Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS
- Thread starter Big P
- Start date
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
here's 1 for ya
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
enjoy
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
enjoy
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
They make a kids toy that does that without the smoke. It looks like a large balloon sling shot. You can mess up a person's hair with it from a decent distance.
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Now, my, my, my that is a big brain you have there.
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Ok now, I don't know how to play the drums but this kid seems to play them pretty damn well.
[video=youtube;vAgvwPugukM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAgvwPugukM[/video]
[video=youtube;vAgvwPugukM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAgvwPugukM[/video]
dirtsurfr
Well-Known Member
They don't let him out from the clinic very often....
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Fungus Gnat
Well-Known Member
Fungus Gnat
Well-Known Member
[video=youtube;NzspsovNvII]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=NzspsovNvII#![/video]
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
I'm still two steps ahead of those nice men in white. cn
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
[FONT="]THE DEBT CEILING [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="] * Democrats don't understand THE DEBT CEILING [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]* Republicans don't understand THE DEBT CEILING [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]* Liberals don't understand THE DEBT CEILING [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]* NO ONE understands THE DEBT CEILING [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]SO - Allow me to explain... [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Let's say you come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in [/FONT]
[FONT="]your neighborhood. Your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings. [/FONT]
[FONT="]What do you think you should do? Raise the ceilings or pump out the shit? [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Your choice is coming in November. Don't miss the opportunity.[/FONT]
[FONT="] * Democrats don't understand THE DEBT CEILING [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]* Republicans don't understand THE DEBT CEILING [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]* Liberals don't understand THE DEBT CEILING [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]* NO ONE understands THE DEBT CEILING [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]SO - Allow me to explain... [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Let's say you come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in [/FONT]
[FONT="]your neighborhood. Your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings. [/FONT]
[FONT="]What do you think you should do? Raise the ceilings or pump out the shit? [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Your choice is coming in November. Don't miss the opportunity.[/FONT]
Stonerman Enoch
Well-Known Member
[video=youtube;oAB4o1RqQ3o]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAB4o1RqQ3o&feature=related[/video]Not a pic but I've seen vids in the thread before.
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
^^^LOL on the jumper. The cop was smart enough not to shake the hand of a possible jumper, but it looked liked he had the thought of grabbing the jumpers legs as he jumped...That could of turned out bad for one or both.
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
Since it is Memorial weekend...for the hero's out there, past, current, and future...
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
Man, that It's Free EBT video really pissed me off. I can't like it not because it isn't funny...I can't like it because it is fucking true! Unfortunately we have to use EBT and we only use it for what it is meant for. Those people screw over use working to try and get ride of the damn EBT card.
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
I got to post one more pic for someone to remember this Memorial Day weekend...
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
Prevent 2016...vote in 2012.
This one was fucking funny as hell to me.. I don't know if it was posted already.
Funny Craigslist Responses: Disguised Weapons
Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:
Hey,
I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
I am. lets see what you got.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Here you go:
Looks like a normal spoon, right?
Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.
I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:
At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.
Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.
This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.
Let me know if you want any of these items.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.
Funny Craigslist Responses: Disguised Weapons
Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:
Hey,
I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
I am. lets see what you got.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Here you go:
Looks like a normal spoon, right?
Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.
I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:
At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.
Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.
This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.
Let me know if you want any of these items.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.
tryingtogrow89
Well-Known Member
Fungus Gnat
Well-Known Member
Breast cancer.