"Got any weed?"

B

Brevity, The Soul Of Wit!

New Member
A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the dude at the counter, "Got any weed?" The man politely replied, "Um, no sir. We do not sell marijuana here." So he left.
The same guy comes back the next day and says, "Got any weed?" The man behind the counter, although slightly annoyed, patiently replied, "No sir. We don't sell marijuana." So the man went home.
He goes once again to the gas station. And again, he says to the guy working there, "Got any weed?" By this time the other dude was pissed. He yells, "You freakin' refer-lovin', pot-head burn-out! I told you, we don't sell that crap here! If you ever come back in here asking for that filthy crap again, I'll nail your freaking feet to the floor. Got it? Now beat it before I call the cops." So the stoner left. ​
The next day he went back to the same old place with a dopey smile on his face. He went to the cashier and said, "Got any nails?" The man hesitated, then replied, "um, no sir, we don't sell nails here." The stoner grinned. "Got any weed?"


I'm out! :peace:
 
The Real Peter Parker

The Real Peter Parker

Well-Known Member
Nice. I don't remember exactly how this one goes exactly but I'm gonna try, and fuck it up horribly.

So these three brothers, a pussy addict, a drunk, and a stoner die in a car wreck. Because of all of their vices, they go to hell together.

The devil approaches them as they arrive at the banks of the lake of fire. He tells them "Each of you will get whatever you want for ten years, however it will only be one thing, then you will begin your eternal torture."

The pussy addict wants a whole bunch of beautiful virgins. The devil says, "I can do that." So the pussy addict goes into a room with a whole bunch of beautiful girls who are flawless, and he begins to strip his clothes even before the devil closes and locks the door.

The devil and the drunk and the stoner continue down the hallway. The devil turns to the drunk and asks him what he wants. The drunk of course wants a room full of the finest alcohols. The devil says, "I can do that." So the drunk runs into the room as soon as the devil opens the door and begins chugging before the devil closes and locks it.

The stoner and the devil are alone in the hallway now. The devil motions for the stoner to follow him down the hallway. When they get to the next door, he asks the stoner what he wants. Of course the stoner replies he wants a room filled with the choicest buds, a whole bunch of papers, bongs, and pipes. The devil says, "I can do that." And the stoner is locked in the room.

-10 years pass-

The devil releases the pussy addict and he comes out yelling "I'm gay I'm gay I'll never fuck a chick again!" The devil laughs and sends him off to be tortured.

The devil releases the drunk and he comes out looking sicker than anyone and says "I'll never drink again! I'm so sick of that shit I hate alcohol!" The devil laughs and sends him off to be tortured.

The devil then releases the stoner, and is surprised to see him looking normal, and everything untouched. A single tear rolls down the stoner's cheek as he asks, "Do you got a light?"
 
Woomeister

Woomeister

Well-Known Member
stoner goes into bakery and asks for loaf of bread. 'Brown or white sir', 'doesnt matter im on my bike'...
 
B

Brevity, The Soul Of Wit!

New Member
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and then try his keys on five different cars before he found his. After a couple moments of trying he successfully entered his car. As he sat in the front seat he proceeded to fumble around with his keys for several minutes trying to find and then successfully put the right key in the engine. After a short while everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer had been waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. He tried again, three times. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."
 
B

Brevity, The Soul Of Wit!

New Member
A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don’t sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he’ll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
And the owner says, "I told you I don’t sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again.
He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"
The owner says, "I’m not going to tell you again, I don’t sell to potheads!!!"
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I’m a pothead?"
The owner looks back and says, "Because that’s a microwave!"
 
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