Joke Shop

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.95 per minute?

lol thats some shit

A little boy asks his Mum, "Is it wrong to have a penis?"
Amused, his Mum replies, "No, why?"
"Well," the boy says, "Dad's sweating like hell in the bathroom trying to pull his off."

hahahaha

Why do women like circumcised penises?
They can't resist anything that's 20% off.

What do you call the useless skin around a vagina?
A woman.

I knew this blonde woman with a burn scar down one side of her face. Apparently the phone rang while she was ironing.

A blonde and a brunette are ordering drinks at the bar. The brunette sees a man sitting alone at an ajacent table, she notices he has some terrible dandruff. She nudges the blonde and quietly says, "Sure looks like that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde relied, "Well I could give him great head, but how do you give shoulders?

What the worst part about fucking a 10 year old kid??




washing the blood stains off on your clown suit.

greenhorn08 said:

What the worst part about fucking a 10 year old kid??




washing the blood stains off on your clown suit.

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i give you 0/5 for humour and artistic merit its not that i dont like jokes like that its just that that one was poobar

Why the pony tail on the blonde? To hide the valve stem....

2 Homo's walking on the sidewalk in the hot time of day. One complained about the heat. The other, seeing a Mortuary ahead ask, "Want to go in for a cold one?"

Young man across the pasture where I live confessed to his Father that his Wife to be was a virgin. Papa had a FIT! After a long line of 'cussin', he said "If the girl ain't good enough for her own Family, she damned sure ain't good enough for our Family!

This bloke pulls his car into a disabled parking spot. As he got out a parking inspector came along.
"So what's your disability?" he asked.
"Tourrettes," the bloke replied. "Now, fuck off!"

The NRMA recently divulged that they had secretly funded a project with the Australian auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drives in an effort to determine in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find that in 7 of the 8 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, SHIT!!" Only the Northern Territory was different. There, 89.3 per cent of the drivers' final words were: "Here, hold my beer and watch this."

3 irishmen were stranded at sea.

Through magic, they found a genie living inside their last water bottle.

The genie, of course, granted each of them the stereotypical one wish each.

The first irishman said "man, it's hot our here, I wish we had some shade"

POOF! a canopy appeared over the boat!

The second said "man, I wish we could get to shore faster"

POOF! An outboard motor appeared on the back of the boat!

While they were motoring along, the last one said

"Gee, I'm thirsty, I wish we had some beer."

POOF! The ENTIRE OCEAN was suddenly made of guinness beer!

The last irishman turned to the genie, "YOU DUMBASS!! Now we gotta piss in the boat!"

Three old men at a nursing home were comparing the state of their memories.
"I can remember the first time I fell off my bike," the first old bloke said.
"I can remember the first time I sucked on my old mother's tit," said the second.
"Well, you old coots have nothing on me," said the third. "I remember going to the drive-in with Dad and coming home with Mum."

Three men are stranded on an isalnd and a genie appears out of an old bottle and he says that they each have one wish.
The first says hed like to be back home with his wife.
*poof* hes back home
The second wishes hed be in a huge new mansion in LA
*poof* and hes livin it up in sunny cali
The third says "gee i feel pretty lonely now, i wish my two friends were back again"
*poof*....

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench discussing the rate of inflation.
"I remember when you could buy a banana this big for only a penny," one old lady said, gesturing with her hands.
"Yes, and I remember when you could buy two huge apples for a penny," said the second, again using her hands." The third old lady suddenly spoke up.
"I can't hear a word you two ladies are saying," she said, "but I remember the man you're talking about well.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Tasmania?
Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.