HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband
along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique
in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get
in the shower. Use wash cloth , long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone......
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with
grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial
scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut
and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and
legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in
shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size
of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to
bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along
the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake
wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in
the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in
the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your
hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it
sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and
surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash
your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off
towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet
towel on bed.