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ChronicObsession

ChronicObsession

Well-Known Member












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The Wikipedia blackout presents a horrifying picture of a world with no knowledge. So does the Fox News website, which is running normally.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it [censored] wanted to. That's the [censored] reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr. T.: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.
Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.
Othello: Jealousy.
Dr. Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
Mrs. Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.
Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter.)
Hamlet: That is not the question.
Donne: It crosseth for thee.
Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
Constable: To get a better view.
Yeats: She was following the Faeries that sang to her to come away with them from the dull, bucolic comfort of the farmyard to the waters and the wild.
Shelley: 'Tis a metaphor for the pursuits of man: though 'twas deemed an extraordinary occurrence at the time, still it brought little to bear on the great scheme of time and history, and was ultimately fruitless and forgotten.
Tolkien: Chickens are respectable folk, and well thought of. They never go on any adventures or do anything unexpected. One fine spring day, as the chicken wandered contentedly around the farmyard, clucking and pecking and enjoying herself immensely, there appeared a Wizard and thirteen Dwarves who were in need of a chicken to share in their adventure. Reluctantly she joined their party, and with them crossed the road into the great Unknown, muttering about how rude the Dwarves were to take her away on such short notice, without even giving her time to brush her feathers or fetch her hat.
 
Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
[FONT=&quot]National Condom Month Slogans[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]1 - Cover your stump before you hump
2 - Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3 - Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4 - When in doubt shroud you spout
5 - Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6 - You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7 - If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8 - If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9 - It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10 - If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11 - You won't get sick if you wrap your wick
12 - If you go into heat, package your meat
13 - While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14 - Especially in December, gift wrap your member
15 - Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
16 - The right selection, is to protect your erection
17 - Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
18 - A crank with armor, will never harm her
19 - If you really love her, wear a cover
20 - Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
21 - Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
22 - If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
23 - No glove, no love
24 - If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye
25 - Avoid a frown, contain your clown
26- Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam
27 - Constrain that little head before you stick it in the shed
28 - Cloak the joker before you poke her
29 - Encase that torch before you paint her porch
30 - Don't surprise her plug your Geyser
31 - Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle
32 - She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle
33- House your noodle then release your strudel
34 - Cage that snake then shake and bake
35 - Cover your peter it will be much neater
36 - Don't be a fool cover your tool
37 - Hood that match then scratch that thatch
38 - Wrap that tool to catch the drool
39 - Condomize then womanize
40 - Wrap your bate before you mate
41 - Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard
42 - Cuff your carrot before you share it
43 - Cover your vein then drive her insane
44 - Protect your dink then fluff her mink
45 - Wrap that spout then bore her out
46 - Shroud your trout then make her shout
47 - To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky
48 - Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
49 - Cover your steamer before you ream her
50 - Contain that shanker before you spank her
51 - Stop the stream before you cream
52 - Sock that wanger before you bang her
53 - Sash that hash then thrash that gash
54 - Cover your fiddle before you diddle
55 - Cover your limb before you swim
56 - House your hose then curl her toes
57- Wrap your nipper before you dip her
58 - Bag your elm then take the helm[/FONT]

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ANC

ANC

Well-Known Member
[video=youtube;c3y4-H2l31Q]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3y4-H2l31Q&feature=player_embedded[/video]
 
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