I hate living in the bible/hypocrite belt.

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bundee1

Well-Known Member
So I come home from visiting my father in law in the nursing home and I see a $10 Bill with a note by my door. It says "I took one of your tomato plants and I left you $10. I didn't want to steal on my way to church. I pass your tomato plants every week on my way to church and they look so good."

First of all Lowes sells pathetic tomato plants in 2 gallon pots for $17. My shit is pure organic. Water only.

Second it says "our garden" on a pallet behind the plants.

Wtf? You stupid old hypocritical bitch. Nothing on my lawn says 4 sale or take my plants. What would make you think it was ok to trespass and take shit? If I accidentally stepped on your lawn you would call the cops (which has happened to me before here).

Why would you wait for the week when there is no one home to come get a plant from me if you see me here every week?

Fuck people here.
 
Ace Yonder

Ace Yonder

Well-Known Member
bundee1 said:
So I come home from visiting my father in law in the nursing home and I see a $10 Bill with a note by my door. It says "I took one of your tomato plants and I left you $10. I didn't want to steal on my way to church. I pass your tomato plants every week on my way to church and they look so good."

First of all Lowes sells pathetic tomato plants in 2 gallon pots for $17. My shit is pure organic. Water only.

Second it says "our garden" on a pallet behind the plants.

Wtf? You stupid old hypocritical bitch. Nothing on my lawn says 4 sale or take my plants. What would make you think it was ok to trespass and take shit? If I accidentally stepped on your lawn you would call the cops (which has happened to me before here).

Why would you wait for the week when there is no one home to come get a plant from me if you see me here every week?

Fuck people here.
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For a brief, wonderful second, I thought she was mistakenly thinking your pot plants were tomatoes and she was about to grow a batch of chronic, the whole time going "Wow these leaves and flowers are strange, this bust be some type of Heirloom I've never seen! I can't wait to see what the tomatoes look and taste like!"
 
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bundee1

Well-Known Member
Well the house I was going to buy was broken into by squatters but that's expected of homeless meth addicts.

I wasn't expecting a lady to say the only thing that compelled her not to steal that day was her destination.

My neighbor had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the psych ward babbling about the bible, leaving us taking care of her mom. I haven't slept in 3 days.

Tomato lady was the last straw.
 
Big_Lou

Big_Lou

Well-Known Member
I, too, know the pain of living in backwardsville. As a native New Yorker it's been a very painful transition to 'the land that time forgot'. As a kid coming up, I assumed that all of the southern stereotypes were just that; boy was I disappointed when I found out that they are all true and then some.
:(
 
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bundee1

Well-Known Member
Yup that nascar driver and his daughter were beaten in my state. When I got to bonaroo everyone from the northeast was bitching because of all the idiots down here who don't signal.
 
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bundee1

Well-Known Member
So you forgot the other thread where I mentioned the rednecks in monster trucks with rebel flags stalking a black family in the Sears parking lot?

That's right stfu.

Or the preacher preaching hate about Muslims and gays the first week I was here.

That's right stfu.

Or HB2 the bathroom Bill.

That's right stfu
 
CrocodileStunter

CrocodileStunter

Well-Known Member
bundee1 said:
So you forgot the other thread where I mentioned the rednecks in monster trucks with rebel flags stalking a black family in the Sears parking lot?

That's right stfu.

Or the preacher preaching hate about Muslims and gays the first week I was here.

That's right stfu.

Or HB2 the bathroom Bill.

That's right stfu
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lmfao go take care of your neighbors mom.
 
Dalek Supreme

Dalek Supreme

Well-Known Member
You know those Bears carved out of Tree Stumps by a Chainsaw people use to decorate their yards?

Get one made that looks like a demon. Put it in your front yard visible from the road.

After your problem goes away see what new one shows up.
 
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bundee1

Well-Known Member
Pitchforks and torches? Although the people here are too fat to form an effective mob. They would have to drive to the sizzler, park and wall a mile to my house. Those little rascal scooters will have to ride on the side of the road until they get to me.

There is historical proof of the idiocy and innefectiveness of mobs here:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beast_of_Bladenboro
 
Dalek Supreme

Dalek Supreme

Well-Known Member
bundee1 said:
Pitchforks and torches? Although the people here are too fat to form an effective mob. They would have to drive to the sizzler, park and wall a mile to my house. Those little rascal scooters will have to ride on the side of the road until they get to me.

There is historical proof of the idiocy and innefectiveness of mobs here:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beast_of_Bladenboro
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Well nobody will steal from your garden if they think it's from the devil.
 
Rrog

Rrog

Well-Known Member
How do the Kentucky folks like having the Noah's Ark built with Taxpayer money? So taxpayers cough up $$ to build this fucking thing, then the for-profit entity actually doesn't pay taxes.
 
Big_Lou

Big_Lou

Well-Known Member
Rrog said:
How do the Kentucky folks like having the Noah's Ark built with Taxpayer money? So taxpayers cough up $$ to build this fucking thing, then the for-profit entity actually doesn't pay taxes.
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UGH, don't friggin remind me....an exercise in idiocy....Jurassic Park for inbred throwbacks....

"Hi there, I'm Mr. DNA! No need to worry 'bout THAT, though, cause yer just a simple, bible-lovin goat brain! A dine-uh-soar, whuts that, anyhow? Wasn't none a them on the ARK, thats fer SHORE! Hyuck hyuck!!"

 
gogogogogogo

gogogogogogo

Well-Known Member
Do you realize the irony of saying "Or the preacher preaching hate about Muslims and gays the first week I was here." in the middle of a thread about ripping on Christians?
 
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bundee1

Well-Known Member
Nope. The church is supposed to be a house of love. Peace be with you no?
I go to give thanks and see family not hear seething hate. People here use church like Shower to Shower, to cover up their stink and go out and do it again.
 
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