'Twas an indictment before Christmas, when in his Florida house A volcanic temper stirring, in the orange headed louse; Top secret documents stuffed in chimney with care, Knowing agents of the government would soon would be there; The children passed...
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An Indictment Before Christmas; A Holiday Poem
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'Twas an indictment before Christmas, when in his Florida house
A volcanic temper stirring, in the orange headed louse;
Top secret documents stuffed in chimney with care,
Knowing agents of the government would soon would be there;
The children passed out with My Pillows adorning their beds;
While visions of grifting danced in their heads;
And a porn star wearing nothing but a 'kerchief as a cap,
Thinking Donald had settled, all this legal crap,
When from the lobby arose such a clatter,
Trump sprang from someone’s bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw out his stash.
The faces of the agents were all aglow,
Giving a lustre of midday to the falling evidence below,
When what to his evil old eyes did appear,
But his handcuffed minions, faces filled with fear,
With the colors of the Hague with a beard so thick,
I knew in a moment he must Jack Smith.
More rapid than eagles his warrants they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Bannon! now, Meadows! now Rudy and Clark!
On, Jordan! on, Marjie! on, Junior and Eastman!
Turn on your boss! And face the wall!
Now I send you away, away with you all!"
To prison they left at the bat of an eye,
Trump backed in a corner he couldn’t easily ply;
So up to the housetop the agents they flew
With the sleigh full of Quislings, and Counsel Smith too—
And then, with an inkling, Trump heard on the roof
The Grand Jury was pounding, like a dog with a woof.
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Jack Smith came with a bound.
He was dressed all in suit, a boot on his foot,
And his clothes were not tarnished with ashes or soot;
Grand Jury Indictments flung on his back,
And he looked like he wanted Trump on the rack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! Because justice is merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
The corners of his mouth drawn up like a bow,
And his demeanor was icy, cold as snow;
The fall of a criminal now under his feet,
And the agents they encircled Trump with smiling teeth;
He looked in Trump’s face, melting like jelly
Trump shook when he laughed, his fat jiggling like jelly.
The Counsel was straight with no slump, and quite sure of himself,
Trump coughed when he saw him, knowing Jack was top-shelf;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon Smith handed Trump what he did long dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And delivered the indictments to the monstrous jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, he was cuffed without blows;
Jack sprang to his sleigh, leaving the scene quite abysmal,
And away Trump was taken, like an invasive thistle.
And I heard many exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
I can hear Jack's people now reading out the reasons why Trump should not get conditional release upon indictment, make him sweat for it!