Alternative ways to figuring out plant sex

Tired of trying to look for balls or pistils on your plant, then what other ways can you think of to determine if your plant is a female or male.
For example
If your plant constantly complains how the neighbors plant keeps getting a whole new refurbished grow room, then youve got a female
If your plant never misses a show of oprah, youve got a female

or

If your plant lives in its own dirt, youve got a male

However, if your plant wears makeup, has long blode pistils YET has those balls hanging out, youve got yourself a shemale hermie.

what other ways are there to tell?

If it has more than one pair of shoes, it's a female.

If it leaves the toilet seat up, it's a male.

if it's always staring in the mylar it's a female.

fdd2blk said:

if it's always staring in the mylar it's a female.

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haha,
if it has pajama parties with all the other plants, its a female

If it refuses to uptake Nitrogen because of the imminent weight gain, it's a female

if it wants bud implants, it's female.

wow you guys are by far the most creative group out of all the forums i visit. props.

Kant said:

if it wants bud implants, it's female.

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hehehehehe

If it finds fault with every little thing you do, it's a female.

If it worries about the health and safety of your other plants, it's a female

if it wont share any of its bud and always tells you it doesnt have any itself but you know he does, its a greedy male

If its jealous cus you pay attention to other plants, then its a female