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In 2012 I drove out to San Diego-LA from NY by myself with my motorcycle attached to my Jeep on a trailer and drove like that, at least twice a week. Driving between cars on a motorcycle is legal in CA and sometimes on the 5 and 405 there would be upward of 5 miles of traffic. I can remember speeding for miles between cars, how I wasn't decapitated by a side view mirrors is still something I mull over. What did I get from this? A fear of driving motorcycles. I wont get on one again. Nothing to laugh about..
In 2007, drunk, I witnessed a man on the Kingston, NY Bridge on his way to committing suicide. I stopped my car and had a good five minute conversation with him about his choices. I even grabbed the vertical bars below the railing and hung one handed, above 200 feet of cement-like flatten your face-in water with about 15 feet of mud less than 20 feet below the surface. I did it in a humorous attempt to try and change his mind. I think it shocked him. What's funny, is he actually changed his mind and decided to come with me to a diner to talk! Up until the police arrived. Then he ran for the railing and climbed over, I grabbed him. He kicked and pulled, I held onto his jacket sleeves. Two police surrounded me and basically pried him from my hands. He fell about 15 feet, smacked his head on one of the bridge expansion joint platforms and tumbled into the darkness. The cops grabbed me and shook me and asked me what happened, like I had done it to him. It all ended ok for me, but It was also nothing to laugh about. I have a serious fear of heights now, especially when I remember I hung one handed off that bridge. I moved from the area but crossing that bridge haunted me for years. I have been diagnosed with PTSD over it. I have also been diagnosed with all of the rest of the mental illness conditions. Lol.
From 2018 to 2020 I spent two summers hunting down copperhead and timber rattlesnake dens in the Hudson Valley, working on a 400 page guide to historical snake dens and snake hunting in general (this type of 'hunting' involves a camera, no guns). The book was mostly a gift for the DEC and specialized conservationists and rattlesnake experts that work to protect these species and man did I see a lot of snakes. I've seen piles of rattlesnakes, I pet a copperhead on the edge of a cliff. It was at a place I actually visited for many years, maybe back to 2005? All of the new sites were filled with surprises and challenges, many of these places haven't been visited by anyone in years. Rocky cliffs deep in the woods. I saw beauty in nature on a different level. People think I'm insane for getting so close to venomous snakes in the wild, not once did I worry, which I agree is unnatural. But they never bit me, and I sometimes got close enough to have noticed notice them and nearly step on them. When I think about it - its the cliffs I was on and piles of rocks, the thought and memories of it scare me. In retrospect, I'm also scared of snakes now. It comes and goes when the reality of it hits me that they could potentially kill me. We are meant to be afraid. I somehow shut this stuff down. I try to detach I guess. and then the fear goes away.. maybe that's no good..
I'm also the son of a man who was murdered by a well known mafia hitman and I have seen many sides of death in my life so far. I am certainly, certifiably insane. If I die in some weird way and people laugh about it, I certainly wouldn't be surprised..
I do think about the police and ambulance workers who have to clean up the scenes of all these insane things that are happening that most people shut out. Those things you read about every day: man murders wife, sets children on fire. Girl keeps child in home with decomposing husband, etc etc. Its endless...
In my opinion life itself is one big, sick joke... Long live those of us that are still here
