Hey buddy, a bit off our original topic, but a topic that is way more important than the original; about your bouts of depression, and the shotgun comment. I have had several people I really care for in my life take the shotgun approach, I know you said you would never do it, but wanted to give some advice that helped me. I have had a battle with it before and here is what really helped.
1.) Stay away from doctors drugs (unless you have found something they give you that you really believe helps, short term AND long term) they problem is pharmaceuticals can help short term but make way worst long term or vice versa.
2.) Try to get some Kratom, not sure if it is legal in your neck of the woods but it helped me tremendously, gives me energy and motivation to get going and it seems to help me stay more positive about my situations.
3.)As weird as it sounds I had to quit smoking weed, it actually acted as a depressant to me (took me 20 years to learn that). After all it is a depressant, and although the clinical term depressant doesn’t mean causes depression it seemed to with me. Not day one of smoking, it’s the days after, very hard to explain. but it literally took me 20 years to realize a plant I loved actually was modifying my depression, once I quit smoking and got some Kratom, I haven’t had any bouts of depression. This is different for everyone, my entire family smokes but it doesn’t affect them that way.
4.) So I grow it for my family as I still believe it has more helpful benefits than harmful, but everyone is different and with me and my chemistry I finally realized it was harming my mental well being.
All and all Man, I don’t have a magic wand, and don’t know you but I know your pain when depression arises and truly pray you get piece and maybe something I said here relates to you and can help. God speed my man!