I have 11 confirmed kills. 10 of these were from a distance. I was artillery in the military, and in my tour to Afghanistan, we actually got to shoot artillery. So when I was on the sights, the FO's confirmed 10. My other was close quarters... Just looking through an a cog scope on my m4.... That's the kill that fucked with me. The other 10 I never saw, so it didn't bother me.... But the one where I watched him gasping for his last breath, and bleeding really fucked with me... I started realizing I took a life of a possible father, a son to someone, maybe a husband, maybe a brother.... And after I shot him, and he was dying instead of the IP's (Iraqi police) trying to save him, and put him in jail they just sat there laughing and waited for him to die. The first few days I was so pumped on adrenaline I loved that feeling.... And then about a week or two after I started thinking about his family and shit.... A Couple months later I started getting symptoms of PTSD... And I've never been the same person since. I've choked my wife in my sleep and don't remember any of it, I wake up to nightmares constantly, wake up balling my eyes out or scared and crying, I lost my sense of humor... If I find something funny, I still don't actually smile or laugh... I do at times, but it's usually something hilarious to everyone, and I'll just give a chuckle. Killing someone is serious shit man!! Any descent person with a conscience will never be the same after... I still have pictures of that SOB still. I've seen so many people killed though it's unreal. Friends, enemies, and innocent civilians that got hit by ricochet and shit. I remember every single one of those events like it happened 5 mins ago.... But I can't tell you where I put my cigarettes literally 5 mins ago.