In short, bitcoin for dummies is an oxymoron.
If you're a dummy, you can't use bitcoin *safely* and anonymously.
Dealing with bitcoin requires you to read and to understand what you are reading.
At some point the apps will be friendly enough so even technologically illiterate people could use them,
but we are not there yet.
Also to correct some of the misinformation:
Bitcoin is traceable, but linking a given bitcoin address to an identity can easily be avoided.
Here are some things to get you started (google is your best friend):
You can buy bitcoins from a person in cash on LocalBitcoins, from online exchanges via bank transfer, using credit cards, Paypal, and for Amazon gift cards on Purse.io or Paxful.
You don't have to buy a whole bitcoin, you can buy 0.00000001 of a bitcoin.
You should understand what a bitcoin public address is, and what a private key is, and how to keep it secure and safe.
You should use a trusted wallet app with a thin client, like mycelium or electrum, not a cloud based service which doesn't give you control over your private keys.
For large sums of money you should know what a hardware wallet (trezor, ledger) or cold storage is.
You can spend bitcoins anywhere using bitcoin-linked debit card like Xapo, you can buy cheaply on Amazon with bitcoins using Purse.io.
Like any speculative investment, only invest money you can afford to lose.
Mining bitcoins is not feasible anymore for an individual.
Mining Ethereum and Zcash is quite profitable if the energy prices where you live are low enough.
The best recommendation I can give you, is to buy a small amount of bitcoins, let's say $150, and start playing with it, for example, buy some seeds, buy something from Amazon on Purse.io, etc.
If you mess up, you might lose it, but for low sums it's not the end of the world.
For investment purposes I recommend people to put up to 10% of their portfolio in cryptocurrencies, as it is highly speculative and fluctuating.
Maybe wait until the Bitcoin fork to invest large sums of money, but Ethereum, Ripple, Zcash, and litecoin are very good candidates.
If you have more specific questions I'm happy to answer.
I'm an early bitcoin adopter, started mining it back in 2010. Currently running a Zcash mining operation.
I also personally know a couple of leading cryptocurrency developers from the academic world.
I have no doubt that bitcoin, or other cryptocurrencies will be the basis for any financial transaction infrastructure in the future.
More than likely users will not interact with the blockchain directly, but it will be in the background.