herbose
Well-Known Member
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that
we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.
Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would
be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the
odour of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time
I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed
three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released
all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat
and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me
promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the
call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the
opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go (Putt, Putt - loud
noise in DTS) . It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap
and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse
than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the
other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with
my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the
blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around
the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'
I fainted!
we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.
Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would
be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the
odour of baked beans was more than I could stand.
With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time
I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed
three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released
all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat
and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me
promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the
call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was
becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the
opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go (Putt, Putt - loud
noise in DTS) . It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap
and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse
than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the
other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with
my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very
relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned,
apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the
blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around
the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'
I fainted!
