I completely understand up & down bro, I'm bi-polar, LOL. I've always made a point to make the best of the ups. Cram in all the smiles, laughs, kind words to others, and happy that you can, cause the lows are hell, just a darkness that envelopes you entirely. It's easy to let those heavy moments play over & over in the head. You just can't let that shit get to you. I know it's hard, but starting to build built in triggers to distract yourself will help immensely. I.E. when you start thinking about anything that gives you anxiety, that you can't immediately do something about, change your thoughts to something that always makes you smile, and Happy. Like your kids, or your garden or something similar. If you can't go right out, and fix what's worrying you, it's just wasted time making yourself sick over it. I'm sorry I'm not trying to preach at you bro, I just know how it is spending all your time making yourself sick about shit you can't do anything about. Not that 100% of this is out of your control, but usually a lot of circumstances in our problems are, and it's just up to us to react within bounds, make the best of it, learn from it, and move on. I know, easier said than done, right?
Glad to see you're checking in a couple times a day, I'll start writing, and posting goofy shit, and try to get some smiles out of you. Have a great day bro, the sun's shining here, and all weather goes east, so I know a little sunshine is on your way.
Myco