At first, my wife was very "anti-pot" and she got this new job that made her nervous and she would be snappy and hot
headed all the time when she got off work. I convinced her to try some Jack Herer I had at the time by telling her "it was my fantasy". She smoked it and realized how chill and relaxed it made her. Its not her thing and we may "take a ride" from time to time to spend time together but she realized that me smoking a few g's a week isn't that bad and weed aint a devil weapon.
I guess what I am trying to say is that the good shit doesn't happen until after you say "I DO" and a situation like smoking/growing may take some time for your wife to get used to.
I also lied about smoking when I knew could get away with it until the time came. I know lie'n is wrong and it did feel like I was cheating on her with Mary Jane but I had to juggle both. I dont have a habit, and I stopped when she and I first got together years ago but I chose it over alcohol because alcohol just always says domestic violence to me.
If you are stoned around her, just don't make it obvious. I used these eye drops called
Rohto V for the redness and killed the odor and she never interrogated me about being stoned.
If you really love her, time is of the essence. I'm on my first grow!