fields)

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot. I went to a fight the other night and a...

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what...

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The...

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said...

A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next...