And really, I'm not a grumpy person.
At all.
I'm more "happy-go-lucky" than most any I've met.
My wife included (she has a temper).
When I was younger, in grade school and junior high, I would never let shit slide when someone offended me or someone else who couldn't or wouldn't defend themselves, so I got into anywhere from 3 to 6 fights a day.
I learned to use words very effectively to push the issue with dudes until they lost their cool and took a swing.
I know every button to push with someone to make them go over the edge with anger and turn it into a physical confrontation, all while remaining as cool as a cucumber to their verbal onslaught as they try to push my buttons.
In high school I was to the point of knowing it was just a matter of time before I killed some stupid fucker.
I'd already came close a number of times, where I had to make the choice to finish him or let him go after I made sure he understood how close he was to ceasing to exist.
Personal honor, family honor, clan honor, and tribal honor is held in VERY high regard where I'm from, and I was damned if I was going to let people get away with pulling bullshit.
But I had to pull inward and learn to let almost every little thing, and big thing, roll off me and move forward.
I'm FAR from perfect, and never in my life have I ever felt I was even close, or will ever be close.
But if someone is being a dick to me to me, or someone else, I won't hesitate to call them on it, to their face and demand to hear their reasoning.
Most people whom I do this to know they've been caught acting like a Little Miss Pissy Pants, and have no good excuse or reason for their dick-ish behavior, and I'll pick apart every excuse, reason or accusation they spew until they have nothing to fall back on.
On the flip side, when I screw up, I realize I've been a dick as soon as the words roll off my tongue, and I'll apologize for it right after, and feel shame for being a dick.
And when I'm wrong in an argument with the wife, I admit it very quickly and apologize.
We disagree on many things, but we rarely ever get to the point of an actual argument and, when we do, we hash it out with reason.
And believe me guys: my wife is an excellent arguer. She majored in Law in college, and is currently a fraud investigator.
I rarely stand a chance unless she is actually wrong and is arguing based on assumptions or opinion.
So I end up apologizing a lot, after I admit that I was the one in the wrong.
And I've seen & done things in my life, horrible things, that really help put perspective on just how fragile and short all of our lives can be.
I had to let the anger go so I could find joy in all things in life.
Every little thing.
I just don't show it on the outside, so people think I'm cold, or joyless, or angry, when the opposite is true.
I'm as close to a Vulcan as you can get.
More Romulan, but no longer as outwardly aggressive.
Calm, cool and collected on the outside, but roiling with emotions on the inside, but held in check with reasoning and moderate intellect.
Music makes me cry.
Sometimes just the instrumentals, sometimes just the lyrics, sometimes both.
Sometimes just listening to it, other times when I sing to some favorite songs.
Some movies & documentaries make me cry.
Certain passages in books do it.
Beautiful little moments of life that I just happen to witness in a billion to one chance do it to me too.
Witnessing the Human Condition, in all it flavors does it to me.
Moments out in Nature do it to me.
But for those things I cry out of joy, not sadness.
There is always an appropriate time to feel and express sadness.
Sometimes more than there is for joy.
When I laugh it's a guffaw from the belly and my face splits wide with a huge smile.
When I'm angry, I express it without unbounded rage.
Since, for me, it does no good to express those emotions all the time, I keep them to myself.
The Book of Ecclesiastes and Pete Seeger had it so right:
To everything, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven.
I like to think I'm on my way to properly practicing that in my life.
Maybe I'm wrong?