Am I going crazy?

I'm proud of you bro.

high|hgih said:

God green, that's unfortunate.. If the girls were being like that they probably weren't worth a shit anyways.. Some chicks just get stock at the age of 16 or something. You'll be fine for the piss test, like cn said. Just don't give in

Strife, your right, I just actually changed jobs and there are plenty of girls here. I think they think I'm weird though because I was strung out pretty hard for the first month. It's difficult to wait tables having done acid 12 hours before.. I did alright though, and hopefully I can re establish my reputation lol

Ever since I stopped doing everything for awhile though this is really great,I needed it.

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Thank you my friend, every time someone says I'll be fine a wave of relief crashes over me. I just got back from MEPS around 6. Now is the excruciating wait to see if I passed the test or not. I knew not to cave but damn it was really tempting at times lol, they make it sound like it will be peaches and cream if you fess up but I knew better. Just a whole lot "no sir, no ma'am" "never sir, never ma'am". I made it through though and if I pass I am extremely excited. I got bored waiting last night for the time to pass and ran 14 miles on the treadmill with like 3 minutes break every 2.5-3 miles or so and averaged 8 mph the whole time. I was doing it to pass time but a dude next to me who I made friends with on the ride there was wearing a garbage back and a ton of layers dropping weight. He wasn't fat, he was actually freaking huge and all muscle but all that muscle put him over the limit and he had to lose water weight fast. I'm really happy though at the moment. I feel strong about passing the pee test, and already I'm feeling an increase in confidence which doesn't make it excessive or assholish I tend to have low self esteem so this is really good. I can tell others are noticing it too just that I'm carrying myself different now that I'm sworn in, getting plenty of looks of...I don't know, awe or admiration and I don't even have a uniform on, plenty of looks from the ladies too for some reason. I guess it's all how you carry yourself. First thing I did when I got home, other than take care of the dogs, was clean up my room because the mess now bothers me, did another small work-out, and set things up so when I wake up around 5 tomorrow morning I can go for a run before I grab a shower, which I plan on making daily routine now to help get into the best shape possible.

I have mixed feelings though, I really want to celebrate and smoke a little. At the same time, I don't know if I wanna push my luck lol, and I also feel like I have a type of standard I need to uphold. Which is something that they tell you and everything and you swear in and sign papers saying you'll use the best conduct yada yada, but plenty of people enjoy themselves before basic. I always just sign and nod, but this time I feel like it's important even if no one would ever know even a friend, I feel like it would be..immoral, which goes against what I know about marijuana and how it is NOT immoral. Maybe the brainwashed me ._. eh, once I get the signal I passed the pee test, I will probably smoke, I doubt I can help but celebrate such an amazing moment in my life.

I would look for a way to celebrate without smoking, since it can stay with you for so long. I understand and sympathize with the sort of reverse Stockholm syndrome of not wanting to not smoke. If I said it's OK and you're not harming the movement, would that comfort you?

Oh and congrats for doing the MEPS tests!! cn

MEPS...

The first in a long series of periods disillusionment. At least this one is optimistic. Good luck and congrats on socioeconomic upward mobility.

Fuck that, someone help denaun
He's upstairs naked with a weapon drawn
Hey von
You see me stepping on your leprechauns?
It gotta be acid 'cause the x is gone
Ya I took them all dog with some parmesan
And I think my arm is gone
It's probably numb
Young, dumb, and full of cum
And I think he 'bout to swallow his tongue
Scary ass it was a false alarm
You think I'm 'bout to die when I just got on

high|hgih said:

Thanks man I really do appreciate it.

Today was a day.. Maybe had a moment of clarity or something. I don't know.. Someone stole my acid, theres an ongoing investigation as to which roomate, which roomates girlfriend, or which friend may have stole it. But the reason why I want to find out is to thank them. I didn't end up doing LSD today, we saw cloud atlas. I took some kratom, she took some kratom, I took 8 triple c's for potentiation. And I managed to get into a fenderbender with this old couple. It was completely my fault. Just when I thought things couldnt get any worse. Fortunately I just dented their car, and my headlight wiring came loose. I apologized thoroughly and had a nice conversation with the people, whilst being fucked up. I think they knew, so they told me we'd just exchange information and not get the insurance involved. They saved me and that was my chance. So I threw the rest of the triple c's in the trash, and locked the kratom away. I really need to take a break. Its taking a huge toll.

God I hate times like this.. But I guess I'll just keep calm and carry on, everytime I go through a phase of depression it just gets worse and worse. And the good times never make up for it. Who knows what'll happen next time... God dammit dude.. :'( I need to go to bed.

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Well you have to bear in mind that everything happens for a reason, it's the individual that perceives it to be getting 'worse' or 'better'. Someone stole your acid? That's a big slap in the face by life to say stop, not entirely but for now, stop. With the 'fucked up' dreams that's pointing out all of your emotional attachments that need to be sorted out, you don't need to be emotional. For example, my dog dies, now the situation has happened now it's up to me on how I react to it. I can get upset, cry, become depressed or I can see the truth and realise that I shouldn't get upset, man applies emotional feelings where there is none. Your love for the 'lost' is still there isn't it? and that's all that matters, your love.

The car accident is symbolic. You 'could' of came out a lot worse, they 'could' of tried to use the full force of the law but, life has it's way. The accident was to show you you're 'losing' control, when really you're not, you can't do no wrong, no one can. Everyone can only do what they do. Hence why they were apologetic and understanding.

Take care and live for now, for that's 'all' you have.

It sounds like you are analyzing real life as if it is a dream. high|hgih may not be the only person with a drug problem.

Thanks cn, I ended up smoking and then going to dinner with my dad, his girlfriend, and her sister and sister's husband. Talked plenty and the food was great. Thanks for the grats on taking the test, some parts sucked but overall it was a good experience. I won't be tested again until basic which is in september so I have at least the winter. Also think I'm getting a 360 finally! Lol late to the party but at least I showed up.

Don't get a 360... even though i do love the system, the ps3 is far superior, graphics, controlls with a smaller dead-zone for higher accuracy with the joysticks and the button configuration on the controller is more comfortable than the xbox controller. If you are into 1st person shooters, the ps3 controller beats the xbox out of the park when dealing with semi-auto weapons, try both and you'll understand.

I love both systems, and the xbox does have some sweet exlusive games, just like the ps3, but i would go with the better system imo. But if all your buddies have an xbox, get one.

Yeah I'm going xbox, it's what everyone I talk to has and I REALLY want the last two halo's I couldn't get on the original xbox for so many years. PS3 is great but I actually struggle a lot with the controller because I'm so used to xbox, that bottom trigger like L2 and R2..or is it L3 and R3, either way, the way it's curved so far down throws me off like no tomorrow. The only downside for the xbox is needing xbox live but I've played so many online games with the monthly fee it's whatever. Out of the two systems I've always enjoyed xbox more, but I wish they had more games like tekkin available, those type of games are more Playstation exclusive and sometimes I really get the urge to play them. How much of a hassle do you think it will be to take the xbox ( or any consol for that matter) on a plane? Not to play even though that would be bad ass, but just to put in a suit case. It's not gonna throw off some bullshit sensors or anything is it? It's been so long since I've flown and the last time I did it was before all of this new security crap.

Nutty sKunK said:

Well you have to bear in mind that everything happens for a reason

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No. No it does not............