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Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
Choosing a wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.


The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.



The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..


Again, the man is impressed.



The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.



Obviously, the man was impressed.



The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.


Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
 
joeyjoejoe

joeyjoejoe

Well-Known Member
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields



Success, Fool, Try


I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields



Funny, Sometimes, Wine


Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields



Humor, Day, Over


No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields



Women, Crazy, Women


A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields



Woman, Her, Drink


The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
W. C. Fields



Best, Sleep, Insomnia



I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields



Funny, Fish, Water


Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
W. C. Fields



Politics, Hell, Against


I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. Fields



Equality, Hate, Free


I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields



Funny, Children, Fried


You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields



Trust, Trust, Water


Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields



Woman, Try, Keep


Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
W. C. Fields



Beautiful, Sleep, Experience


If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields



Brilliance, Bull


A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields



Money, Nothing, Rich


Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields



Small, Whiskey, Carry


Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields



Food, Live, Nothing


Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields



Nothing, Little, Around


It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields



Call, Answer


Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields



Live, Heart, Long


When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.



Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/w_c_fields.html#kXuODXQZMePOFhxb.99
 
curious old fart

curious old fart

Well-Known Member
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of aneighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom,as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur wouldhave a year to figure out the answer and, if, after a year, he stillhad no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question wouldperplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, itseemed animpossible query. But, since it was better than death, heaccepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.



He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess,the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke witheveryone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.



Many people advised him to consult the old ugly woman, for only shewould have the answer. But the price would be high as the woman was famous throughout thekingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.




The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talkto the old woman. She agreed to answer the question, but he would haveto agree to her price first.


The old ugly woman wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of theKnights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!



Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.





He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terribleburden, but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.


He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the woman answered Arthur's question thus:




What a woman really wants, sheanswered....is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the woman had uttered agreat truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.




And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom andLancelot and the ugly woman had awonderful wedding.


The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for ahorrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaitedhim. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on thebed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.


The young beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her whenshe appeared ugly, she would henceforth be her horrible deformed selfonly half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?


Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful womanto show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle an old ugly woman? Or, would heprefer having a hideous womanduring the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoywondrous intimate moments?


What would YOU do? What Lancelot chose is below.


BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?



Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.


Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all thetime because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge ofher own life.


Now....what is the moral to this story?



The moral is.....

If you don't let a woman have her own way....

Things are going to get ugly.

:peace:
cof





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