Lets Hear Some JOKES!
- Thread starter GangaFarmer420
- Start date
hippietoker18
Active Member
alright i got one haha.
go up to some one and say,
"hey, if i wash my cock would you suck it??
(they should reply no)
You dirty cock sucker!"
go up to some one and say,
"hey, if i wash my cock would you suck it??
(they should reply no)
You dirty cock sucker!"
npsant
Active Member
As I was traveling through scottland, I had got a little turned around and found myself on a country road that seemed to just go on forever, will finaly I passed over this cool stone bridge and saw a hand painted sign that read! for the next town! left! I did as directed, cool place there was neat cottage as I turned left, just a beautiful place, then as I truned again at this low built stone wall that ran along the road, I was the thing I really needed a Pub Oh Ya, pulled in an parked and went in, as I was setting there, a man sat next to me at the bar, I through why not have a chat, so I said! hi you a local? he answered Aye I am, no sure what else to say I asked his name? he said my name is Mcgregor, I asked? so Mr, Mcgregor what do you do around here? and this is what he said.
Did yo see the bridge? as you came down the road?
I answered Ya?
Aye I built that bridge from the ground up! cut the stone and carried every stone for the fields and placed every stone til it was done! the town needed, you think they'd call me Mcgregor the bridge builder.
All I could say was cool!
Did yo see the cottage?
Ya!
I built that cottage! I cut the studs from the tree's in the forest, hand made the nails, I built that cottage from the ground up! YOU think they would call me Mcgregor the Cottage builder?
Now as we had been talking we had been drinking all a long an fast to for some reason, my head started to swin from the pints of drak ale.
At this point all I got say was Cool!!
Slurring his words my self to!
Now He said.
The Wall did you pass the Wall ?
I replied Ya it was cool to!?
He again said, I built that dam Wall! collected the rocks poured the mortor, set every rock and built that Wall from the ground Up? He says proudly.
Then he truns to the rest of the Pub, Stands up spread his arms wide and yeld!
BUT NO YOU FUCK ONE SHEEP!! AND WHAT DO THEY CALL YA???
Did yo see the bridge? as you came down the road?
I answered Ya?
Aye I built that bridge from the ground up! cut the stone and carried every stone for the fields and placed every stone til it was done! the town needed, you think they'd call me Mcgregor the bridge builder.
All I could say was cool!
Did yo see the cottage?
Ya!
I built that cottage! I cut the studs from the tree's in the forest, hand made the nails, I built that cottage from the ground up! YOU think they would call me Mcgregor the Cottage builder?
Now as we had been talking we had been drinking all a long an fast to for some reason, my head started to swin from the pints of drak ale.
At this point all I got say was Cool!!
Slurring his words my self to!
Now He said.
The Wall did you pass the Wall ?
I replied Ya it was cool to!?
He again said, I built that dam Wall! collected the rocks poured the mortor, set every rock and built that Wall from the ground Up? He says proudly.
Then he truns to the rest of the Pub, Stands up spread his arms wide and yeld!
BUT NO YOU FUCK ONE SHEEP!! AND WHAT DO THEY CALL YA???
46and2
Well-Known Member
THE BLONDE AND THE COW"
A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,
'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'
The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'
'That's simple she said, by the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,
'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'
(It's nice to see a blonde winning once in a while.)
A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,
'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.'
The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?'
'That's simple she said, by the nail that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?'
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,
'I guess it's to hang your pants on.'
(It's nice to see a blonde winning once in a while.)
46and2
Well-Known Member
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the
wife says,
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast
table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked
as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's revive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the
table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee
and the other is in your oatmeal
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the
wife says,
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast
table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked
as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's revive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the
table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee
and the other is in your oatmeal
Permabuzz
Member
idk y i cracked up just by reading this its so random lol
GangaFarmer420
Well-Known Member
BUMP! dont let the down syndrom joke get you down!
CdnBud
Well-Known Member
They always ask at the doctor's reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients.
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
CSI Stickyicky
Well-Known Member
Roses are red, Violets are blue......
.....Anal?
.....Anal?
GangaFarmer420
Well-Known Member
a man sits in a bar and orders a drink, a blonde female sits beside him, she begins to run her hand up the mans leg, the man turns to the women and realizes its not some hot blonde its a tranny, she/he looks at him and whispers "it could be our little secret" the man jumps up and says "first off its not a small secret and second it doesn't want to come out and play" the tranny looking confused replies" what do you mean its not a small secret?"
the man smirks at the tranny and replies "My dick idoit, i named it secret. you know why?" Tranny: "Why?" The man replys " Secret.. Strong enough for a man, made for a women. Now fuck off"
i made this joke up just now, hope all yall like it.
Rep me if you do
the man smirks at the tranny and replies "My dick idoit, i named it secret. you know why?" Tranny: "Why?" The man replys " Secret.. Strong enough for a man, made for a women. Now fuck off"
i made this joke up just now, hope all yall like it.
Rep me if you do
Haywood Yablowme
Active Member
Ya'll know why we know the Toothbrush was invited in Arkansas?
Any where else in the world it would be called a Teethbrush.....
Being from Arkansas, I always thought that was pretty fuckin funny.
i do have all mine btw
Any where else in the world it would be called a Teethbrush.....
Being from Arkansas, I always thought that was pretty fuckin funny.
i do have all mine btw
skate4theherb
Well-Known Member
"Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, what do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hidingmarijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They searchthe shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open everypiece of wood, butfind no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"
skate4theherb
Well-Known Member
ok ok one more
A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
And the owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again.
He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"
The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!"
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"
The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."
A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
And the owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again.
He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"
The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!"
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"
The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."