How do you forgive yourself?

laserbrn said:

I admittedly haven't hit the gym in a long time. But it's not because I don't workout, I just don't care much for the gym. I go out daily and spend the time with dogs and I can stay in good shape. I definitely agree that being out of shape and lazy (particularly for stoners) can be detrimental to your mental health.

One must certainly take care of the body, but say I've raised my kids, provide for them, provide for my family and feel that I'm a good man, but I can't get past this guilt.....sounds like a lot more than a trip to the gym (though certainly helpful).

I know of plenty a happy person who doesn't go to the gym. The reason you so enjoy the gym is because it's something that YOU are proud of. That's why you walk around acting like you rule the world. Certainly if your weight or your physical appearance is bothering you it will lower your view of yourself thereby decreasing overall happiness, but it should take a person a lot more than that.

I walk around like I run shit because overall I run shit. I take care of my family and I take care of myself. I offer what I can to others and I try to live a balanced life.

I don't hate myself for the acts I've committed in the past because part of being right and staying strong has meant having a strong moral fiber and being "grounded" sorta speak. There are a number of areas that a person can find themselves weak or in need of improvement and physcial appearance is very often the last one. If you are a person who secretly kills children and eats them it won't matter how much you hit the gym, you're not going to rid yourself of the guilt.

You have to identify what it is about you that you are unhappy with. Maybe it's as simple as physical appearance or health, but it didn't sound like it from the original post.

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I understand...

The gym or taking care of yourself is just one piece of the puzzle. I personally am not necessarily proud that I hit the gym. I haven't in a while and need to go back.

I do know that I feel a little more indestructable when I've worked out for a few weeks in a row and can feel my body improving.

Let the man hit the gym...

DubsFan said:

I understand...

The gym or taking care of yourself is just one piece of the puzzle. I personally am not necessarily proud that I hit the gym. I haven't in a while and need to go back.

I do know that I feel a little more indestructable when I've worked out for a few weeks in a row and can feel my body improving.

Let the man hit the gym...

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Alright, alright, go hit the gym guy. Haha, with this rainy weather we've got I might have to tonight too. I generally do at least an hour of cardio daily. I used to weigh 285lbs and I know what it's like to be fat, lazy and feel like a pile of shit. But it was obvious to me what was wrong and I've changed it.

The gym will certainly give an opportunity daily to think of ways you can improve your life.

laserbrn said:

Alright, alright, go hit the gym guy. Haha, with this rainy weather we've got I might have to tonight too. I generally do at least an hour of cardio daily. I used to weigh 285lbs and I know what it's like to be fat, lazy and feel like a pile of shit. But it was obvious to me what was wrong and I've changed it.

The gym will certainly give an opportunity daily to think of ways you can improve your life.

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So does recycling...Every 30 days I take the cans and glass in. Very little diet coke and water but tons of beer and JD bottles.

Make it a goal to learn at least one new thing every day.

Everytime you have an opportunity to help someone, do it. Even if it is inconvenient. Something cool might happen.

These two simple steps will accomplish a lot; If you can learn on simple thing per day, you are always improving yourself, and you are accomplishing a small goal. When you see someone that needs help and you offer it, you are positively affecting the aura of another human being, you are meeting someone new, and you could use their help sometime in the future. Never know what could happen.

Always look for the brighter side of things. There is no point in dwelling in the past and certainly no use trying to still prove yourself to your father, whom, is no longer able to criticize you. Concentrate on your family, and realize that the most important aspect of our lives is our family and our ability to socially work with one another in civilized communities.

If you do volunteer work, you can feel like youve made a difference, youve done something for YOUR community, and it gives you a better sense of wholeness.

And always, good, hard, backbreaking labour gives you time to think about important things.

Toil away.

What? I wouldn't listen to this stuff. You just have to be satisfied with who you are as a person. As a basic human being, do you feel like you are a good person? My point is, you don't have to like yourself all the time. That is a load of garbage, sometimes you genuinely sense that you are not utilizing your time well. That is different than guilt though. That is more like disappointment in yourself, like you feel like you could be more fulfilled in life regardless of external circumstances. Otherwise, there would be no guilt, unless you hadn't admitted to a wrongdoing. Unless you allow others to set expectations for you in the first place.

