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Why did the scarecrow win an award ? He was out standing in his field.

“I didn’t see you at camouflage drill this morning corporal” “Oh, thank you very much sir”

You and lawyer are the only survivors of an airplane crash in the jungle. You mange to find a gun in the wreckage which has 2 bullets. You hear some noises in the trees, and you see a man eating tiger, a dangerous bear, and a snake. What do you do ? Shoot the lawyer twice, just to make sure.

Two conspiracy nuts end up at the gates of heaven before God. God says to them "You may ask any question of me." The first man asks "Was the Maui fire started by a space laser to clear out residents so the rich could buy up all the land?" God says "No my child. It was a combination of poor...