I didn't know one weekend could change everything
I just need to write this out because damn did I have a weekend. Hopefully all of this will help me figure out.. everything. Also, first-timers might be interested to read too, since these are my first two times.
First I want to talk about my first time tripping. A few weekends ago I decided to try it with two close friends.. we took two hits each. Turns out they were mic'd at 200-250 μg each... so that was 400-500μg my first time. One of the more scary / strange psychological experiences I've ever had. At first it was pretty cool... I was nervously excited about the whole thing. I was really liking the music, enjoying the slightly altered state of mind, how everything felt, how textures on the most plain objects and things popped out, it was like I was seeing the world in an entirely different mode of thought (which I was).
And then my friend put on some of the darkest dubstep I'd ever heard. The acid kicked in too, and I was gone. I felt myself dissolve: I forgot how to really communicate, how to draw (the main reason I wanted to try acid), how to move my legs, how to text; I simply lost feeling. It was insane. I then dissolved out of the room and started hallucinating: I saw what I perceived to be the end of the universe (which turned out to be a pile of my drunk friend's vomit; this did not help at all)... I kept on popping in and out, attempting to use "mind traps" to control my "mind loops" and "time-travel" so I didn't have to experience the end of the universe again. I wanted to tell my girlfriend so bad yet I didn't know what to say and I was depressed to think I might never see her again.
Everything was kaleidoscoping... I saw the universe as a collection of all possible decisions I could ever make, a rotating mess of different realities and choices, and they were all converging on this one point. I thought I would always be tripping; that acid was everything, creativity, that I could run away across the country and it wouldn't matter since the universe was coming to an end in a trash can. Some parts were AMAZING amongst this mess.. I heard some music like I never had before, I felt it course throughout me and run through my senses like a stampede of wild animals. The stimuli of a bunch of drunk people bothering me, trying to comfort me and my hallucinations, however, did not help at all: I kept on losing myself in and out of the trip until I accepted the end of the universe, accepted my place in it, accepted the depressing circumstances I was in as perpetual and inevitable, and accepted myself as being locked in this place forever. It was the most unsettling experience in my whole life. Needless to say 10 hours in my mind was tired and I just wanted everything to stop. I took the two hits at 7:30 and 8:30pm.. by 4am the carpet was still glowing and the hallways I was in were twisted. Bleh.
After weeks of pondering this first trip, I came to the conclusion that acid is insanity. I couldn't see it any other way based on what I had experienced.
But then I suggested when my girlfriend of 2 years came to visit me this weekend (we hadn't seen each other in 2 months; 3000 miles apart) that we candy flip because maybe with her things would be different. And I wanted to try candy flipping. She had never done anything besides drink and smoke weed (neither had I until many weekends before). She was down though, so we decided to go through with it.
We took 250 μg at 9:30pm, and 2 points of MDMA at 10:30pm. So it was my second time this past weekend taking acid, first time MDMA. We were excited as hell, and intimate as fuck because we hadn't seen each other in so long.
I'll say right now that this past weekend has changed our relationship, in the best way possible.
I can't even begin to explain how amazing this experience was, and how profound of an effect it has had on us. It started off again with a nervous excitement, except this time we were listening to mellower music instead of dubstep (m83, Cut Copy, Passion Pit, Temper Trap, Phoenix... even Lady Gaga). We were lying on my bed naked together, hooking up, being intimate, and we started feeling strange; that strange sense that your mind is slowly expanding, an entirely new feeling you really can't explain until you've tripped.
And
just like that, we were together. We were on the exact same wavelength; our vibes intertwined and formed into one; and we were understanding each other on a whole new level. I was asking her how she was feeling, and she was seeing an ocean in the plywood planks that kept the bunk above from falling. I watched her eyes twitch back and forth as she started to experience something she had never felt before.
And then we fell into each other. Literally.. we couldn't tell whose body was whose; we forgot who one another was and we were simply one. We were no longer separate entities, but something else entirely. We had tripped and fell into each other. This persisted for two hours... we were each other, and I don't really remember anything besides the feeling of being enveloped inside of the love of my life. Though I was confused as hell, it was the most comforting, serene feeling I've ever felt. And she experienced the exact same thing. Unexplainable. Perfect. The music was intense and immense during this period;
Kim and Jessie by m83 played and I felt completely encased in the music; the lyrics were perfect and I felt like everything was perfect and always would be.
We came out of this trance around 1:00am (maybe.. time wasn't making sense) and we were confused and unsettled; not used to being separate physical entities again, not used to the massive flux of information running through our brains and the stimuli that were still affecting us greatly. Yet it felt so right. We kept messing up the pronouns You, I, and Us (and did the rest of the day)... they were practically interchangeable. We were talking (most likely blabber to most people, as we were both confused about what we were experiencing), trying to figure out us, the drug, what we were doing.. and we understood each other like we never have before. I was finishing her acid thoughts, and she mine. It was surreal. We talked until we sort of stopped feeling major effects at about 9:00am.