"important point for any initiate mage to comprehend."
"Teaching these things to someone who is lost and see's myself as having answers is difficult."
euthanatos, take a moment and think about what you said.
you are claiming to be an "initiate mage" under your own training but the reality is that you can't initiate and train yourself. you can't just read some stuff and make yourself wise.
doesn't becoming wise require accepting wisdom from others?
aren't people in this thread offering you proven wisdom from their own lives?
what are you doing with their wisdom, euthanatos?
according to your post, you have been diagnosed with both manic depression and bipolar disorder. you have been untreated for 3 years and smoking marijuana does not, under any circumstances, count. despite that, you have decided that your wisdom for treating these issues is superior to countless physicians, scientists and experienced people on this board.
the fact is, you need to confront this head on and go to a doctor before you get yourself so twisted up in your own bullshit that you do something stupid. there are new meds, there is more research and you have a real shot at living a better life IF you take control and see someone who can help. you need someone to take a look at the big picture WITH you; that's how you get wise. work with the people who are already wise.
if you can't afford to go send me a PM, there is no reason to put it off.
.