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That's a joint. About the same I did before I retired. Now about a joint and some shatter and sometimes a little oil too. I try not to touch anything until the cocktail hour. When I wake and bake shit doesn't get done. I think the weed causes that. I mean I'm not sure man but... now what the...

I'd rather not be a passenger when the plane is piloted by a trainee.

Thank goodness I don't have any friends

Flight training? Seriously.

Bite your tongue girl.

Never front, never sell to someone you haven't known for at least ten years. Never deal no matter how bad things are.

Never trust a fart when you're over 50

They're great for warming up leftovers and defrosting stuff.

Ways to save money on food so you have more for your cable TV bill: Grilled cheese- easy to make and quite filling. Pasta- let me count the ways Pancakes, waffles, and French toast- Easy to make from scratch Oatmeal cookies with Cannabutter- Oops, that one slipped in there Crockpot- Chicken...

Never trust anyone under 30

Extrapolation for sure

Taking half of a 30 tends to move my blood pressure from 120 to 130 for a couple of days. Use with caution.

Col. Beverly "Ben" Skardon- hand salute

Ripley's believe it or not?

While listening to a band at my favorite watering hole I felt a dump coming on but I thought I could hold it until the end of the set. Never trust a fart when you're over 50.

Scotty, don't beam me up now I'm taking a shiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Always wear a condom when you're fucking yourself over.

I'll take your word for it. You sound like the voice of experience.

I got a canned call from the IRS left on my voicemail. It was recorded by a professional voice. <BLOCKED>

How much?