I'm back. Okay so this MXD stuff was.. Bizarre. Fun. But bizarre.
The first day I dosed around 50mg. I didn't feel much so I kept re dosing and found myself being very dissociated, I probably ate around 150-175mg. There's only one day that I remember with it and it was very strange.
I started hanging out with one of my old friends and it was kind of weird at first because an old girlfriend of mine is her roomate. She has a boyfriend, but seems to be back onto me again for whatever reason. So I go to this girls house one night, I already had it in my head that I was going to just eat the rest at one time. I was having some depression issues because of an array of reasons and thought, if I die, at least I won't know. Selfish of me since I was at her house, but I was reasonably sure that I'd be fine since I only had about half of my gram left.
I promptly dump my MXD shards on her dresser, and stuff my face into it like a pie. It kind of reminded me of that scene in fear and loathing where the guy was licking Thomsons arm. A lot because my friend was very confused as to what it even was and thought that my obnoxious behavior was funny.
I didn't notice the effects yet, and then they came on very strongly. There was no differentiation between when I was sober and when it hit me. I had no idea. I was just. Gone. Exactly as I wanted. I don't remember much, but I do remember that what I was seeing was not the reality that I normally live in. It was very comparable to taking just wayyy to much DXM. I dosed around 4PM and ended up coming down around midnight. When I came down, I had no time perception. I didn't know what day it was, how many days I had been over there, or what time it was. It felt like forever in 8 hours basically. The time dilation is something that I can't compare. K, MXE, DXM, they all do this. But it seems that I don't 'get it' until I am experiencing it. Time was not a factor. It was not happening. I was eternally stuck in this mode during the peak.
My ex ended up getting home from work and I don't remember it all, but she knew immediately what was going on with me and I guess stole me away. She knew I couldn't speak, or move, or even think. I don't even know what room we were in, but she took me into it and held my hand for what had to be a number of hours. I kept looking at her face and the only word that came to mind was 'soulmate', it was very sacred though at the time. Or trippy I guess, as it was probably the drugs. The entire time she was smiling just holding onto my hand and grasping it with affection putting it against her face and stuff. I only said one thing the entire time, and it was stating that I was inebriated to her. I said it because I was confused. She just laughed and said I know and kept smiling and holding my hand.
This I don't think I'll ever forget. It was a strange night. But that's what you get when you play around with disassociatives I guess.
Around midnight I came down. It took many hours to come down and I COULD NOT PEE. I tried to pee all night long and I was trying to explain it to my friends that were over there, but I couldn't get words to form. Then I kept falling around in her bathroom so she took my bathroom privileges away. Not that it mattered, I couldn't pee anyways. Finally I became coherent enough to communicate and walked and assured her that I really needed to go pee. There were 5 sessions of sitting on the toilet in misery having to pee, but not being able to. Which I remember from my old DXM days.
Finally I peed! It came out so slowly, but I didn't care.
When I was done I felt absolutely wonderful. I was still not very keen on communicating so I just glued myself to adult swim. It was funny, I obviously had not came down yet. Everything I watched on the TV seemed to have an extreme connection to my current personal life. Analogous lessons. We watched Sea Lab, Space Ghost, and I'm pretty sure American dad. Not really remembering this part of the night.
Either way, I woke up at 9AM with mud butt.
So I left immediately and took the most wretched shit ever.
The mud butt and pee thing could have been due to other reasons. I was on a binder, have been for the passed two weeks. The last day was two days ago and I haven't even smoked pot since. All in the same week a lot of personal things happened and I tried to lose myself. It worked temporarily as it always does, but now I feel a lot better than I did.
Dissociatives still remain to be amazing to me. They give me a lot of time that I thought wasn't possible to have, and twine these thoughts that I didn't think were imaginable.
. But I still wouldn't do this stuff very much until some other guinea pigs do first. I'm still curious to try it though since you couldn't really find anything to compare the experience too. That makes me curious
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