Best Joke to Tell High?
- Thread starter MrDank007
- Start date
TokeSmoker420
Active Member
i got like yo momma jokes, and some other jokes that might be considered racist that i dont want to post, because im not racist, they just funny. ill lay down a yo momma.
Yo momma so stupid, she thought a cocktail, was the position I put her in last night
Yo momma so stupid, she thought a cocktail, was the position I put her in last night
grobofotwanky
Well-Known Member
So I looks at him right, and I says to him, I says, "Get your own monkey!"
tardis
Well-Known Member
A man walks into a bar with a backpack on. He sits at the bar and says to the bartender, "If I show you something amazing could I have a free drink?" bartender says "It better be extremely amazing cause I don't surprise easy."
The man reaches in his bag and takes out a tiny piano and places it on the bar, reaches in again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, reaches in again and pulls out a real live 12 inch tall man in a tuxedo. He places the man on the bar and the man stretches, seats himself on the bench, then starts playing beautiful piano music that fills the bar with glee.
"That is AMAZING!" says the bartender quickly getting the man a free beer. "Where did you find him?"
"Well," says the man "It all happend when i found THIS magic lamp" and he pulls a magic lamp out of his backpack.
Quickly, always wanting a magic lamp, the bartender rips the magic lamp from the mans hands. "No wait!" yelps the man
The bartender rubs the magic lamp and out pops a genie, the genie says "I'll grant you one wish!" and the bartender says "I Wish for a million bucks!"
Poof! Instantly the bar is filled with a million ducks, the ducks are on the bar, the ducks are on the stools, the ducks are in the beers, everyone is pushed against the walls by all the million ducks in the bar. Angry the bartender yells "I said BUCKS not DUCKS!"
and the man says "What, you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?!?!?!?"
The man reaches in his bag and takes out a tiny piano and places it on the bar, reaches in again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, reaches in again and pulls out a real live 12 inch tall man in a tuxedo. He places the man on the bar and the man stretches, seats himself on the bench, then starts playing beautiful piano music that fills the bar with glee.
"That is AMAZING!" says the bartender quickly getting the man a free beer. "Where did you find him?"
"Well," says the man "It all happend when i found THIS magic lamp" and he pulls a magic lamp out of his backpack.
Quickly, always wanting a magic lamp, the bartender rips the magic lamp from the mans hands. "No wait!" yelps the man
The bartender rubs the magic lamp and out pops a genie, the genie says "I'll grant you one wish!" and the bartender says "I Wish for a million bucks!"
Poof! Instantly the bar is filled with a million ducks, the ducks are on the bar, the ducks are on the stools, the ducks are in the beers, everyone is pushed against the walls by all the million ducks in the bar. Angry the bartender yells "I said BUCKS not DUCKS!"
and the man says "What, you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?!?!?!?"
tardis
Well-Known Member
Bear walks into a bar and says "Give me a beer."
Bartender says "no, we don't serve bears."
Bear gets angry, and says "You serve me a beer or i'll go eat that drunk girl at the end of the bar!"
"I don't serve bears." says the bartender coldly.
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and while looking the bartender in the eyes he devours the girl and eats her completely.
The bear walks from the skeleton left back to the bartender and says "Give me a beer!"
Bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve drug users."
The bear angrily says "Drug users! I'm not a drug user I never used a drug in my life!"
Bartender says "Oh yeah? What about that bar bitch you ate?"
(if you don't get it say that last line 3 times fast, if you still don't get it, then stop the drug use ;P)
Bartender says "no, we don't serve bears."
Bear gets angry, and says "You serve me a beer or i'll go eat that drunk girl at the end of the bar!"
"I don't serve bears." says the bartender coldly.
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and while looking the bartender in the eyes he devours the girl and eats her completely.
The bear walks from the skeleton left back to the bartender and says "Give me a beer!"
Bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve drug users."
The bear angrily says "Drug users! I'm not a drug user I never used a drug in my life!"
Bartender says "Oh yeah? What about that bar bitch you ate?"
(if you don't get it say that last line 3 times fast, if you still don't get it, then stop the drug use ;P)
MrDank007
Well-Known Member
This is one my dad and his buddy invented for a college presentation.
2 naked statues, one male and one female are in an old town in the park and have been there for generations.
One day, the fairy statue mother appears and grants them life from their stone molds for a day.
The 2 statues come to life and begin to stretch. The boy statue looks at the girl statue and says, "You know I've had many years to think about some things" and kind of nods to the adjacent bushes and asks.."are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
The girl statue coyly smiles and the 2 go behind the bushes and for about an hour there is much shaking and rustling.
The 2 statues come back out into the opening and the boy statue says, "Wow, that was great! You want to do it again?"
The girl statues smiles and says, "Sure, but this time you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on it"
2 naked statues, one male and one female are in an old town in the park and have been there for generations.
One day, the fairy statue mother appears and grants them life from their stone molds for a day.
The 2 statues come to life and begin to stretch. The boy statue looks at the girl statue and says, "You know I've had many years to think about some things" and kind of nods to the adjacent bushes and asks.."are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
The girl statue coyly smiles and the 2 go behind the bushes and for about an hour there is much shaking and rustling.
The 2 statues come back out into the opening and the boy statue says, "Wow, that was great! You want to do it again?"
The girl statues smiles and says, "Sure, but this time you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on it"
MrDank007
Well-Known Member
Hellen Keller jokes are sooooooo bad.
How do you torture Helen Keller?....leave a plunger in the toilet.
How come Hellen Keller couldn't drive? Because she was a woman.
HarryCarey
Well-Known Member
Q: How many kids with ADD does i take to change a light bulb
A: .......Lets go ride bikes
A: .......Lets go ride bikes
H2grOw
Active Member
A birch and a beech are growing side by side in the woods. In the distance, an new tree is growing. The birch said it was a son of a birch. The beech insisted that it was a son of a beech. A wood pecker flies by, and they ask him to fly over and tell them whether it was the son of a beech or birch. Off he flies and returns to them. The woodpecker declared, "It's not a birch and its not a beech. That's the best piece of ash I've ever stuck my pecker into."
loquacious
Well-Known Member
What's 18 inches, purple, and makes all the ladies scream?...
Crib death! Still one of my favorites of all time.
Crib death! Still one of my favorites of all time.
loquacious
Well-Known Member
You know what's gross? 10 dead babies in a trash can! You know what's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom eating it's way out! You know what's gross? Getting a kiss from grandma! You know what's grosser than that? She slips you the tongue!