It seems your sense of guilt is maybe your own inner self telling you to change something up to align more with who you are as a person and your values? or maybe you shouldn't let others set expectations for your life. It's your life after all. Would you let someone else tell you how to eat your burger? And then feel guilty that it is over cooked? Of course not, that's silly. You have that burger your way.

It's physiologically true that exercising will make you feel better as well as eating better. Reading with a purpose is good too. Gotta exercise the mind too.

the problem is probably because of a generation gap. alot of people from your time can relate with you

PUSH UPS!!! All U need are some PUSH UPS!!

be proud you're smoking for a noble cause. I love you man.

ChinChiaN8 said:

be proud you're smoking for a noble cause. I love you man.

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Sometimes things happen in the past man but unfortunately we cant go back and change them. You know you have one friend that is always there for you no matter what.. Mary Jane

Well, all mistakes are learning experiences.What did you learn from your mistakes? Have you harmed someone through your past actions?Did you sincerely apologize and try to make up for it? If you have,then just about anything can be forgiven.Some things, IMO,can never be made right.But these are extreme cases, like rape, or the murder of an innocent person or other living being for no real purpose.
But feeling badly about something you've done shows you have a conscience,and probably good intentions. You can only move forward,but you can look back and use the past as a compass to point you where you want to go.
Also realize that your father is not the source of your self worth,you are.When you reach adulthood,you can no longer blame your parents for your beliefs and failures. You are the master of your ship now,and your mind is your own to expand and enlighten. Your actions are your own,and as long as you harm noone else,are yours to choose.You determine how you feel about yourself now.All you can do is be the best YOU you can be. A lot of the guilt we feel is just transferred guilt from other individuals or attitudes;we feel it when we don't meet the expectations we're told we should meet. But really...how important is it to be a corporate success story,with 3 cars and a million dollar house for example?That may be one person's definition of success,but another's could be enough food on the table,a little house of your own,and shoes on our feet.What standards are you judging yourself by?

biggun said:

I have been a good man fro a long time now, but I still hear my fathers voice telling me what a piece of shit I am. "He's been dead for 15 years" I have raised a family pay my mortgage and so far accomplished good things, but I still kick myself for mistakes I have made some big some not. What the fuck do I have to do to be proud of myself?

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I finally have come back to this and now I feel like just another sniveling bitch who was having a bad day. First of all I understand the value of physical health.I am an ex athlete who played pac 10 football and graduated from college in 1984. AT that time I thought maybe I could play professional football. At 6'6" and 315lbs I was able to bench press 510lbs squat 600lbs and run the 40 in 4.9 seconds. I thought I was a gift to football until i realized that I was just some big dude with the same dream as everybody else on the field that day. The one difference between me and them was they were willing to sacrifice everything to make it happen, ie.. thier body and soul and I realized I was unable to. But now when I look back at it and think about all the "I wish, I shoulda, coulda's" It drives me nuts.. But on the other hand If I would of made those sacrifices I am sure I would be severely crippled or even dead by now, and then I would not know the joy and love I have with the wife and kids I have now.
Maybe I am just disappointed in myself for not trying harder and being brave enough to take chances when I should of. I feel like this I am sure because of the economy today and a business that is suffering and a home I am trying to save. I know I am not the only one in the world with problems but I can not help but think that if I made better decisions along the way I would not feel like this. I do not want to cause my wife and kids any grief by having to down size our life. I really need to make this happen for them, you know to make sure they have a better life then the one I had, to give them the strength to take chances and not be scared of the consequences of a failed effort. I feel the greatest contribution I can make to this world is the ones that I leave behind. Everybody will tell me that money can not buy you love and I whole heartly agree and I know the love my family has for me is unconditional but that cash sure makes things a lot easier doesn't it? I have a son who is going to a jc at the moment that I can hardly afford, a daughter who plays on a travel volleyball team that cost me, I pay for my sons car, my wife's car and my own I would be willing to give soul to make sure they keep those things that make their life better I am just scared I might fail them and myself again FUCK!!! Thanks for letting me ramble on I almost deleted all this cause it just sounds like I am sniveling again. PEACE

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Enjoy this video ... and become Franco. Pay attention to dialogue at 1:30 ... there's a kernel of real wisdom, but not about driving.

