I Once.

stoneruk

stoneruk

Well-Known Member
I once opened the bag of a loaf of bread that was in my larder and accidentally inhaled a large amount of bluemould spores that came out of it like a cloud, felt pretty ill for a couple of days :(
 
thump easy

thump easy

Well-Known Member
i once took a hoodie to my house n i fuck the living shit out of her it was a fuck fest hot swetty non stop porno action moaning fucking licking sucking n fucking till the wee morning it was so wrong that it felt so fucking right i had it in all kinds of posiosions n wen i herd her moan n yell ow shit ow god fuck me i started to poound it doggie i grab ahold of that little waist n griped it my throbing bonner all up in it i felt it squeez so good i felt a sprinkl on my legs she was squirting all over the sheets i couldnt hold back my eyes rolled back i felt the first puter as i pulled out OWWWWW FUCKNNNNNN SHIIIITTTTTT....... AWWWWWW man filled with swet i mean swet... i rolled over in the morning i woke up man i looked over i was like fuck me i dont even know this chick like that i go to safeway farmacy n get the next day after pill i wake her up n tell her HEY THIS IS FOR YOUR HEAD ACKE she is like IS IT A MUSLE RELAXER i sead YUP so i jump in the shower when i come out i see her with a dollar bill snorting the blue pill im like WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING? she is like OWWWWW MAN THAT BURNS MAN THAT SHIT IS GOOD....!!!!! im like ??????????? ya i payed for that one..... lolz thats my i once... had a hoodie
 
thump easy

thump easy

Well-Known Member
i once boned that same chick at her parents house dude they left to the casino n she opened the door with langeray dude im like 31 n she is 21 man she was a freek man i start to leave a trale of close n well it ended up in the couch strate boneing hard i was taxing that ass she begings to nut so hard im fucking pulling out n knocking mine out dude her parent come home ow shit dude it smelling like pussie in the air n they come in im still wet can t find my boxers but we manage to get our close on we herd a car pull in.... the parents come home n the mom sits in the puddle of water that she squarted lolz the mom sead ow man someone spilled somthing on the couch lolz i say hi n buy.... ow man that was acward..
 
cannofbliss

cannofbliss

Well-Known Member
I once heard of a man from madras... whose balls were made out of brass... and whenever he'd tether... his balls clanked together...

and sparks would fly out of his arse... ;)
 
thump easy

thump easy

Well-Known Member
boom i get to this other girls house well at the tym i did tatoos something about that that girls loved they didnt want to keep me they just wanted to fuck me wich was cool with me so i had to travle to a place called chino valley arizona to see this girl man she was good. cant believe such a good looking girl could exzist in the stix like that well we get so fucked up its winter my car is foged up we r drinking in the middle of no were n im hammerd n so is she we get to fucking its late night early morning we fuck n fuck n fuck im so hammered their is trillions of bottles in my car hard liquor n beer bottle shooters n well cigaretts i cant c out side, the morning comes n well i open my car door its fucken cold outside im but ass naked mean ass head acke i start to piss im next to a colvisac near some houses but not just that close i start to piss it must be like 5 or 4 in the morning i hear my pee. PSSSSSSSSSSS n then i hear a familar VREEEERRRR n a change of gear in a distance UMMMMMMMMMMMHHHHHMMMMMM i look over it the sherif OW SHIT IM FUCKEN BUT ASS NAKED I JUMP IN MY RIDE TURN THE FUCKEN RIDE ON HIT FIRST N SLAM ON THE GASS... HE STILL GOT TO GET TO THE BABY BRIDGE OVER THE COLVISAC IM FUCKEN BONNING OUT DUST IS KICKING UP IM FUCKN HITN GEARS N I PULL INTO A RANDOM HOUSE N DROP THE SEAT DOWN THE COP ROLLS RIGHT PAST US THEIR IS LIKE 4 OR FIVE CARS THAT R RED ALSO ON THAT STREET MAN.......... she wakes up im smelling like liquor.... tell her the cops r on us i put together my close n run out as he passes n we runn acouple houses down into the back n into her house owwwwffffff he kept checking up n down but that passed after about 12 after noon i got up. got in n that was the last car adventure i had in arizona... lolz
 
thump easy

thump easy

Well-Known Member
i once posted my penis n every was a critic lolz oh wow...lolz this hole time the girl were just being nice buy lien to me... fuck me.....
 
tyler.durden

tyler.durden

Well-Known Member
Warning: This tale is fucking gross:I once drank WAY too much. In my 20s, me, my buddy and a girl I was dating went to a jazz club for NYE. I had a few drinks at home even before I arrived, and when we got there, I drank constantly, more than I ever had before. The girl got tired of my boorish ways within the first hour and left. My buddy and I ate a lot of free hot h'ordeuvres in an attempt to coat our stomachs to buffer the drinks. The last thing I remembered before I passed out at our table was doing a final shot of Johnny Walker Black with my friend. I awoke some time later, my friend was gone and my stomach was doing some funky shit and I knew I needed to puke, but my legs didn't respond at all to my brain telling me to move, so I passed out again. When I woke the second time, I felt it coming but I couldn't move so the first wave of barf came up and I somehow kept it in my cheeks doing my best Dizzy Gillespie impression. I hate to admit it, but I then tried to swallow, gulp by gulp, all the barf in my mouth. I got to about the second gulp when the second wave came: since the first load was still puffing out my cheeks, the added pressure just spewed out of my pursed lips like a geyser making a loud raspberry sound. I showered these lipstick lesbians across from me, plus a few other shocked patrons, in technicolor vomit (it was an interesting texture and blend of colors/smells because of the hot snacks I ate earlier). Everyone screamed and I promptly passed out again. My buddy who was working the bar (the same guy who invited me to the event) came over some undetermined amount of time later, and proceeded to lift my head and clean me up, along with the surrounding area, with a bucket and a large sponge. He asked if I had money for a cab, and gave me a $20 when I said no. I don't remember getting home, but I couldn't find the $20 when the taxi pulled up in front of my place, so I just sat in the snow after the cabby kicked me out yelling at me. I made it to my bed and slept for over 25 hours straight. I vowed never to drink like that again, and I never have. I did find that $20 in my jacket a couple years later, though...
 
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