Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS
- Thread starter Big P
- Start date
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Best duct tape story ever
During a private "fly-in" fishing excursion in the Alaskan
wilderness, the chartered pilot and fishermen left a cooler
and bait in the plane. And a bear smelled it.
This is what he did to the plane.
The pilot used his radio and had another pilot bring him 2 new tires, 3 cases of duct tape, and a supply of sheet plastic. He patched the plane together, and FLEW IT HOME!
Duct Tape Never Leave Home Without It !
During a private "fly-in" fishing excursion in the Alaskan
wilderness, the chartered pilot and fishermen left a cooler
and bait in the plane. And a bear smelled it.
This is what he did to the plane.
The pilot used his radio and had another pilot bring him 2 new tires, 3 cases of duct tape, and a supply of sheet plastic. He patched the plane together, and FLEW IT HOME!
Duct Tape Never Leave Home Without It !
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
^^^Freaking outstanding! That pilot had a head on his shoulders.
And knows Red Green...aka Uncle Red. Everything is possible with duct tape.
And knows Red Green...aka Uncle Red. Everything is possible with duct tape.
Pipe Dream
Well-Known Member
no offense but I think I'm gonna catch a ride back with the pilot who brought the duct tape 
bestbuds09
Well-Known Member
fucking eh i love duct tape, altough gorilla tape is much better. i cant believe he actually flew that thing like that. lol
ANC
Well-Known Member
A lady in Boston listed her cat on her Census form, and now the cat has been summoned for jury duty.
Anna Esposito says she listed her cat in the Census field marked "pets" during the most recent Census, which is odd because my Census form didn't ask about pets. Maybe Anna Esposito was privy to a more-selective Census that only affects specially-selected people, like raffle winners or the millionth person to walk in the door at Sam's Club? (It appears the Census collects data on pets, but I can't figure out the timeline.)
Anyway, Anna tried to get her cat out of jury duty, but she wasn't sure what excuse to give the court, so she went with "Doesn't speak English." The cat is still required to make an appearance, because nobody knows it's not a human, yet.
Anna Esposito says she listed her cat in the Census field marked "pets" during the most recent Census, which is odd because my Census form didn't ask about pets. Maybe Anna Esposito was privy to a more-selective Census that only affects specially-selected people, like raffle winners or the millionth person to walk in the door at Sam's Club? (It appears the Census collects data on pets, but I can't figure out the timeline.)
Anyway, Anna tried to get her cat out of jury duty, but she wasn't sure what excuse to give the court, so she went with "Doesn't speak English." The cat is still required to make an appearance, because nobody knows it's not a human, yet.
EFILROFKGD
Active Member
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
What kind of friggin spiders are they? God, I don't think I'll sleep well tonight. Yuck.
I don't think I'll buy a car made in or from that state. Is it in the USA? Oh man, you just ruined my night. I'm remembering the time a spider disappeared in the vent of my car and I worried about it for weeks. AND I'M STILL DRIVING THAT CAR. Wow, wow.
That is my worse nightmare.
Is that photoshopped? Please tell me it's photoshopped.
I don't think I'll buy a car made in or from that state. Is it in the USA? Oh man, you just ruined my night. I'm remembering the time a spider disappeared in the vent of my car and I worried about it for weeks. AND I'M STILL DRIVING THAT CAR. Wow, wow.
That is my worse nightmare.
Is that photoshopped? Please tell me it's photoshopped.
IregAt420
Active Member
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcBLCu6RBME&feature=related
^ Thats one I havent seen in forever. Good laugh.
^ Thats one I havent seen in forever. Good laugh.
woodsmaneh!
Well-Known Member
[FONT="]A woman goes to the Doctor, with bruises on her face.
The Doctor asks: "What happened?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he slaps me around."
The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!
How does the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water does fuck all…it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."[/FONT]
The Doctor asks: "What happened?"
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he slaps me around."
The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!
How does the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water does fuck all…it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...."[/FONT]
DST
Well-Known Member
* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves.
* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.
* PRAIRIE DOGGING..
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
* SWAMP DONKEY.
A deeply unattractive person..
* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
* OH-NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (e.g. You've hit 'reply all').
* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, I.e. Extremely impressive when viewed from the outside but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.
* MONKEY BATH .
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.
* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
* TRAMP STAMP.
Tattoo on a female, just above the bum.
* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves.
* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.
* PRAIRIE DOGGING..
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)
* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
* SWAMP DONKEY.
A deeply unattractive person..
* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
* OH-NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (e.g. You've hit 'reply all').
* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, I.e. Extremely impressive when viewed from the outside but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.
* MONKEY BATH .
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.
* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
* TRAMP STAMP.
Tattoo on a female, just above the bum.
* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.