Oh I understand I need to quit looking in the rear view, but I also think history's mistakes can guide you to a better future. That being said how do you not let it bother you is the big thing. Also the clip was funny Thanks

Of course, but never dwell on the past. Keep looking forward and keep looking up. Treat others as you would wish to be treated. Good deeds beat out forgiveness any day. In the end, it's just a word in ur own head. Life is a one way street, and mistakes are made, some small, some large. Just keep doing the best you can.

Ever see that movie? It's actually pretty good.

CrackerJax said:

Of course, but never dwell on the past. Keep looking forward and keep looking up. Treat others as you would wish to be treated. Good deeds beat out forgiveness any day. In the end, it's just a word in ur own head. Life is a one way street, and mistakes are made, some small, some large. Just keep doing the best you can.

Ever see that movie? It's actually pretty good.

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I completely understand your position. I was a good athlete but nothing like you. 300lbs and a 4.9 40 is crazy fast.

I'm self employed. I got stiffed on $250k in March of 2008 and sunk $100k into my business to make payroll and what not. Then the first 6mo of 2009 I made zero income.

Things are tight. Really fucking tight. Sure people say you have your health. I'm 33...of course I have my health. Right now money is the primary problem around me. That's it. Those that say money doesn't matter...try living without it and tell me if it doesn't matter.

You have to have money to survive. It's that simple. Not being able to pay the bills can have a massive effect on your mental state. Who loves to not pay their bills? Not me. And apparently not you.

I don't know what your business is. But I know a lot about saving your home. If you have a foreclosure sale date that can be postponed a little bit by filing for Bankruptcy. It's not the answer but it's an option. If times are that tuff that's what Bankruptcy was designed for. Stay away from credit counseling. There are virtually no regulatory mandates with credit counseling. Bankruptcy aka BK is federal and the rules are laid out.

I don't have all the answers but I do understand and feel your pain brother. I'm in commercial real estate. I made a very good living in 1995 and 1996 when real estate was shit. 2009 is easily the worst I've seen. In the last 24mo I've only made money in 12 of them.

Nearly a year without income.

It sucks...hang in there dude. I have a lot more thoughts but don't know if I can convey them on the net properly.

I appreciate your words, Hang in there is all any of us can do because failure is not an option. I am in the trucking business, I use to run 10 of my own trucks and did very well making around $15000 profit every month now I am down to 2 trucks and need to drive one of them to barely make $5000 a month I know that might sound like enough but all things are relative. I will survive and with hard work my family will eat dinner tonight. Its hard living week to week I never had to before.
I also never had a place to vent it feels good i guess to get things off your chest especially when you have to be the strong one when you are dieing inside, scared shitless. Fuck I hate this feeling. I wish smoking some weed would help but it only seems to cause me anxiety and I feel undeserving of the pleasure it used to bring me. All I really want is a satisfied mind.

biggun said:

I appreciate your words, Hang in there is all any of us can do because failure is not an option. I am in the trucking business, I use to run 10 of my own trucks and did very well making around $15000 profit every month now I am down to 2 trucks and need to drive one of them to barely make $5000 a month I know that might sound like enough but all things are relative. I will survive and with hard work my family will eat dinner tonight. Its hard living week to week I never had to before.
I also never had a place to vent it feels good i guess to get things off your chest especially when you have to be the strong one when you are dieing inside, scared shitless. Fuck I hate this feeling. I wish smoking some weed would help but it only seems to cause me anxiety and I feel undeserving of the pleasure it used to bring me. All I really want is a satisfied mind.

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It is all relative.

People think that I'm loaded because I've withstood the brunt of a $350k loss last year. How much money can a 30 something guy really have in the bank. I had what I considered to be a lot. I had well over a years worth of business and personal expenses in the bank. That plus retirement funds. Apparently that is not enough.

It's tough out there. I laugh when people say we're turning a corner. What corner? What state? What industry?

It's all relative!

Exactly brother, I wish you health, wealth and happiness.